


Cheers to Another Seven Years!

by skyermirth



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Fluff and more fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Post-The Raven King, Some Plot, magical stuff, mentions of child abuse, mentions of past violence, sort of canon compliant, supernatural stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-13 06:00:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 47,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20169316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyermirth/pseuds/skyermirth
Summary: Adam left Henrietta for Harvard and never returned. Now, seven years has passed, and an unexpected work assignment has brought him back to a place and people he hardly recognizes.





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> This story is complete. It is seven chapters. I will be editing them and posting throughout the next several days. Not every chapter has explicit content.
> 
> For those who might care, the history of this story is this. This emerged from an idea I had for a fic after reading Blue Lily, Lily Blue. I had written an outline and some backstory for it and a few scenes before something else pulled my interest away. This is why there is no Henry (Sorry, Henry). I did go back and reshape Opal to fit into canon up to her story. It's sort of canon compliant up to the end of Opal.
> 
> I reread TRC for the 3rd time earlier in the summer and found a renewed passion to finish what I'd started. (note: I haven't written a fic this long in YEARS.) The end result is really really far from where that was. This was supposed to have a lot more supernatural, dramatic plot to it. I threw some in, but it seems my brain only wanted to write about Adam and Ronan and Adam/Ronan just doing things.
> 
> FYI: Adam and the OMC is very brief with no explicit content or even real detail.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam returns home to find a lot of things definitely not the way he'd left them.

In the reading room at 300 Fox Way, Calla laid out three cards. Immediately after flipping over the last card, she shouted, loud enough for Jimi and Maura to hear her in the kitchen, "It’s time. He’s coming home. Get your cards, ladies."

Maura arrived first in the room, smiling brightly, with a cup of tea in one hand and her cards in the other. "That means Blue will be home soon too."

"My has it been seven years already?" Jimi asked as she entered and sat down between Maura and Calla. "I love new cycles. So much new energy. So much potential." She peered at the cards. "Ah. The Magician, the Hermit, and the Four of Wands."

"Maura should finish this," Calla said. "She’s the one who seems to have the closest connection to them." As Maura shuffled her deck, Calla continued. "His arrival ought to shake things up a bit. The Snake’s been in a good mood lately. This will give him something to walk around brooding about."

Maura gave her an annoyed look. "You don’t have to look gleeful about it."

Jimi cleared her throat. "I must admit that he does look very pretty when he’s brooding."

After splitting her deck into three piles, Maura turned over the first card from the far-left pile and laid it directly underneath The Magician. They all peered at the Knight of Cups.

"See," Calla said, taping the card and looking triumphant. "Moody."

"Also, beautiful, creative, and imaginative," Maura reminded her.

"And romance too," Jimi said. "He is a romantic."

The next card that Maura pulled from the second pile was the moon. "Two paths," she said. "Well, that’s no help at all. You don’t need to be a psychic to have guessed that."

The third and final card got a long hard glare from all of the women.

"Death, really?" Maura tapped her deck. "We already know it’s the end of cycle. We were hoping for some insight into which way it will go."

"Maybe it’s something we’re not meant to see," Jimi said. "Maybe it’s up to them to decide which way this is going to go."

"Fantastic," Calla snapped. "It’s not just their lives that this will affect. It’s all of us and it’s being left to two stupid boys."

"Men, now," Jimi corrected.

Calla raised her eyebrow. "That makes it any better."

"Let’s…" Maura sighed. "Let’s just focus on the positive, okay? Adam’s coming home. Blue and Gansey soon after that."

"You know me, Maura," Calla said. "I’m a women of action not touchy-feely-think-positive crap. We know what they really want and need and so do they. But they are stupid, emotionally stunted _boys_." She looked at Jimi as she emphasized ‘boys’. Jimi stuck her tongue out at her. Calla ignored her and continued, "I say we simply take some steps to remind them."

Jimi clucked her tongue. "Manipulating them isn’t very –"

"I understand what she’s saying," Maura interrupted. "They just need a nudge – a little poke – a push in the right direction."

Calla sneered. "Probably more like a hard shove."

~** ~ ~**

Adam’s group house in the northeast quadrant of Washington, DC had six residents, which was the maximum number allowed by law. All six were congressional aides working on Capitol Hill. Even though they lived in extremely close quarters, Adam didn’t see much of them, except for Ryan. Ryan was the only other resident studying for the bar and, occasionally after a long night studying, they had sex. Adam didn’t consider them dating or even intimate. Ryan was a great guy, handsome, passionate, and ethical, something that wasn’t common around DC. But, as far as Adam was concerned, it was simply stress relief. Nothing more.

Apparently, Ryan didn’t feel the same way.

"Stay," he said, reaching for Adam’s wrist as Adam bent over to pick his clothes off the floor.

"Why?" Adam asked, pulling away and truly puzzled by the request.

"I understand you have some… um, quirks. I assumed that sleeping – actual sleeping - with someone might be one of them, but we’ve been, um, doing this for a while now and I figured that –"

Adam interrupted him. "I don’t have a quirk about sleeping with someone."

"Oh. Then this – this… this is really just sex to you then?"

"Hey, yeah, I thought we were on the same page here." He looked at Ryan looking up at him from the bed with sad brown eyes. "I guess not."

"You guess not?" Ryan said a lot louder than Adam liked. The room, if you could call it a room, was more like a closet. Close quarters and anger were a combination that Adam avoided. His flinch wasn’t visible - it was an internal feeling, a jolt, like the one that happens sometimes right before falling asleep, and you feel like you’re falling – but it was there.

"Listen, I’m sorry if you thought this was something more, but –"

"I thought we were dating!"

"Dating? Why would you think that?"

"We have sex. We go out sometimes – dinner, drinks."

Adam laughed. "We went to dinner once – Five Guys, hardly anything romantic - and had drinks _twice_."

Ryan narrowed his eyes. "You’re a real fucking dick, Adam Parrish. Do you know that?"

Adam opened the door. "Yeah, I do." And he walked out, closing the door softly behind him. He crossed the hallway to his own tiny room, threw his clothes on the floor, and climbed into bed. It took him less than three minutes to fall asleep.

~ ~ ~

Working for Senator Walsh wasn’t all that bad. Given Adam’s educational background and the quality of recommendations that he came along with, he was given more intelligent work than some of the other new congressional aides. Most of his work was research on laws that the Senator was sponsoring, which meant a lot of time sitting in the Law Library of Congress. This is where he was when he received the text from one of the senior aides to get back to the office because the Senator wanted to meet with him.

He had only spoke one-on-one with the Senator once on his, and dozens of other aides’, first day. It had only been a brief welcome handshake before the Senator moved down the line to the next new aide. So, this call to talk to Adam was odd. The entire way back to the office, he went through everything that he had done in the past few days that might have been cause for Walsh to fire him. Not only wasn’t there anything, but Adam knew that Walsh wouldn’t fire him himself, even if he had done something. He hated not knowing what to expect, not being able to play through the situation in his mind and creating mental workflow charts that prepared him for every possible situation.

By the time Adam got back to the office, he was sweating a little. It was a ten-minute walk that Adam had done in five. He found Kelly, the senior aide who had texted him, and she ushered him into the Senator’s office.

"Ah, Adam. Thank you for meeting with me so quickly," the Senator said as he stood. They shook hands, and Kelly indicated for Adam to sit in front of the desk. She sat next to him. "You went to Aglionby Academy, correct?"

"Yes, sir."

"I hear they will have female students now. How about that?"

"Yes. A big change, sir," Adam said.

"Yes – yes. Can’t stop progress," Walsh replied. "But Aglionby isn’t why I need you. I need your expertise of the area. You grew up there as well, correct?"

Adam felt a tightening in his chest. He worried that this fact made him an outsider in Walsh’s eyes. That he was about to be called out for being an imposter. "Yes."

"Perfect. I’d like for you and Kelly to go on a little road trip to Henrietta for me." The Senator only paused for a few seconds, but, in that time, Adam scrambled to think of why and couldn’t think of a reason. Nothing was happening in Henrietta that Walsh would need to address.

"As you may know, I’m into collecting rare wines." Adam didn’t. "Recently, a winery in that area has begun to produce one of the most sought after red wines in the country and soon to be the world I suspect. Only one hundred bottles or less are produced a season."

Kelly finally spoke. "It’s all very selective and secretive, as well. There’s a restaurant at the winery. If – and that’s a big _if_ – you get a table, you might be offered a bottle – you can’t ask for one, it has to be offered to you. It’s really weird, if you ask me." She shook her head. "They don’t even have a social media presence."

"How do you get a table?" Adam asked.

"Certainly not in any way I’m accustomed to getting a table," Walsh said.

_Throwing your name around or cashing in favors, you mean,’ _Adam thought.

"It all does sound very unusual," Adam said.

Kelly continued, "I’ve done some research out the local community. It’s very close-knit and tight-lipped about this rare wine. But there’s a youth center there that has been getting a lot of buzz. The Senator thought we could make a polite visit representing him and make a nice contribution. Something like that would sit well within a small community and, hopefully, spread to the right people."

"And that’s where you come in, Adam," Walsh said. "We’re hoping that maybe your knowledge of the local culture might help."

Walsh’s use of the "we/us" language tactic didn’t go unnoticed. Adam knew there was no ‘we’ in this. Adam was being used as a simple errand boy. It didn’t bother him. He knew his place, and he knew what he had to do to move up from that place.

"Certainly. I hope I can help. Though, it’s been several years since I’ve been back – back to that area. I’ve cut a lot of my ties from my childhood."

Walsh smiled. "I’m sure you’ll be of great help. Your understanding of a community like that, having firsthand knowledge of how to navigate socially in that area and, with your charm, I’m sure you’ll be able to come back with a bottle."

"I hope so," Adam said. And knowing when he was being dismissed, he stood to go, but then hesitated. "Senator, if you don’t mind me asking, how much is a bottle?"

"Fifty thousand dollars."

After years of being surrounded by the very rich, Adam had grown a thicker skin regarding how frivolously they threw away their money. This, though, had shaken him a little, but he didn’t show it in front of the Senator.

"Must be really something special then," he said. "I’ll do my best."

Outside the office, Kelly instructed him to pack for a few days. "We don’t know how long this will take," she said. "Text me your address. I’ll pick you up at six am. We can get in front of the traffic."

"Oh, we’ll be there for the weekend?"

"Hot date this weekend, Parrish?"

Adam scoffed. "With my law books."

"You’re studying for the Virginia bar, right?"

He nodded. "Exam’s in six weeks."

"Let’s hope we get this wrapped up soon then."

Back at his apartment, Adam slipped upstairs and into his room when he heard Ryan and their other roommate Kelsey talking in their small kitchen. He heard her telling Ryan, "Your picker’s broken." And he knew that was not a conversation he wanted to walk into the middle of. He was hungry, but the packet of peanut butter crackers in his gym bag would have to do. He ate his crackers while checking his email. After he packed for the weekend, he studied until he fell asleep, sitting up in bed, leaning against the wall, with his MacBook in his lap.

Adam didn’t dream. He knew scientists believed that everyone dreamed and, those who thought they didn’t dream, just didn’t remember them, but he was certain that he hadn’t dreamed in almost seven years.

Tonight, he dreamed.

It was a distorted memory that took something real that had happened and twisted it into a different reality. It was the scene from the night before: Adam in Ryan’s room, holding the door open, looking back at the bed, but it wasn’t Ryan sitting there. It was Gansey. Gansey looking up at Adam with more disappointment than the sadness Ryan had shown. "You’re a real fucking dick, Adam. Do you know that?" dream Gansey said. As he had the night before, Adam replied, "Yeah. I do." But unlike the original script, Adam didn’t leave. He waited for Gansey to say something. He needed to know what Gansey wanted to say. It wasn’t Gansey he heard though. He distantly heard a woman’s voice. He thought maybe it was because of his deaf ear; he turned his head. But this wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t in his head.

"Wake up, Magician! Time to grow the fuck up!"

Adam woke up suddenly. "Calla?" He looked around the empty room. No one was there. It must've been a dream. It had to be a dream. But it had sounded so real. It sounded as if Calla – 300 Fox Way Calla – had been shouting in his ear.

His phone’s alarm rang. He tapped it off and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He hadn’t thought about Calla or 300 Fox Way in … he didn’t know.

He felt odd. Like he hadn’t slept at all, even when it had to have been at least seven hours.

The reality of what he was doing today set in. He was headed back to Henrietta, something he had never thought he would do.

_‘Go in. Get the job done. Get out,’ _he told himself.

_'Go in. Get the job done. Get out.’_

~ ~ ~

About an hour into the ride and a lot of small talk, Kelly asked why Adam sat twisted around in the passenger seat.

"I’m completely deaf in my left ear," he said.

"Oh, wow, sorry. I didn’t know."

"It’s okay. It’s not a big deal."

"How?"

"Childhood accident."

They drove in silence for a few minutes, but it seemed Kelly wasn’t comfortable with silence very much.

"Tell me about yourself, Adam."

"Well, I have an undergrad in poli-sci from Harvard. I have my J.D. and M.P.P. from Georgetown."

"I know all of that. It’s on your resume. I know that you graduated both schools at the very top of your class, were an editor at _The Crimson_, and were on the lightweight crew team at both schools. And that you interned two summers at the White House. What’s not on paper, Adam?"

"I’m living in a group house with five other people."

"You live in DC - who isn’t? Okay, so you grow up in a poor rural area. What was that like?"

"What you’d expect it to be like. Where did you grow up?"

"I know you’re deflecting." She gave him the side-eye. "But I’ll allow it. I grew up in Philly. Also, in a very poor area. But mine was much more urban, obviously. Rode the subway to school, when we could afford a pass. Went through metal detectors at school. Had bars on the windows of my house. Played stickball in the streets and basketball in whatever park or schoolyard didn’t have a rim that was stolen. My family went on and off public assistance. Would have grown up eating nothing but fast food, if it wasn’t for my grandmom. She could take five dollars and turn it into dinner every night for the whole family. See? Not so hard."

"It’s – it’s different for you. You’re not expected to be –"

"Rich? Privileged?" She turned and gave him a chilled look. "So, it’s ok that I talk about my poor as fuck past because everyone just assumes that’s how it was for me anyway - because I’m black?"

"What? Wait – no, I mean it’s because… because…" Adam put his head into his hands. "I am really such a fucking dick. I’m sorry that was entirely wrong of me."

She clucked her tongue and shook her head. "You’re not forgiven, but we can move on. It’s not really even close to the worst of it. Pretty minor. You still might be a dick though, I haven’t decided yet."

"Ryan thinks I am."

"Who’s Ryan?"

"Some guy I was, well, you know. He was my roommate too. He thought we were dating. I did not."

"Ouch. Roommates too?" She shook her head. "Double ouch. Poor Ryan."

He wasn’t quite sure why he said what he said next. He liked Kelly. He had a ‘feeling’ about her that he couldn’t put into words. "I lived in a trailer with parents who regretted having me. It sucked. My dad did this to my ear because I wanted better for myself. I got into Aglionby on a partial and worked my ass off to pay for the rest of it."

"Not so hard. And I’m sorry."

He shrugged. "I don’t feel the need to talk about it because it’s not who I am anymore."

Kelly scoffed. "It’s always who you are."

Suddenly, Adam felt it. The warm energy. The electric power. They were getting closer to the ley line. His hands started to shake. _‘Go in. Get the job done. Get out,’_ he chanted in his head.

"What are your plans after the shiny of being a congressional aide wears off? Lobbyist?"

"No. Legislative counsel probably."

"Any aspirations to run for office?"

"No. I’m the brains behind the Leaders. I actually like getting things done."

"Ha! Maybe you’re not such a big of a dick you and Ryan think you are."

"No." Adam grinned at her. "I am." He was about to let the conversation die but reminded himself that talking is how you build relationships. And surviving in DC was all about having a network. "So, what about you? What are your plans?"

"Can you keep a secret?"

"I can."

"Yeah, you seem like the sort. I got a job offer to run a campaign for Missy Rodriguez?"

"Who?"

"Yeah, who. She wants to run for the house in Pennsylvania’s 10th district. She’s young and progressive. Socialist. Unknown, but really smart and determined. She's been making waves on social media. One of her campaign videos went viral. Two and half million views. But she’s running against a five-term, white, male conservative."

"Wow. That’s –"

"Impossible."

"I was going to say exciting, actually. Do you want it?"

"Yes. I really, really do. It’s always what I thought I’d be doing, working with people like her. She really wants to push at things, ya know. Call out the elite and the privileged for abusing the system. I mean Walsh is alright. He’s better than most, but he’s still too rich. Too white. Too comfortable. He plays the game hard. But…

"But?"

"But and it’s a big _but_ \- student loans. It would cut my salary in half. And, if she doesn’t win, it could really set my career back. I can’t default on them."

Adam nodded. He understood perfectly. His own loan balance haunted him.

"So, yes, I want it. But I can’t."

Maybe it was being this close to the ley line, maybe it was because he hadn’t really spoken to anyone this personally in years, but he had a strong, not so natural feeling that she was supposed to go work on this campaign. He wished he had cards with him. And that thought alone left him confused and shaken.

He felt a rush of the ley lines energy. "Pull over," he said. He must’ve looked like he felt because she did so without asking why. He opened his door and threw up his breakfast.

"Ew. You okay?"

"Yeah. Car sick, I guess."

Jesus fucking Christ. Was that his accent? When was the last time he’d heard his voice sound like that? He washed his mouth out with water and spit it on the ground. He sat back in the seat and closed the door. Kelly handed him a mint. "Thanks." He popped it in his mouth. Mint. He thought of Gansey. When was the last time… he didn’t know.

"You sure you’re alright?"

He waved his hand. "Yeah, really. Let’s just get in and out of here as quick as we can."

When they reached Henrietta, Adam stayed twisted in his seat, making small talk. He didn’t want to look out the window. He didn’t want to give the memories that were tap, tap, tapping at his brain any more power. He didn’t want to see anyone, anyone who he had forgotten. No. Forgotten wasn’t the right word. He never forgot them. Could never forget them. Ignored. Ignored was what he had done. Ignored their existence for seven years.

They had already discussed the plan. They would go to the youth center first, ask for a tour, shake some hands, grease some palms, promise that they’d report back to Senator Walsh the fantastic job they were doing for the community, and hope they could get a lead on the winery. After, they would check in at the Pleasant Valley Bed and Breakfast, before going around town to talk to some of the locals about where the winery was and how to get a table. Kelly had told him that the rumor was the winery opened only on the weekends, but not every weekend.

Outside of town, she took a turn that caught Adam’s attention. He sat right in the seat and looked out the window. It wasn’t the scenery, which was nothing more than trees and fields, that had opened up the memory. It was the _path_. His brain knew this path. He could walk, drive it, and bike it with his eyes closed.

"Are you sure these are the directions to the youth center?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Kelly peered at her phone on the dashboard. "Yep. I double checked them with Waze and Google Maps."

They turned just a little bit before where he feared they were going. But this wasn’t right. This road wasn’t here before. It was a new road stretched out before him, all dark black asphalt and freshly painted white lines. It curved towards the left, pointing them back in the direction that Adam had feared. In the distance he saw their destination. His mouth formed an ‘O.’ He had expected something old, something cheap and easily converted to a few rooms for kids to hang out. But this – this was not that. There were three brand new, two-story, brick buildings, all equal in size, forming a semi-circle. The closer they got, Adam saw the landscape around the buildings was lush and extremely well-manicured. The complex didn’t end at the buildings. It continued into the back… and was that a tennis court? And a _pool_?

"Jesus," Kelly breathed as they pulled into the parking lot. "What do you think the square footage on those buildings are? I’d say 10,000 each, at least."

"Yeah…"

"I’ve seen some massive YMCAs, but nothing like this in a small town and privately funded. Who the hell are the benefactors? Walsh would love to get his claws into this. I should have done more research on the area. How many school-aged kids live in the area?"

"Ah, maybe… school-aged? Er, I don’t know… three-thousand."

"Are you okay? You still don’t look too good."

How could he respond to her? How could he tell her that he’s looking at a massive youth center built right on top of the trailer park he grew up in? He was having a hard time processing it himself.

Kelly followed the signs for visitors and parked in front of the building. Adam took a deep, shaky breath and hoped his legs would hold him. He got out and looked around. There were only a few cars in the lot. At the back of a big, bold black expensive Nissan Titan pick-up truck was someone bent over into the bed.

He couldn’t see a face. But he knew.

_‘Ronan,’_ Adam thought. Or had he? Had he said it out loud? Because Ronan had spun around quickly towards them.

This – Adam couldn’t ignore _this. _He could ignore a memory of Ronan. But he couldn’t ignore _him_, not standing feet away, looking directly into his turbulent blue eyes. He couldn’t move, time didn’t move, and he thought he saw a look of hesitant, but hopeful surprise in Ronan’s eyes, but only for moment before a storm raged up in his eyes and his expression turned Ronan Lynch ugly.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kelly moving towards Ronan, her hand outstretched. _'Oh, fuck.'_ But he couldn’t move, couldn't breathe, he was paralyzed.

"Hello, my name is Kelly Thomas, and this is –"

"Go," Ronan growled his eyes never leaving Adam’s. Adam flinched. Kelly didn’t.

"I’m Senator Walsh’s Senior Aide and this is Adam Parrish. We’re here to talk to you on behalf of the Senator - "

Finally, Ronan looked away and fixed his deadly glare on her. "I said go. I don’t want you or your kind here now or ever."

Ronan turned, grabbed a box from the trunk of the car, and stalked towards the center. Adam couldn’t look at Kelly. He couldn’t take his eyes off Ronan.

Later, when he's thinking straight, Adam would reflect that Kelly had guts. Not many people were able to withstand Ronan at his most intimidating.

"And what _kind_ is that, sir?"

Adam saw a flicker in Ronan and knew that he'd realized his mistake, but this was Ronan, he plowed ahead without missing a beat. "Politicians."

"I understand the desire to keep local community efforts pure, but I assure you that the Senator only has the best intentions."

As Ronan turned to push the door in with his back, he gave her the finger and, without another look at Adam, he disappeared inside the door.

Kelly went to follow, and Adam finally broke from his trance. He reached out, putting his arm in front of her. "Don’t."

"Walsh gave us a job to do and –"

"I know him. He is not going to cooperate."

"You know how this works, Adam. This guy will easily change his mind after the senator makes a sweet contribution to the center."

"Not him. He can’t be bought."

She opened her mouth, but he finished before she could speak. "He can’t be intimidated or tricked either." He had to get out of here and collect his thoughts, sew his insides back together. "Let’s just go."

"That guy can’t be in charge. There has to be someone. I didn’t come all the way out here to - "

"Adam Parrish!" It was only a voice, but he knew who it was, and he wanted to run. Get back in the car and keep going, through red lights, through stop signs, and just get back to DC. If he remembered what he had left, he’d remember it wasn’t his anymore.

But there was no ignoring Maura Sargent. Not when she had her arms opened, waiting for him. He took two steps into them. For a brief moment, before the door closed behind her, he saw Ronan standing inside, arms crossed, scowling at them. Adam’s chest constricted; the wall was crumbling. He struggled to put his feelings back into the hole he had dug seven years ago, but that was hard with Maura Sargent hugging him and whispering in his good ear, "Don’t mind him. We’ve all missed you so much."

When she pulled away, she grabbed his hands and held them tight, he realized they had been shaking. "Breathe," she whispered. He took a deep breath. "It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you."

She let go of his hands, put on a charming smile, and reached her hand out to Kelly. "Hello, I’m Maura Sargent director of the youth center."

"Hello, Ms. Sargent. I’m Kelly Thomas. I work with your friend here. The Senator heard about this amazing center and is interested in helping out in any way he can."

Maura’s smile dripped sugar, a southern woman at her finest. "I know, dear. Our maintenance man told me." Kelly’s eyes flickered towards the luxury truck the referenced ‘maintenance man’ had just came from. "I’m sorry you came all the way out here, but we are apolitical, and we intend to stay that way."

Kelly had enough sense to know that Maura was being reasonable and pushing it any further, at this time, would mean a solid no. "I’m sorry too, Ms. Sargent."

"Call me Maura, please."

"Maura. I’m sorry too. She looked at her phone. Adam and I are planning to stay for the weekend. We have some other business -"

"Adam!" Maura took Adam’s hand, squeezed harder than a comforting squeeze should be. It felt like she was trying to center him. "We’re going to have you for a few days?"

He nodded, stupidly.

"Where are you staying?" She directed the question to Kelly.

"Pleasant Valley."

"I’m sure you’ll find it lovely, but if you don’t mind, I’d really like to have a chance to visit with Adam for a while." She looked at Adam. "No B&B for you. You’ll stay with Dean and I."

It wasn’t a question. Kelly looked at him for confirmation. He nodded again.

Maura grinned. "It’s settled then. You can go on to the B&B. I’ll take Adam from here."

After a gentle nudge from Maura, he walked with Kelly to the trunk of her car to grab his bags. "Are you sure this is ok?" she asked. "You really look bad."

"This is…" He grabbed his black overnight duffle bag and his brown leather messenger bag from her trunk. "My life here was… was complicated. It’s just a lot to take in all at once. I hadn’t prepared for this, seeing people that I know so quickly."

"Okay. Text me if you need me. And be sure to call me once you get settled. Maura seems like the kind of woman who knows what’s going on around here. I hope you can get some information on the winery from her. We’ll get out as quick as we can."

Adam watched her close the trunk, get back into the car, and drive away. He turned to Maura, opened his mouth to ask for help, when Ronan crashed through the door again. The moment he appeared, Adam’s eyes locked on him again and couldn’t look away.

Ronan stalked by them to the truck, got in, and peeled out of the parking lot.

"Well, damn," Maura said. "There goes my ride."

~ ~ ~

Adam sat in Maura’s office staring at his hands, trying to get his brain to overpower his emotions. It wasn’t working. All his brain wanted to think about was Ronan. Every time he tried to think about how he would explain this all to Kelly, get the wine and get out of here, his brain decided to replay the exact moment when he first saw Ronan again.

"He looks older," he said.

"So, do you," Maura said.

Adam startled. He had forgotten she was in the room. He hadn’t realized he'd even said it out loud.

"Don’t tell me that I look older," Maura said, "or I swear I’ll smack you."

Adam’s laugh caught in this throat. "His hair! Oh my god, it’s – it’s… _hair_…" Seeing Ronan with hair had been so shocking it took Adam’s brain this long to process it. And, now that it had, he couldn’t stop seeing it. Ronan’s dark hair had grown in, thick, wild and wavy, and furious like it had been annoyed that he'd kept it locked up for so long. A few seconds later, his brain also allowed Adam to realize that Ronan was also sporting very sexy black stubble that made his pale skin and blue eyes impossibly beautiful.

Maura came out from behind her desk and sat next to him. She leaned forward, resting her forearms across her knees, and looked at him intently. "This is a lot to take in. It’s understandable that you’re shaken, but you need to get your damn shit together."

He looked at her in surprise.

"Okay. Okay." Shaking her head, she sat back in the chair "You really have yourself buried deep in there, don’t you?" She didn’t wait for an answer. "We’ll deal with this slowly then." She stood up and kissed the top of his head. "I have work to do. Do what you need to do to get yourself together and then, if you want, I’ll give you a tour."

After she left, Adam opened his organizer app and read through his study schedule and his calendar, over and over. He counted the days to the bar exam – 44 days. He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from the desk and wrote a short list.

_ **SHORT TERM GOALS** _

_Impress Senator Walsh_

_Pass the bar_

He folded the piece of paper and put it in his pocket. He felt better. He needed focus. He needed to stay on the path towards the life he had always planned for. The life away from here. Away from… _Ronan_. Old Ronan. New Ronan. Any Ronan. Ronan with hair and broader shoulders and "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Hey, who are you why do you keep saying ‘fuck’?"

He hadn’t heard the door open. A boy, about fourteen or fifteen - thirteen if he was short for his age - stood there with a look, both bored and curious, that only teenagers can achieve. He had reddish brown hair and freckles and a thick Henrietta accent.

"Adam. Who are you?"

"Liam," he said as he threw his backpack on the floor and plopped down in the empty chair. "Why are you here?"

"Um, I’m a friend of Maura’s."

"Oh." Liam shrugged.

"Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be in school?"

"School’s out, dude."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. It’s still pretty early though. Do you come here this early all the time?"

"Sometimes. When my mom needs to be in work early. She drops me off here to help Ronan out."

_Ronan_.

"What do you help Ronan with?"

"You know Ronan too?"

"Yeah, we went to school together."

"Oh, you’re _that_ Adam! Maura doesn’t shut the fu – sorry, she doesn’t shut up about you. You’re like some sort of legend around here." He punches out the words with his hands and reads it like a headline. "Genius Local Boy Does Good."

"I didn’t do too bad."

"With hard work and determination," Liam said in an authoritative voice.

Adam wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was the sort of drivel they feed kids. They don’t tell them about the student loans and the sacrifices – _Ronan -_ you have to make. His stomach twisted.

"Why are you in here alone?"

"I had a rough morning. Maura told me that I had to get my shit together."

Liam laugh. "Yep, sounds like her. She’s with the athletic director. You want a tour then? I got time and I’m bored. Ronan's not around."

"Sure."

Liam led Adam through the hallway, passed a row of administrative looking offices, into a library. It was as a big the library had been in Adam's middle school, but it looked more alluring. There were the traditional long tables you would find in a library, but also comfortable looking dark gray leather sofas and several matching reading chairs. Lots of natural light, plants, and the walls adorned with quotes and beautiful illustrations of popular books gave the room the its warm inviting atmosphere. As he walked around the room, a painting caught his eye. It was only a tree, but the colors were the most beautiful, vivid colors he’d ever seen in. It looked like a hand-drawn painting, but there was something about it. He touched it. The painting was _Ronan_. Not Ronan’s. But actually Ronan. It was the thing that Adam had learned about Ronan and his dream things, they were him just as much as his own body was his. They were Ronan’s energy reshaped into something.

Outside the library, Liam pointed to a row of rooms along the wall. "Those are the private study rooms," he said. Adam opened a door and looked inside one. It had a comfortable chair, a table, and a small desk with a desktop computer.

"Do they all have computers?" Adam asked.

"Yeah. Lots of ports too to charge your stuff. I told Ronan they need a mini-fridge too."

"And what did he say to that?"

"He told me to take my lazy ass into the cafeteria."

Adam laughed. It sounded exactly like the Ronan he'd known.

Liam led him into a room that looked like a cross between a cafeteria and a trendy coffee shop. For seating, there was a mix of tables, chairs, and a large sofa. Lined up along the walls stood vending machines.

"If you’re looking for candy. Don’t look in there," Liam said. "Only _healthy_ snacks." He rolled his eyes. "No soda either."

Liam continued to chatter on about what they did here and some of the other students as they walked the hallways. He told him that the other buildings had things like arts and science rooms and even an emotional therapy room. His talking was the perfect distraction for Adam to process what he could of this.

They went outside the back of the building into a courtyard, which was a forest. "It’s a forest…" Adam heard how crazy his laugh sounded, but he couldn't stop. "A fucking forest."

Liam smacked his shoulder. "Right?! It’s fucking lit!" He jogged down a stone narrow path and disappeared into the trees.

The forest pulled at the magic inside of Adam. Just like Cabsewater had. Once through the trees, Adam stood in a clearing, completely, utterly consumed by _Ronan_. It was a sensory overload – the brightness of the flowers, trees, shrubs, the sounds of the birds all around him. He needed to sit down. He stumbled over to a farm rustic looking bench and sat down. And the truth of the forest hit him. He knew exactly what used to be here, right on this spot. He saw it, faded and old like an antique photo, but it was there. The dirt road, the dogs, the trailer.

Ronan Lynch had dreamed up a miniature Cabsewater where his trailer used to stand.

"And we have a baseball field – I’ll show you that next." Liam continued to babble at him. "We have outside basketballs courts too. When it’s really hot or cold we play in the gym though. There’s a pool too. Do you know how to swim?"

"Yeah, I was on the crew team at school," Adam replied on autopilot.

"What the fu- sorry, what’s a crew team?"

"Er, um, rowing." Autopilot. "You row a boat with other people in a race."

"Really? Get the fuck out? Rich people have some crazy ass sports. Do you know those stuck up Raven boys hunt foxes and call that shit sport? Oh yeah, of course you do. You were a Raven boy like Ronan. Imagine Ronan in that place! Bet he was a big pain in the ass then too. Did you play polo too?"

"I’m not rich," Adam said. Autopilot.

"You will be someday. That’s what Maura says. I play soccer. Did you know they call it football in Europe? Crazy, right? Hey, dude, you don’t look so good. You alright?"

Adam looked around the garden. There were neon purple butterflies flying around a strange looking flower with long orange petals. "This is where it was."

"Where what was?"

"Here. I know it."

"Dude, you’re kinda freaking me out."

"He put a forest here. A fucking forest. And grew his hair out!"

"Okay. Yeah. You’re really freaking me out. I’m going to get Maura."

Adam watched where Liam had disappeared into the trees, but he didn’t see the forest at all anymore. He saw the dirt driveway that led away from his trailer and Ronan’s BMW brake lights flashing red. _‘Just go, Ronan,’_ he had thought. He had been in blinding pain, confused, scrambling to figure out how to diffuse his father’s anger, but he knew – more than anything he had ever known before - that Ronan wasn’t going anywhere. At first, Adam had thought that Ronan had been trying to save him and he'd resented him for it. Adam finally realized that it had been actually what it had looked like. Ronan just wanted to beat the shit out of Robert Parrish.

"Hey," Maura said softly and sat down beside him.

"I know this is where it was. The trailer."

"Was it?" She looked around. "Oh. I didn’t know. Ronan planned all of this himself."

"I know it was. I can feel it. And, well, you know, it’s _Ronan_." His breath hitched and tears sprung to his eyes.

"I think you need to take a step back for a while, get some rest. I called Dean. He’s here now to take you to our place."

"300 Fox Way?"

"302 Fox Way. We moved in there a few years ago."

He had known that. Blue had told him. Blue. The only person who he couldn’t completely ignore. She wouldn’t let him. She was relentless, sending him calendar invites for scheduled calls, reminding him about them through texts. But when was the last time they talked? Right. The day before his law school graduation. _‘I’m so sorry, Adam! Gansey and I are stuck here in Scotland. The red squirrels really need us! We’ll be home in the fall. We hope to see you then. Congratulations. We’re so proud of you! Miss you!’ _She called every Christmas, on Adam’s birthday, and all his major life milestones, trying to hold onto him. Every phone call he had her with her, as soon as they hung up he had promptly forgotten about – no, ignored that it had happened. 

Maura stood and held his elbow, leading him to stand up. She held his arm and led him back towards her office.

Adam’s thoughts were like someone changing a radio station back and forth between two channels…

_Short Term Goals. Impress Walsh. Pass bar._

_He created a dream garden right on top of my nightmare._

_Short Term Goals. Impress Walsh. Pass bar._

_He created a dream garden right on top of my nightmare._

_Short Term Goals. Impress Walsh. Pass bar._

_He created a dream garden right on top of my nightmare._

In front of Maura’s office stood Mr. Gray, holding his bags and looking very sympathetic. They both walked him to a car. Adam had half expected it to still be Kavinsky's old Mitsubishi. Instead, it was a new black Toyota RAV4.

As Mr. Gray put his bags in the trunk, Maura opened the passenger door for him and waited for him to sit down. "Go get some rest. I have some things to finish up here. I’ll check on you after lunch."

Lunch? They haven’t even made it to lunch yet. Adam looked at his phone. It was only 9:25 am. Jesus. How the fuck had all this happened before fucking lunch?

"No studying. No work. Just close your eyes and rest." Adam held the door so she couldn’t close it. "Adam, let me close the door."

"But… but he told me to leave. He _wanted_ me to leave."

Maura shook her head. "Please rest. We’ll talk later."


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam learns not to trust Jimi's food or drink.

The residents of 300 Fox Way might have split up, but you’d never know it. As soon as Dean – _'please, Adam, call me Dean.'_ \- opened the door to 302 Fox Way, Jimi was there, ready for him. "Oh, baby, come here." She hugged him tight before pushing him through a small hallway to the back of the house and into a bright white kitchen, where Orla, looking hardly any older than the last time he had seen her, sat painting her nails. 

"Shoo, Orla," Jimi said. 

Orla blew on her nails. "Why?"

"Because you don’t live here."

"Neither do you."

"Maura asked me to come here and take care of Adam."

Orla slowly looked Adam up and down. "Maybe I can take care of Adam as well."

"Orla!" Jimi waved her finger at her daughter. "Enough."

She rolled her eyes. "He swings both ways, you know."

"Orla!" Jimi snapped. 

Orla gave up and gathered her belongings. With one last nasty look at her mother and a wink for Adam, she disappeared out a side door. 

"I’m sorry about her," Jimi said, leading Adam to sit down at the table. Adam put his head his hands, trying to figure out how to ignore everything that had happened this morning. He didn't know if he could stay here any longer. Kelly might understand, he thought. 

"Here, Adam," Jimi said softly. He looked up to see a mug of tea and a plate of scones in front of him. She pushed the mug closer to him. "Drink. Drink."

"What is it?"

"Simple black tea."

It didn’t smell _simple_ to Adam. "Just black tea?"

"Well with chamomile, of course, and mugwort and just a pinch of anise." She nudged the mug even closer. Adam hesitated. He knew that Jimi’s specialty was herbs and that her teas sometimes had mind-altering affects. "How about we start with a scone then?" She picked up the plate and held it for him. "Hibiscus and lavender."

Well, now that his stomach had settled, he was hungry. He grabbed one and took a bite. "Wow. These are really good."

Jimi beamed with pride. She laid the plate down in front of him. "So, tell me about yourself. Blue updates us sometimes, but –"

"I’d rather hear about Blue… and Gansey." Adam took a sip of the tea. "Where are they now?"

"In Scotland. The red squirrels, the poor things, are still in endangered."

Adam swallowed half of a scone and washed it down with a gulp of tea. He hadn’t realized just how hungry he had been. "Where were they before that?" Before he'd finished the remaining half of the scone, he had another one in his other hand.

"Um… let me think..."

"Oh – oh!" Adam said, accessing some of the facts he had filed away under ‘ignore’ in his brain. "I think I remember. Nepal, right? Gansey had found some ruins and they were exploring, right?"

"I think maybe you’re right. We'd received a rather large shipment from them after that trip."

"Shipment?"

"They ship their interesting finds back here to us. Shed out back is full of them. More tea, dear?" 

With a mouth full of scone, Adam nodded. He hadn’t felt this relaxed and comfortable in a long time. He finished the plate of scones and looked around for more. 

"No. That’s enough, dear." Jimi patted his hand. "Finish the tea then." She pulled her phone from the pocket of her dress and tapped on the screen. "You might enjoy these." She placed the phone on the table in front of him and he looked down at a photo of Blue and Gansey. It a selfie taken by a sitting Gansey, with Blue standing behind him, leaning her chin on his shoulder. He studied Gansey first, thinking when was the last time he had seen him? Four, maybe five years ago. He looked like an adult now, but somehow younger than Adam had ever seen him. His hair was longer, more causal, and he still wore his simple wire-framed glasses. He looked like the Real Gansey. Not like the future politician that everyone had always thought he would be. No. This was the wise and compassionate Gansey. The Gansey who loved Blue and his friends and quests and magic. This was happy Gansey. Everyone had always said that Richard Gansey III was destined for greatness. Looking at this photo, Adam knew that Gansey had achieved it, it just wasn’t the sort of greatness that people had meant. 

Then there was Blue. She was still blindingly beautiful. Of course, she went opposite of the boys and had hair much shorter than she used to wear it. Her brown skin glowed and she radiated happiness. _‘I miss them so much.’_ The thought had leaked out of the fortress he kept his emotions in and took him by surprise.

"You can flip through them," Jimi said. "There are several of them on there." She sat quietly watching him as he flipped through photos of Blue and Gansey in various locations during different seasons, but always looking happy. 

He started to feel light-headed and tingly. He didn’t drink often. He didn’t like it, but he had learned that it was expected in certain social and professional situations. Turning down a drink, made him look strange, like an outsider. So, he had learned how to have a beer or two, or a glass of wine or two, and keep a level head. There were a few occasions where he had one extra and had gotten a slight buzz. That’s how he felt right now.

"I think maybe it’s time you get some rest," Jimi said. "Dean brought your bags to the guest room. It’s right at the top of the stairs. Let me show you."

Upstairs there were four closed doors, Jimi opened one and led him inside. 

"What’s that smell?" he asked. 

"Oh, just some cinnamon," she waved her hands around the room, "gets out the musky smell." 

She walked him through where he could find extra pillow and blankets, if he needed them, and where he could find the bathroom. She told him to lie down and, because he was too tired and relaxed to fight her, he did. She took off his loafers, placed them next to the bed, and pulled the patchwork quilt up over him. She closed the blinds and curtains and then kissed him on the forehead and left. When she closed the door behind her, the room became completely dark. 

Adam closed his eyes.

~ ~ ~

Adam sat on the highest rooftop at the Barns, on a perfect autumn day, watching Ronan below him chopping wood. He knew this wasn’t a memory. He had to have been dreaming, because this wasn’t the same Ronan from seven years ago or the most recent version he'd seen, this was Ronan with loeven longer angry hair and, the stubble Adam had seen earlier that day, grown now into beard territory. This wasn’t the same place he had left either. The farmhouse had newly painted deep green shutters, in the south, there were two new barns, painted a deep brick red, and his favorite one, the one he is sitting on now - the one that he'd sat with Ronan on hot summer nights looking up at the sky, sometimes talking, sometimes not, sometimes crying, always touching - had a new roof. He loved this place, the safest place he had ever known, and it hurt to think he hadn’t known it had changed.

It felt like hours that he had been sitting there, watching Ronan care for the Barns. Ronan had his earbuds in, and Adam could hear him singing words that he didn’t understand. Gaelic, he presumed. 

Adam felt something inside of him unraveling. 

When the sun started to go down, he sensed someone next to him. He turned to find Gansey sitting next to him, looking exactly as he had in the photo he'd seen earlier. He was watching Ronan as well.

"What are you doing here?" Adam asked.

"You tell me," replied Gansey.

"Aren’t you supposed to be protecting squirrels in Scotland?"

"Aren’t you supposed to be in DC protecting the elite?"

"Well..." Adam frowned and looked away. "You sure came out swinging. Go on. Say it then?"

"Say what?"

"Tell me I’m a real fucking dick."

"If that’s what you want to hear. You’re a real fucking dick."

"Gee. Thanks."

"I have a few other things that I’d like to say, but I don’t think you want to hear them."

Adam pulled his knees into his chest and hugged them. "Probably not."

They watched the sunset in silence. And when the last inch of the sun disappeared and fireflies danced in front of them, Gansey asked, "So, you got everything that you wanted, then?"

"I'm an academic success, with a folder full of glowing recommendations, and a job that will lead me down a successful career."

"That didn’t answer my question."

"I did everything I'd planned to do."

Gansey made a sound of agreement. "But did that erase him from existence?"

"Who? Ronan?"

"No. Your father."

Adam looked back at Gansey, who was finally looking back at him.

"No," Adam said, looking away from Gansey’s knowing eyes.

"Did it change anything that happened to you? Can you hear out of your left ear?"

"You know that it didn’t."

"I know it didn’t. I’m asking if _you_ know that it didn't."

"What's wrong with wanting to be educated?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. What you’ve accomplished is truly amazing."

"Yeah. Especially given my background, right?"

"Jesus Christ, Adam. Yes. Especially given your background." Before Adam could say anything, Gansey quickly continued. "Because you didn’t have privileges. You didn’t walk into a classroom and a professor automatically thought you were smart because of your last name or what your parents did. Because you went to class exhausted from work, from walking and biking everywhere, and hungry from not having the time to eat. Because you didn’t have your parents or older siblings to network for you. So, you had to do it yourself. You had to pile extra circular activities on top of too much you already had to do. You were on the crew team, for christ's sake, and deaf in one ear. Yes, Adam, especially given your background. You built everything that you have from nothing. I’m proud of you. And I’m glad that you’re proud of yourself."

Ignoring the compliment, Adam pressed on, leaning into the argument. "What does any of that have to do with my father?"

"It shouldn’t have anything to do with your father. That’s my point."

"Well, it didn’t. I did it for me."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Gansey stretched his legs out and laid back, resting his head in the palms of his hands. "What now then? School’s done. We both know you’ll pass the bar exam. What now?"

"Why don’t you just say what this is really about, Gansey?"

Adam knew that there was a question that he needed to answer, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask. He hoped Gansey would.

"And what do you think this is really about, Parrish?"

"Ronan."

"No – no - nope." Gansey's laugh was without any humor. "I’m not talking to you about Ronan."

"Why not?"

"Don’t worry. I won’t talk to him about you either."

"Why?"

"Why? _Why_?" He shot back up to sitting position. "Because I warned both of you not to do the thing that you both went and did anyway. Neither of you listen to me, so why should I bother?"

Adam really couldn’t argue with that. 

Stars were starting to appear in the sky. Adam looked back down for Ronan. He found him at the end of the driveway, stretched out on the hood of the black truck and staring up at sky. He'd put on a black hoodie splattered with various colors of paint. He looked content and serene. Adam had never seen Ronan look like that, even that summer, seven years ago, there had always been worry behind his eyes, a slight tension in his body, a cloud of grief always over him. Not tonight though. Tonight, Ronan looked at peace and it made him look even more beautiful than Adam had ever seen him. 

"He’s different," Adam said.

Gansey sighed. "No. He isn’t."

"His hair."

"Okay, yeah, his hair." After a pause, Gansey laughed and added, "I bet he did it to piss off Declan."

Adam laughed too. "No doubt. I’m glad to see he has though. He hated his hair for the same reason he hated photos and mirrors. Because he looked so much like his father that it hurt."

"He’s better than Niall Lynch." 

Adam nodded. He had always thought it, but never put it to words. He wouldn’t have dared. Never knew Gansey thought it too. Niall Lynch had been a selfish man and a liar. He had put his family at risk for money and attention. He'd treated his oldest son with contempt and created a dream woman to fulfill his fantasies. He'd left Ronan alone and confused about his power. He'd led a life that led to the son, who'd worshiped him like a god, finding his head broken down to the brain. Niall Lynch had been a narcissist, who Adam thought had probably been incapable of any real love. People thought Ronan was an exact copy of Niall. Adam knew better. Ronan looked like his father. He had his father’s magic and bravado and swagger. But Ronan had been created and built inside a magnificent creature who only knew how to do and receive one thing – _love_. Niall Lynch had never bothered to worry about keeping his family safe. Ronan would rip out his own heart out of his chest to keep those he loved safe. Ronan was so much more of a better human than Niall Lynch ever was.

Gansey sighed again, sounding disappointed that he even had to say what he was about to say. "He’s still Ronan. Just because people do different things, doesn’t mean they are different."

Ronan was still on the car, but now he was smiling: a small and delicate smile, simple, but filled with so much. Jealousy, hot and white and vicious, ripped through Adam. He hated whatever or whomever made Ronan this happy. 

"I’m not an idiot!" It was déjà vu. He had said this before. They'd had a conversation like this before. 

"I told you. I’m not having this conversation with you. I warned you. I warned him."

The jealously turned into fury. That specific anger. His father’s gift. He hadn’t felt it in years. It sprung up inside of him so quickly that Adam didn’t have a chance to grab a hold of it and wrestle it down.

"Oh, you warned him about me, did you?"

"Don’t do this. You know that’s not what I did. You know I only wanted the best for both of you."

Adam balled his hands into fist on his knees and turned to glare at Gansey. "What was the best for both of us? Was it you? Was it you who told him to end it? Tell me. Don’t lie to me. Were they your words he said to me _‘I want to just end it now before we ruin both of our lives and ned up hating each for it’_ Did you put that in his head?"

"Stop. Just stop this." Gansey’s voice switched to his kingly voice and it only angered Adam more.

Adam looked away. "Fine. If you don’t want to tell me the truth, then just leave. Get the fuck out of my dreams. And give the squirrels my regards."

After he received no reply, Adam turned and looked at an empty spot where Gansey had been. "Fuck." The anger left him as quickly as it had come and he missed Gansey already.

He looked down at Ronan, still with the same smile, but now petting a large ginger tomcat that was curled up on his stomach. Adam’s heart ached

He closed his eyes.

~ ~ ~

Adam woke disoriented, his head hurt and his mouth was dry. He licked his lips and rubbed his eyes. His phone, still in his pocket, buzzed and vibrated against his leg. He fished it out of his pocket and read the text visible on his lock screen.

‘The fucking squirrels send their regards back. Miss you, too. Love, Gansey’

"What the…?" Adam sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Jesus Christ. I don’t have time for this level of weird shit to start happening. It was just a dream. Focus."

But he read the text again. It was there and it was real. He certainly wasn’t a stranger to psychic events. But he couldn’t work out exactly what had happened. It couldn’t have happened today. It had been night and autumn in his dream state. And Gansey was in Scotland, five hours ahead. He probably hadn’t been asleep and dreaming at the same time as Adam. Maybe, he thought, he had been talking in his sleep and Jimi heard him and texted Gansey. 

He could ignore the text and pretend it didn’t happen. He didn’t want to ask Gansey what had happened, because, if Gansey hadn’t experienced anything strange and this was just some strange coincidence, it would open a door for Gansey to start asking questions about how Adam was feeling. But he felt strongly that he should reply; so, he typed the first thing that came to his mind: _‘Tell Blue that I like her hair.’_

"What the hell did you give him, Jimi?" Maura's voice traveled up the stairs and into the bedroom.

Adam stopped staring at the phone and listened. 

"Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing," replied Jimi.

"Do you? Do you really?" This was Calla’s voice even angrier than normal. "You seem to have forgotten how strong he is. You gave him too much. Did you feel that surge?"

"We agreed to push things along if needed," Jimi argued. "You said even a shove when needed."

"A shove," Calla hissed, "but not off a goddamn cliff!"

The voices got lower, unable for him to hear any longer, and he assumed they'd moved to the kitchen. He looked at his phone again to read a string of text from Kelly. He looked at the time, shocked to see it was close to one. He had felt like he’d slept longer than only a few hours.

He went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face and brush his teeth before heading downstairs where he found Calla, Maura, and Jimi sitting at the kitchen table. 

"Don’t eat or drink anything Jimi gives you," Calla said. "Ever again."

"Hello to you, too, Calla," Adam said. "And, yeah, I've learned my lesson. I’ll just have some water, please."

At least, Jimi looked a bit embarrassed. 

"Are you okay?" Maura asked him as she poured him a glass of water.

"Yeah – yeah fine. Okay," he replied and drank the entire glass in one go. He leaned against the refrigerator, took out his phone, and scrolled through Kelly’s text. She had asked Shorty and Patty Wetzel, the owners of the Pleasant Valley Bed and Breakfast, about the winery. They knew of it and told her the general direction it was in. They said they’d heard about an expensive wine being sold there, but didn’t know anything more. And maybe she should ask over at the post office or the general store. 

Adam looked up from his phone and saw all three women staring at him, Calla looking annoyed, Jimi looking sympathetic, and Maura looking expectant. "Uh… so, do any of you know about a local winery here that sells a really expensive, rare bottle of wine?"

A few odd seconds of silence followed. The sort of silence that you hear when you walk into a room where you were being talked about. Adam narrowed his eyes. Maura answered calmly – so calm that it sounds fake. "Yes, I do. It’s a restaurant as well as a winery. A favorite of Dean and mine. The food is exquisite. Farm to table fresh." She sounded like a commercial.

It was the answer he was looking for, but it seemed too easy, especially with these three. "Okay. That’s helpful," he said, sitting down at the far end of the table. "That’s the reason I’m here. My boss wants a bottle. He sent me, figuring me being a local and all that I would be able to track it down quickly."

Calla reached towards him and, quickly remembering her abilities, he pulled his hand closer to him. She grabbed the sugar bowl in front of him. "Don’t worry, Magician boy, I’m not interested in seeing your wet dreams over the Snake’s new hairdo."

Adam put his face in hands. "Ugh, Calla, please. Don’t."

"See!" Calla said. "I was right."

He pointed a finger at her. "No. You are not right. I was _not_ having a sex dream about Ronan. Now can we please stay on topic!"

He could see Calla’s eyes burning to reply, but Maura had jumped in before she could speak. "I can’t promise you a bottle, but you’re in luck! It’s Friday and it's open tonight. Dean and I would love to take you there tonight for dinner."

"Thank you. That’s –"

Maura put up her hand to shush him. "You send Kelly home now. No reason for here to stay around here all weekend."

"Well… if I get a bottle tonight, then I can –"

Calla snorted. 

"You can stay the weekend," Maura said. 

"I won’t have a car to get home," Adam pointed out.

"Don’t you worry about that now, Adam," Jimi said.

"I really have to worry about that. I have work on Monday."

"There are plenty of cars around here," Maura said. "I’m sure someone will lend you one."

"How will I get it back?" 

Jimi added, "Or someone can drive you."

Adam looked from one to the other. "This doesn’t sound like a go –"

"Great!" Maura slapped the table. "It’s settled then."

"I really don’t think –"

"Oh, boy, just give it up," Calla snapped. "Call the damn woman and tell her to leave."

As stubborn as Adam could be, he knew he was no match for these women. Even Jimi looked determined and resigned at this point. "Fine. You win."

As he left the room to call Kelly, he heard Calla say, "Thick as a fucking brick. And I don’t care what he says – wet dream."

"I can hear you," he shouted over his shoulder.

"I don’t care," she shouted back.

Kelly insisted on staying at first, but Adam convinced her in the end. "An outsider might not sit well. I’ll be at the winery tonight and can spend time with people I know and get more information."

"All right. I do have a lot of work to get done and the WiFi here sucks. Keep in touch with me regarding costs. I’ll be able to authorize any payments. Hopefully, it can be done electronically."

After he hung up, he turned, startled, to find Maura right there behind him. "I’m going back to the center," she said. "Would you like to join me?"

Adam shook his head slowly, unsure. "If Ronan doesn’t want –"

"Don’t worry about Ronan. I can handle him too."

He lifted an eyebrow at her. "Too?"

"Don’t start with me, Adam Parrish. Get whatever you need and let’s go."

~ ~ ~

Maura Sargent had a soft spot for survivors who deserved so much better than the world had given them. And Maura believed that Adam deserved a hell of lot better than his abusive, worthless parents had given him and a whole hell of a lot better than he was currently giving to himself. He was worth so much more than those people in Washington. Had so many talents that they'd never understand. Everyone had always believed that Richard "Dick" Gansey the Third was the leader, the driver of it all. She had believed that too once. But Dean, her own survivor, had been the one to see that no, no that was Adam, and Maura had come to see that they were both right.

When they left the house, Adam had been visibly shocked when he saw Ronan’s truck in the driveway.

"Mine’s in the shop," she explained.

She felt a pang of guilt of how things had gone this morning. She worried it had been too much too soon for him. They had predicted that Adam would be showing up today, but not what time. She’d created a situation that required Ronan to be there as early as possible so he wouldn’t miss Adam. When that went as expected, sadly, she had asked Liam to give Adam a tour, making sure that Adam saw the small forest. She hadn’t known for sure that was where Adam’s parents’ trailer had stood, but she'd strongly suspected. When Liam had run to her to tell her that Adam was acting strange, she really started to worry that she had pushed too hard.

Maura’s reason for concern wasn’t all about Adam Parrish and his feelings or his relationship, or lack thereof, with Ronan. It was the beginning of a new seven-year cycle. There was a reason they called it the seven-year-itch and why things in history often happened in seven days or seven years. Seven was very important in the spiritual realm and every seven years a new spiritual cycle occurred. The ley line, Ronan’s dreamworld, and even the town of Henrietta itself were going to begin a new cycle, and without its favorite native-born son here to be its Magician, it might take an ugly and dark turn. 

She worried though that it was too late. Persephone had warned them before she died, "Don’t let that one stray too far for too long. He’ll get lost." They had thought she meant while scrying, but, with hindsight, Maura knew what she had meant. Calla had once called Adam a train wreck, and Maura had joked that he wasn’t a train wreck but a derailment. That day she had heard him say, "That would mean I was on the tracks to start with." She glanced at him now, sitting ramrod straight in the passenger seat, and thought, _‘Poor boy, you got on a track, for sure, but can you get off it now.’ _

Adam had always been a difficult one to read. His own psychic abilities made him too loud to hear sometimes, but she also suspected it was because he was essentially two people: the one he was born to be and the one he thought he had to be. She wasn’t sure if she could steer him to switch to the right track, but she had to trust in her intuition, experience, and the cards to guide her. 

While she was thinking about Adam, he sat next to her in the passenger seat, on his phone, scrolling and tapping, nervous energy radiating from him. She decided to try and make some small talk. She lowered the music, until it was just faintly heard, but before she could speak, he said, "I wasn’t sure I was even in Ronan’s car." He pointed at the radio. "What with decent music on and all. But then I saw the litter of tickets on the floor in the backseat."

She chuckled. "That’s my station. I’ve learned to be prepared to turn down the volume as soon as I start the truck. Meredith will take care of those tickets."

"Meredith?"

"The center’s admin assistant. Once a month, she’ll gather them up and pay them out of Ronan’s private account. Nowadays, most of them are just parking tickets. The cops – well, Ronan can still really push their buttons, but they appreciate what he’s done for the kids, so sometimes they look the other way when he does… well, you know – _Ronan_ sort of things."

He tapped a finger on the screen of his phone. "What I’m trying to work out is how did he get a hold of land that Walmart wanted?"

"You’ve been doing your research, then."

"Not hard." He waved his phone around. 

"How’d you know it was Ronan? Technically, the Clashmore Foundation is the benefactor."

"Niall Lynch’s father was born and lived in Clashmore, Ireland. Worked in a distillery there."

"Uh. Didn’t know that. To be honest, I thought it was the name of one of those awful bands he likes." She laughed, but Adam didn’t. He still looked intent and determined. There was one question weighing on her own mind. "Adam, did you know about your parents? Did they tell -?"

"My mother wrote me before they moved. She didn’t give me their new address. She just said they were moving to Georgia."

"Oh, Adam, I’m so sor –"

"They didn’t tell me that the entire trailer park was gone. I’m assuming that the developer bought them all out."

"They did. From what I hear, they were actually really fair to the residents. Gave them more than the trailers and land were worth. Then Ronan got wind of it all… he absolutely hated the idea of a Walmart. Blue said he ranted and raved about it for weeks. If he hadn’t gotten the youth center started, I reckon he'd be spending his days harassing people in the parking lot and his nights vandalizing the building."

"So, back to my original inquiry. How did he get the land?"

"Asked for a favor."

"From whom?"

She took a deep breath, knowing this one was going to cause some sort of emotional reaction. "Senator Gansey."

Adam crossed his arms over his chest. "Really. I thought he wanted to keep it apolitical? I thought he didn’t trust politicians?"

"He trusts Gansey and Gansey trusts his mom wouldn’t use it for any political gain."

Adam made a sarcastic, angry noise. She tried to keep him talking, leading him away from the storm brewing. "Have you ever run into her in Washington?"

"I’ve seen her on the Senate floor, but I was in the gallery. She must’ve called in a big favor to snatch that out from under Walmart." 

"I’m sure she did. Gansey knew it was really important to Ronan. You should have seen… um, well, Ronan showed up one day at the house and said he had an idea for a youth center. He looked determined. I thought it'd be something small, basement of St. Agnes’s or something. But he rolled out these plans and it was, well, you saw it."

"He dreamed up the plans." It wasn’t a question, but she nodded anyway.

"We all got involved after that. Calla’s really good with numbers. Her and Dean helped him put together a budget. A friend of his from church owns a construction company and helped with the building planning. And Gansey asked his sister Helen to help him with how to raise outside funds."

"Ronan’s name isn’t on the staff list on the site. What does he actually do there?"

"Oh, you know Ronan. Nothing in particular and everything and anything that he wants to do. The kids adore him. Some of the parents too. Some of them aren’t too sure, because, well, you know how frustrating and intimidating he can be."

Adam didn’t reply. He remained silent, looking out the window, for a few minutes. Maura played with the air conditioner and waited.

"Calla was wrong," he said. "It just wasn’t Ronan in my dream. It was Gansey too."

"Oh really!" Maura said, smirking. 

"No – no that’s not… I mean – no. She was wrong about that too! We were just talking."

"I’m only teasing you."

"It wasn’t just a dream, was it?"

"No. It wasn’t." 

"Do you know what happened?"

Maura made a non-committal sound. 

"Well, thanks for nothing."

She sighed. "I don’t really know for certain what happened. Your natural abilities surprise even Calla sometimes. Only Persephone understood what you’re capable of. We can work it out though. If you stay…"

Adam shook his head. "I’m not staying. I have a job in Washington. I have the bar exam coming up. My life isn’t here."

"Neither was Niall Lynch’s. Or Gansey’s. Or Dean’s. But they made one."

Before she'd finished, they'd turned onto the road leading to the center. Adam’s face got tighter and his shoulders more tense. She hoped Adam had a chance to spend time at the center before any confrontation occurred with Ronan. She wanted him to see how special it was to the community. 

After parking and getting him into the center, she introduced him to Meredith to formally check him in and give him a visitor’s pass. Something that Maura had forgone that morning, but he needed now that the center was full with children, some of their parents, and staff.

Adam went along with it all, staying very quiet. She told him that she had work to do, but he was free to wander around. "Talk to some of the staff and the kids. I really want you to see what we do here," she told him.

She watched him wander off, but not very far. He stopped at the main bulletin board and looked at it intently. His eyes moving to every poster, every note pinned into the cork, one-by-one, consuming it all. She went to her office and set an alarm on her phone for two hours. She needed to mediate. There had been a lot of noise in her head since Adam had returned, but now, having the two forces of nature that were Adam Parrish and Ronan Lynch this close together, it was at max volume. 

An hour later, she awoke from her trace and grabbed her cards. They told her what she'd expected. 

She quickly called 300 Fox Way. "Calla, the next cycle begins earlier than we expected. It starts on Sunday. The summer solstice. Be prepared to give a good hard shove."


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam watches a basketball game, drinks wine, gets a sunburn, and gets a few mosquito bites.

All around Adam, the center vibrated with life and energy, every room filled with kids and staff. He tried to take it all in, process it, and remember it. He spent a long time standing outside a room with a banner on the door that said "LGBTQIA Safe Space." Like the other group rooms he'd seen, this one also had a board with a calendar of events, some therapy or support type meetings, and some social events. Adam was reading about a Pride Dance being held next weekend in the auditorium, when Liam walked out of the room.

Liam held out his fist. "Yo, bruh. ‘Sup?"

"Hey, Liam." Adam gave him a fist bump, even though it felt awkward. He never felt that he was cool enough to pull one of them off. 

"You alright?"

"Yeah. Sorry about that. That forest is just…"

"Don’t trip." Liam put his hand up. "We’ve all got our own crazy shit going on. I get it."

"Thanks. I was just reading about the Pride Dance."

"Oh hey, yeah. Are you," he waved his hand under the LGBTQIA letters, "one of us?"

Adam tapped at the ‘B’.

"Cool- cool. Here." Out of his pocket, he pulled a twisted black leather bracelet with a single ball in the pride flag colors. "You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to. Um, the group made them. Put it on your key ring or something, if you want…"

Adam noticed that Liam was wearing one. He held out his left wrist for Liam to put it on. Liam smiled as he put it on. 

Liam stood back and inspected it. "That doesn’t look basic on you."

"Thanks. I think." 

"Come on, come meet the fam."

Adam followed Liam into the cafeteria. There were small groups of kids of different age scattered around. Liam’s friends were the oldest there, all ranging around mid-teens. Liam introduced Adam and the kids bombarded him with questions, including what Ronan was like when he was their age.

"Sarcastic and moody," answered Adam truthfully. _‘And fierce and loyal and angry and dangerous and full of too much of love and beautiful.’_

"Nothing’s changed then," a girl with short, blonde and pink hair replied. 

Was that true? Was Ronan still that Ronan? And, if he was, was there any part of the Adam, who never wanted to leave him, left?

The kids had a lot of question of their own. 

_Have you met the President? Yes, once. Just a handshake._

_How many rooms does the White House have? 132._

_Were you in all of them? No._

_Does it snow a lot at Harvard? Yes._

_How much? One year it snowed 68 inches._

_How much will you get paid as a lawyer? I don’t know._

He returned with questions about the center and their plans for the summer. Eventually, the questions tapered off, the kids started to look bored, and Adam took the hint that it was time for the adult to leave. He excused himself and walked away feeling strange and a bit sad, like you often do in your twenties when you start to realize that you’re the adult now. 

He decided to check out the sports area. Once outside, he felt the forest in the courtyard trying to pull him in, but he walked around it, avoiding it, knowing that he didn’t deserve it until he answered the question. Was he still that Adam?

"Mr. Parrish!"

Adam turned toward the voice behind him and saw one of Liam’s friends from the cafeteria jogging up to him.

"Adam. You can call me Adam. Um…"

"Alex."

"Hey, Alex. What’s up?"

"Um, you’re a lawyer, right?"

"Well not yet. I have to pass an exam first."

"Right… okay, but you know about law and all that stuff?"

"I do. Some. There’s a lot of laws to learn though. Is there something that you need help with?"

"Yeah, well. My dad – I live with my dad, since my parents stopped living together. He has, uh, full custody, and I get to see my mom every other weekend. And I want to know – see, my mom is taking my dad to court next month to try to get full custody, but, uh… is there a way that I can stop her from doing that?"

"Why would you want to do that?"

Alex tugged at the sleeve of his inappropriate-for-the-weather-long-sleeve shirt, and Adam's heart sunk.

"Alex, does your mom hurt you?"

"No! Never – _never_. She wouldn’t. She’s great. If she wins against my dad, I don’t know what he'll do."

"Does your dad have any guns?

"My dad’s a cop."

"Oh. Oh okay. Let me make sure I understand. You’re worried, if your mom gets custody, your dad will hurt her or you or both."

Alex shrugged. "Yeah. Maybe… I don’t know. He says things, but my mom says it’s just to scare us."

"Legally, there’s not much you can do to stop your mom from trying to get custody. You could tell your father’s lawyer that you don’t want to live with your mom and he could use that in court."

Alex shook his head. "No. I couldn’t." He shook his head harder. He looked close to tears. "That would break her – break her heart, and I wouldn't be able to see her again."

"I understand. I’m sorry though, Alex. There isn’t much you can do then to stop your mother." He wanted to tell him to talk to someone about his dad, but his dad was a cop, and Adam knew that left Alex and his mom powerless. Adam felt defenseless. He wished he would have a vision, see this boy’s future, but maybe not. Adam didn’t want to see a future where this terrified boy and his mother were murdered by an evil, controlling bastard. He couldn’t think of anything to do but give Alex his phone number and tell him to call him "Whenever – I mean it – whenever you need me."

Adam watched Alex walk back towards the main building. He knew Alex’s defeated face wouldn’t leave him anytime soon. He felt utterly helpless. 

Maura came out the door Alex had just walked through. "There you are," she called. "I have some time to show you around myself."

The look on his face must’ve been obvious because she gripped his forearm and looked at him sadly. "I know. He spends a lot of time here. That’s good. It’s not –"

"It’s better than nothing." The unspoken words hung in the air – _‘better than I had.’_ Next to him, the leaves of the trees rustled in a wind that was only blowing inside the dream forest. 

She squeezed his arm. "Come on. There’s a basketball game going on. Let’s go watch."

They walked through the field. The closer they got to the court, the louder the shouts of the game could be heard. 

The entire time Adam had walked around the center, he'd stayed hyperaware that he could run into Ronan at any time. When Maura had suggested the basketball game, Adam had a strong feeling that he’d see Ronan there, watching the game. Never in a million years would he have guessed that he would see Ronan actually playing in the game. But there he was in a pair of black shorts, shirtless, a sheen of sweat on his chest, tattoo sprawled across his back for everyone to see.

"Adam," Maura whispered, leaning in close to him, "close your mouth, dear. This is a family establishment."

Adam snapped his mouth shut and felt his cheeks explode with heat. 

Now that Maura had broken him from his trance, he took in the scene in front of him. Around the court, sitting in the grass, were a few dozen kids of mixed ages, though most were teenagers. It appeared to be a 'shirts versus skins' between the adult staff and older teens. One of the two referees, a tall middle-aged woman, called a foul on Ronan. Ronan went to the foul line and as he prepared for the shot, someone from the crowd yelled, "Don’t miss it, Ron-Nan." Without missing a beat, Ronan snapped back, "Don’t break my balls, Kev-in." 

Adam noticed that Ronan still wore leather bands on his wrist and that he had a new gold band on his right index finger. Ronan sunk both shots and the crowd cheered frantically. Ronan ignored them and ran down the court, covering the point guard.

Adam had never known Ronan to play basketball. He'd played tennis at Aglionby, and, if by play tennis you meant scowling at your opponent, calling them a fucking motherfucker, throwing a racket around, and looking gorgeous in tennis whites, then yes, he'd played tennis to satisfy their athletic requirement. The only real sport in Ronan’s world had been car racing. 

One of the adults got possession of the ball and passed it to Ronan. As he headed down the court, dribbling the ball, Ronan looked Adam’s way. Adam wasn’t even sure Ronan had seen him, until Ronan called a time out and walked off the court, looking angry. He said something to a guy standing on the sidelines, wearing a blue staff t-shirt. The guy took off his shirt and ran onto the court, taking Ronan’s place as point guard. Ronan grabbed a towel and water bottle and stormed off towards the building that Liam had informed Adam earlier was the gym, leaving the crowd, especially a group of teenage girls, looking very disappointed. 

Adam sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He shouldn’t be here. This wasn’t his home anymore. Being here was just stirring up bad feelings. He turned to Maura. "I think I should leave."

"Why don’t you go study in my office? You have your computer. You need to stay on schedule for your bar exam, right? You won’t get interrupted in there. I promise."

The thought of studying made him instantly feel more centered. Studying had always been his lifeboat. To stop himself from falling apart, Adam needed to fall into something. That something had always been school and studying. In front of him, stood a clear road to the bar exam. There were color coded notes and timetables and books, and, at the end of the road, was something that had only two answers: pass or fail.

~ ~ ~

A few hours later, Adam sat in the back of Dean’s car, Maura and his small talk background noise to Adam thoughts. Since he'd spent hours studying, he felt more relaxed, more centered. It was probably why he could feel the ley line’s power stronger now. All day it had been a prickle on his skin, but now he could feel it inside of him. He tugged at it, just a little, to see if he could, and it surged up, giving him a feeling like he could move the sky if he wanted to.

He realized the car had gotten quiet. He looked up and Maura was looking at him knowingly. To avoid her eyes, he looked out the window and saw where they were heading. He knew this winding road well. They were heading towards Singer’s Falls.

"Is this winery – what’s the name of it by the way – at the Barns?"

Maura turned away from him. "No. Of course, it isn’t. That would be ridiculous. Strangers can't go wandering around the Barns with all of that dream stuff just lying about."

"You didn’t tell me the name?"

"I didn’t. Oh, it’s simple really. Singer’s Falls Vineyards."

"Some people say winery," Dean added. "Singer’s Falls Winery."

Maura nodded. "Yeah. That too."

"I find it odd that there is no social media presence," Adam said. "Not even a website. How do people find it?"

"I think that’s why it’s so popular," said Dean. "Gives people the feeling they are in on a secret. What was it that local paper called it, Maura?"

"An underground dining experience."

"That’s it!"

"People love that," Maura added. "It’s all spread via word of mouth and a few articles in local newspapers."

"Mmm," Adam murmured. They drove passed the turnoff to the Barns and continued heading east for a few more miles, until Dean made a left onto a tree-lined dirt road. The road had no markers and there were no signs indicating they were approaching a vineyard. After about another mile, the trees cleared and in front of them was a parking lot. Adam counted fourteen cars. 

Dean parked the car and they all got out. Adam could see a stone footpath with lanterns hanging from branches on both sides. As he got closer to the path, he spotted a simple sign, only about 2 feet off the ground, the letters looked burned onto the wood. It read, "Singer’s Falls Vineyards."

At the end of the path, Adam walked through a doorway lined with twinkle lights into a converted barn, decorated with a mix of traditional and modern décor. They stopped in front of a host stand with no host in sight. 

"Hello and welcome to Singer’s Falls Vineyards. Do you have a reservation?"

He knew that voice. He turned and saw Orla striding towards them, looking beautiful in a long white off-the-shoulder white summery dress. The brown clunky shoes she wore, adding another three or four inches to her already tall frame. 

"You didn’t tell me that Orla works here," Adam said.

Maura looked at him innocently. "Didn’t I?" 

Orla winked at him before she stepped behind the host desk. "I’m multi-talented," she said, pointing to a chalkboard on the wall behind her announcing psychic readings that Sunday afternoon. "Now, let’s see about those reservations…" She narrowed her eyes as she scanned the reservation book. 

Maura tapped her finger on the book and said, "I think you’ll find it under _‘kiss my ass, Orla’_."

"I thought it was under _‘get the stick out of your ass, Maura.’_" She flipped her hair and grabbed three menus. "Follow me, please."

Orla led them through an archway in a wall behind her. Adam walked through last. The barn had been converted to a restaurant with six long wooden tables and benches in the middle, with several small tables, holding 2 or 4 people, along the sides. A bar ran along the length of one side of the wall. The wall on the backend of the barn had been replaced with glass, the top with windows and the bottom with wide doors, which were open, leading out to a patio with more tables.

There were only a few people by the bar. Adam could hear and see the majority of patrons were outside. A din of chatter and music filled the air. The main room was impressive, but what made this place special was outside. A brick patio extended out behind the barn. The tables were sparse, with lots of room between them. The music was coming from a guitar and two violin players, sitting in a gazebo in the middle of a wildflower garden. There was another barn and, to the side of that, in the distance, were the vineyards. The sun was low in the sky, casting a beautiful orange hue over them. Adam found it heavenly. 

Orla had led them to a table, put their menus down, and walked away. Maura and Dean sat. Adam stood at the side of the table and, just like he had let the ley line in, he let this place in. For the first time, since he'd seen Ronan this morning, his brain clicked on to run at full capacity. And he knew. The Celtic music. The white tablecloths and napkins with the emerald green embroidered triskelion. He knew. The wine bottles on the table with the same symbol on the label and the name "Fratres Aeterni." The beauty and the magnificence of the place. He knew. It was all Ronan. Not in the same way that the garden at the youth center was. It wasn’t a dream thing. This all felt mostly real. This was Ronan when Ronan was awake.

Except for the rare wine. Adam had worked that out too. Dream wine. Rarer than Senator Walsh could ever imagine.

Adam sat down. "This is how he gets the capital for the youth center."

It wasn’t a question, but Dean answered anyway, looking impressed. "The restaurant just about breaks even. The ordinary wines made a profit last fiscal year that went back into the winery for the improvements. The special edition wine is where the capital comes from for the youth center. There are donations outside of that as well."

"It’s a Lynch brothers' company?" Adam asked. Fratres Aeterni. Brother eternal. Brother forever.

They both nodded.

Adam had known that the Lynch fortune was big, but not infinite. That youth center cost a lot of money to build and a lot of money to keep up. 

He recalled a conversation him and Ronan had once had. Well, it was halfway between an argument and a conversation, which had started over Adam’s refusal to accept Ronan’s money.

_‘It’s not as if my family got this fortune through honest or hard work!’ Ronan argued. ‘They used their magic to build a personal empire. This money – I can’t even say that it’s my money – wasn’t earned. So, why the fuck can’t I give it to someone who does work hard – who does deserve it?’_

"Modern day Robin Hood, then," Adam said.

Maura smiled. "You could say that." 

A waiter showed up to tell them about the specials. He was an older man, well into retirement age, and not your usual age for a waiter. His weathered face and accent gave away that he was a local. 

Maura recommenced the pork chops and they ordered a bottle of pinot grigio. While they waited for the food, Dean fed Adam facts about the winery. Adam consumed them all. 333 acres that produces 7,200 bottles or 600 cases of wine, red, white, and rosé. Besides the dream wine, they also produced reserve wines and a library wine. Adam didn’t know what a library wine was and made a mental note to google it later. They had a staff of one winemaker, who Declan had recruited from California, fifteen full-time and twenty-eight part-time workers.

"And Ronan had the idea to start a high school education series on wine producing," Maura added. "It’s really grown."

Dean added, "Several of them are going on a trip to a vineyard in Italy to study soil chemistry."

Dinner came and Adam even accepted a glass of wine. After a few bites of the pork chops, which were covered in an apricot glaze and fantastic, he took a sip of the wine. Admittedly, he hadn’t tasted many wines, but it was good. And, even though Maura had told him it wasn’t the dream wine, he had sensed a bit of Ronan.

"The fertilizer," Maura said, reading his face or his mind. He could never be sure. 

"He usually doesn’t," Dean. "But it was a bad year, very dry, we would’ve lost a lot of the crop."

Adam noted the use of the word ‘we.’ "You work here?"

Dean nodded. "Marketing and distribution manager."

It made sense to Adam. Ronan needed people near him that he trusted. People who knew his secret and would protect it. He was curious about the winemaker, an outsider, and asked about him.

"He's not here all the time," Maura said. "Ronan acts like he doesn't like him. Simply because Declan insisted on him."

"Declan didn’t want this?" Adam asked.

"He did," Maura responded. "He actually thought it was a great investment. But you know how they are. They have to give each other a hard time."

"Declan wants to expand into IPAs," Dean said. "Ronan is furious. For no good reason other than Declan suggested it. He’ll come around."

"How do you like your collard greens?" Maura asked.

"Everything is excellent. Really. Top notch." He proved it by finishing everything on his plate. It was true that the food was great, but he also hadn’t had a real sit-down dinner in months. He even finished the glass of wine and complimented Maura on her choice with the meal.

While he was eating, he saw some of the other patrons walking around the property. He gestured towards the vineyard. "I’m going to take a walk around."

"Good idea," Maura said. 

Adam walked around, inspecting all of the gardens, filled with tomatoes, cucumbers, and squashes. When he reached the edge of the vineyard, he turned and took a good look back at the patio and the barn, taking it all in. It was close to dusk now and the twinkle lights glowed around the patio. The music had a slow romantic rhythm that tugged at his heart.

In the west, he could see the Barns. He followed a path through the vineyard, not very far, just enough to feel engulfed by them. He felt magic, not ley line magic or Ronan’s dream magic, this was something else. This was human magic, magic born from love and hard work.

He heard a dog barking and saw some sort of pit bull terrier. The type with a really broad chest. It was a silvery grey with a patch of white on top of its head. He saw it was a girl when she leapt up in the air at a bird flying around her. Not just any bird. A raven. A raven that was dipping just close enough to the dog’s head and just out of reach when the dog jumped at it.

"Chainsaw," Adam whispered. And, as if she heard him, she flew towards him, bringing the dog along with her. She flapped around his head as the dog ran around his ankles. 

"Hi, Chainsaw." She settled on his shoulders and pecked gently at his hair. He reached up to stroke her wing. "It’s good to see you. Who’s your friend?" He held his hand out for the dog to smell it, but she skipped all ceremony and went right to licking and then jumping on him. 

"Whoa, girl." He laughed and knelt down to avoid getting knocked down. "Aren’t you a sweetheart? What’s your name, girl?"

"Traitor."

Adam stopped breathing. He didn’t move, but the dog kept licking his face and Chainsaw kept tugging at his hair.

Ronan approached from the vines. "It’s getting dark, you two, let’s go."

Adam stood up. So many words ran circles in his head. All he managed was, "Hi."

Ronan didn’t look at him, he headed down the path. "Let’s go, I said."

The dog bounded after him, but Chainsaw stayed. Adam whispered, "It’s ok. Go on. Don't make him mad at you for me."

She flew off his shoulders and, as if proving a point, flew right past Ronan and the dog. Adam followed them all. Ronan and the dog headed into the barn. Adam followed him in there. The barn smelled like wine. Though, Adam didn’t see any wine making equipment. There were wood barrels stacked up along the walls. 

"Stop following me," Ronan said without turning around.

"I think we should talk," Adam said.

"There’s nothing to talk about."

From the loft, Chainsaw appeared and flew back towards Adam. She had something bright and silver in her mouth. Adam held out his palm and she dropped it in there before flying back into the loft. He inspected it. It was just a plain, smooth silver disc. He held it tight in his fist before he slipped it into the pocket of his jeans.

Ronan was standing by a table, appearing not to be doing anything but moving things around. The dog laid by his feet.

Adam set his shoulders. Someone had to try to break the wall between them. He stepped closer. "This place – the restaurant, the winery – it’s amazing."

Ronan ignored him. Adam moved closer. "And the youth center… it’s…" He recalled what Gansey had said that Ronan hadn’t changed. And that was the truth. Adam could see it now. All of it was so Ronan. It was Ronan free from Aglionby, free from grief, free from Declan’s control. Free to bring his dreams, both magical and imagined, out into the world. 

Adam stepped even closer, so close he could reach out his arm and touch Ronan. Because that’s what he wanted to do. Touch, not talk. What would he say? _‘I couldn’t deal with losing you, so I ignored you. I tip-toed around my memories like I had learned to do my father. I buried my pain underneath knowledge. I don’t know if I can shed this hard skin I've wrapped myself in to find the person inside who never, ever wanted to leave you.’_

Ronan finally broke the silence. He spun around and said, "It’s none of your business. _I’m_ none of your business."

They were even closer. Ronan’s face was difficult and angry, but there was something in his eyes. Something vulnerable. Something Adam had once, long ago, taken a hold of and tried to care for. 

Adam took one step forward and reached out for Ronan’s wrist. He said softly, "I want…" He couldn’t finish. He couldn’t finish. There wasn’t another word after that. He just _wanted_.

Adam’s eyes drifted to Ronan’s wrist. His thumb was sliding along a band just like the one Liam had given him. He looked up and saw Ronan was looking at the band as well. His face had softened a bit; his eyes were glowing. Then his eyes moved to the matching band on Adam’s wrist and his face hardened again. He growled. The dog lifted her head, she growled.

Ronan stepped closer in a move that felt both threatening and sexy. He grabbed the wrist of Adam’s hand and yanked it away. "And Calla calls me a snake."

"What does that mean?"

"You know what the fuck it means, Parrish."

"I only want –"

"I’m not stupid. I know why you came here and I know you."

"You don’t know everything."

"I know you’ll do whatever it takes to get things done."

Adam had actually forgotten why he'd come here. He had to think for a minute. Think of everything beyond Ronan. "Yeah okay. It’s true. I came here for work, but -"

"I know what you want and you’ve got it. It’s yours. I’ll drop off a bottle in the morning. You can take it back to the Senator and go back to forgetting all about us. That’ll make you fucking happy." 

He stalked by Adam, heading for the door and snapping his fingers for the dog.

"Will you let me talk?" Adam shouted. 

"No," Ronan replied. Before he walked out the door, he shouted, presumably to Chainsaw, "You can sleep here tonight."

It took several minutes to compose himself. When Adam left the barn, the only thing left of the day was a dull orange floating along the horizon. He sat back at the table and argued with Maura over who was paying. Eventually, he said, sounding angrier than he wanted to, "I can expense it. Let the Senator pay for it." She agreed, looking concerned, and they left. 

The ride back to 302 Fox Way was quiet. Adam should have felt relieved. Ronan was giving him the wine. Senator Walsh would be impressed. He’d have another person in his network, another glowing recommendation, another step on the road towards greatness. He tried to reach for an image of that greatness. And he realized that he didn’t have one. He had only wanted to get out of the trailer park. He wanted to learn. He loved learning. He wanted to have options, opportunities, a future. But through it all, he hadn’t carved out what ‘greatness’ looked like for him. 

Back at Maura’s, he was surprised to find it quiet. No Orla or Jimi. Maura asked him if he’d like some tea, promising him that it would be only tea. He accepted and asked her if it would be okay to drink it in the garden next door. She seemed surprised that he asked, but she said it would be fine.

Out by Blue’s tree, Adam thought and he thought and he thought some more. And then he thought that maybe thinking was his problem to begin with. He laid down in the grass and closed his eyes. He let himself feel the energy that flowed through all of Henrietta. He opened up his psychic channel, traveled through it. He wasn’t looking for a vision. He was shrugging off the layers that had been piled on top of him for twenty-six years. The poor kid. The abused kid. The scholarship kid. The dirty kid. The mechanic. The Harvard graduate. The valedictorian. The law school student. The Magician. 

He unraveled and found through it all a fresh and raw Adam, waiting to be seen. The Adam who he could be, who he wanted to be.

"You’re finally home."

He didn’t open his eyes. He knew she wasn’t really there, but he could feel her and hear her. Her voice just as ethereal as it had been when she was alive. 

"Hi, Persephone. I’ve missed you."

"I know. I also knew you’d figure out eventually how to do this."

"So, Gansey was actually real Gansey then?"

"I suppose so. As real as Gansey ever is."

"Nothing happened for a long time. I thought it was all gone."

"Just ignored.”

"I’m sorry. I –"

"I liked this cycle. I like growth cycles. You all had to go away, grow into yourselves, in order to come back to yourselves. It was what was supposed to happen."

"What do you mean _‘had to happen?_’ I didn’t have a choice?"

"Of course, you always have a choice. Make good ones now."

He didn’t respond. He knew she was gone. And he was back in the garden completely eaten alive by mosquitoes.

~ ~ ~

The next morning, he took his time in the shower. He felt like he'd left a heavy boulder in the garden last night. He barely even gave studying a second thought. He had thought about it, of course, but he knew he’d find the time and he knew he was already more prepared than he needed to be. He was positive that he could pass the bar exam today, if he had to.

Downstairs, he found all three of the women back at the kitchen table. Calla looked smug. Jimi compassionate. Maura a mix of both. 

On the table was a bottle of wine, a car key, and a folded piece of paper. Adam inspected the wine. There was no name on the rich, dark blue label outlined in gold. No indication of where it came from. The only indicating mark was an embossed symbol of a raven with her wings lifted upward. 

He picked up the note and looked at the women. Maura and Jimi looked at their tea. Calla smirked. 

He recognized Ronan’s awful handwriting.

_‘Thought it would be poetic if you left the same way you did last time.’_

He crinkled his forehead. 

"Oh dear, don’t do that," Jimi said. "It’ll give you wrinkles."

Calla pointed to the window. He looked outside at the Hondayota parked in front of the house.

All the relax good feelings disappeared. Anger flared up in him. He grabbed the bottle of wine and the key and stormed out.

For a brief second, before he turned over the key, he wondered if it would start. It was an old habit, but it started. Of course, it did. Ronan wouldn’t have made it defective.

The ride to the Barns took about twenty minutes. The entire time Adam’s anger grew darker and bolder. He still had control of it, but just enough. Ronan wasn’t the only one with a right to be angry. His heart had been broken too. He pulled into the driveway of the Barns. He drove past the spot where seven years ago he had pulled over, his heart and soul shattered into little pieces, and spilled out the contents of his stomach in the dirt, over and over, until he had nothing left inside of him, except for determination. He drove away, leaving behind some of the best parts of him, the softer parts, and took only the hardened edges and the familiar voice inside of him that told him he only ever needed himself. 

At the end of the driveway, Adam had to stop for a gray tabby cat to run across the road. He started again and had to slam on the brakes as another similar looking cat chased behind the first one with Chainsaw flying right behind it. When the road cleared, he drove right up to the farmhouse, turned off the car, flung the door open, and stepped out. He leaned into the car and laid his hand on the horn. A dog started barking inside and a few cats seemingly came out of nowhere to scatter across the front porch. The horn started to falter. Adam took his hand off for only a second and pressed it down again.

Ronan kicked the screen door open. "What the fuck, Parrish? You’re scaring the fucking animals." He stomped out on the porch, barefoot, wearing only a pair of black running pants. Behind him the dog watched through the door, her whole body wagging violently with excitement. 

"Fuck you, Lynch!" Adam shouted as he hurled the key at Ronan, hitting his target right in the center of his chest. 

Ronan, always an asshole, merely laughed. "Look at the Harvard boy cussing like one of us dumb rednecks." He crossed his arm and leaned against the porch post. "You got what you wanted. I gave you a way out. Why are you still here?"

"Ronan, shut the fuck up!" Ronan started to protest, but Adam kept going. "I mean it. Just shut the fuck up. You told me to leave! You ended it. _You_ – not me. You said, _‘I don’t want this anymore,’_ and I couldn’t fucking breathe, and I would’ve done anything for you not to continue. I would’ve been anything you wanted, but you said it. You said, _‘I can’t do this anymore. I want you to finally just go.’_ And I didn’t want to, but I did! So, you don’t have the goddamn right to act like you’re the only one who should be angry. Take your wine and this piece of shit car and shove it up your ass. I don’t need anything from you."

Adam slammed the car door shut and stalked down the driveway. Ronan called out after him, "Jesus Christ. You can’t walk the fuck back."

"Fuck you!"

"Parrish, you’ll fry in this sun! Take the fucking car!"

Adam ignored him and continued down the driveway. He heard Ronan call him a stubborn asshole and then the bang of the screen door.

Once he left the driveway, without the protection of the trees, the sun beat down on his pale skin ferociously. He couldn’t stop through, his newly awoken feelings were overflowing in him, charging him up and he needed to burn them all down, even if he burned himself down in the process. He had opened up a memory he'd held on tight lock down and he couldn’t stop replaying that night over in his head. Ronan’s words. The look of relieve in Ronan’s eyes when Adam went without a fight. 

A few cars and one eighteen-wheeler whizzed by him. Someone honked their horn and yelled something indistinguishable out their window. He heard the unmistakable sound of a motorcycle coming up behind him. It passed him and then swerved dramatically, kicking up dust all around, to come to a stop in front of him, blocking his path.

Ronan Lynch dramatically arriving on a motorcycle was the least surprising thing about Adam’s entire trip. Ronan grabbed a helmet off the back of the seat and threw it at him. Instinctively, he caught it.

"Get on. You’re not walking all the fucking way back to Henrietta."

Adam threw the helmet back at Ronan, stepped around the bike and kept walking.

Behind him, Ronan let out a string of obscenities before throwing the helmet at Adam as he walked away. It bounced next to him and rolled down the road. When he reached it, though he knew it was childish before he did it, he kicked it further up the road.

Ronan shouted, "Fuck you! You didn’t come back! Fuck you, asshole! You don’t get to be angry either."

Adam spun around. "What?"

Ronan stood there looking furious, but his eyes didn’t match his hard expression. They looked hurt. "Know I told you to leave. Was so fucking tired of worrying about it all the time. I told you to go. I thought you'd come back. You didn’t. The fucking end."

A new look at that night played on fast forward through his mind. It looked different now with Ronan's confession hanging in the air. They were kids. Scared, stupid kids who'd both been through too much awful shit, who acted more than they talked. Both of them filled with grief had been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

They’d been expecting more heartache and pain and they'd brought it down on themselves before anyone else could.

"I'm back now," Adam said.

"You're not back," Ronan continued. "You're here to impress one of your precious politicians. So, don’t give me your self-righteous bullshit about what happened!"

Adam walked forward. Ronan stood his ground, looking like he was ready to throw a punch or take one. Adam wouldn’t be able to live a moment longer if he didn’t kiss Ronan Lynch right this second. He reached out his hand and grabbed Ronan’s t-shirt. Ronan, expecting a fight, grabbed his wrist. Adam yanked Ronan towards him. He paused for one moment, his lips hovering above Ronan’s, waiting for Ronan to say ‘no’ or push him away. When he didn’t, Adam closed the small space between them. Neither of them leaned completely into it. Ronan responded not unsure, but cautious. Adam wanted so so much, but he knew he didn’t have the right to take it. Yet, he lost control for a moment, gripping Ronan’s biceps and pulling him in closer. Ronan pulled away. 

"Adam,.." It sounded like ‘don’t.’

Adam stepped back. "I’m…" He stopped. _‘I’m sorry’_ would be a lie and disrespectful to what just happened. He’d never be sorry for kissing Ronan. Instead, he was just honest. "That was selfish of me."

Adam walked to get the helmet. He brushed off the dirt and put it on as he walked towards the bike. Ronan got back on the bike, released the kickstand, and waited for Adam to get on. He looked back in control of himself. Before he climbed on, Adam admired the bike for a moment. Obviously, a dream thing. It was a low-rider with a vintage look to it. More Bonneville than Harley. Black seats and fenders with a cream and black trim tank. He got on, not as eloquently as he would have liked, put his feet on the rear footpegs, and held on to Ronan’s hips. 

"A motorcycle, Ronan? Really?"

Ronan’s low laugh vibrated against Adam’s chest. It was a start.


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and the women gossip, then he finds religion.

Calla, Maura, and Jimi sat around the kitchen table at 302 Fox Way listening to Adam tell them what had happened.

"So," Jimi leaned in closer, "what did he say when he dropped you off?"

"It was really awkward," Adam answered. "I got off the bike and said I would be here studying tonight and he just said, _'Put something on that fucking sunburn'_ and drove away."

Maura sighed. "Well, with Ronan that wasn’t too bad."

Jimi patted his hand. "He still loves you. I’m sure of it."

"Of course, he does," Adam said. They all looked shocked. "What? He built a dream forest right on top of my nightmare. The one place I was running the hardest away from, he smacked a miracle right down in the middle of it. It’s pretty obvious he still loves me."

Calla snorted. "He’s not as dumb as he looks."

"Thanks," Adam said. "Love’s not the problem. He doesn’t trust me. Everyone he loved left him. Including me."

"It wasn’t your fault," Jimi said. 

Maura pointed out, "And he hurt you too."

"I know," he said. "But it doesn’t change the way Ronan feels."

Calla slapped the table and laughed. "He pulled up on a motorcycle. You have to give to him, he’s something out of a goddamn noir romance novel." 

They all laughed too. Through the years, these women had all come to love and adore Ronan. Even Calla. Maybe even especially Calla. Ronan hadn’t just changed what stood on the old trailer park ground. He had changed the town. He had changed all of their lives. Ronan loved family above all else. He protected and he cared for them, and he'd made all of the residents of both houses of Fox Way his family. 

"What are you going to do now?" Maura asked. 

"I don’t know," he replied.

"Are you going to stay?" Jimi asked.

"I have to think about that before I answer."

Calla rolled her eyes.

"I didn’t say no," Adam said. "It’s just not that easy. I have a job. I have bills and student loans. And the bar exam. I’ll need a job and a place to live. And –"

Calla glared at him. "And nothing. You’re the Magician. Do fucking magic."

"Maura, can I borrow Dean’s car?" Adam asked. "I want to have a look around the town."

"Of course, the keys are in the bowl by the door."

Jimi got up and watched out the window. Calla got up to get something stronger to drink, while she shook her head, smiling. "Motorcycle. That boy."

"He’s gone," Jimi said and sat back down. 

Calla poured them all a glass of bourbon. They pulled out their cards.

"One each, I think," Maura said. Jimi and Calla nodded.

After shuffling, Calla went first. "Death, again," she said.

Jimi selected her card next. "Eight of wands." They all smiled.

“He’s staying,” Calla said as if she’d been sure all along.

The last card that Maura held in her hands was The Lovers. 

"He can stay with us for as long as it takes to smooth things over with Ronan," Maura said. 

Calla shook her head. "It won’t take long. Ronan lynch will be dropping to his knees in front of Adam Parrish by Monday morning."

"Calla!" Both women exclaimed. 

"What?" She exclaimed back. "Did the two of you find religion or something?" She poured them all more bourbon and raised her glass. “Cheers to another seven years!”

~ ~ ~

Adam returned back to Fox Way feeling a way he’d never felt before. The closest he had ever come was that summer at the Barns. He'd teetered just on the edge of the feeling, but he couldn’t quite cross all the way over, he couldn't grasp the concept.

But today, he had. Today he discovered what it felt like to be home. 

Some people say that when they go home again as an adult, everything seems smaller than they'd remembered. Adam felt the opposite. Henrietta had always felt small, incredibly small and suffocating. Now it felt huge and full of so much potential. There were new shops on Main Street, including a bookstore and a coffee shop. 

Adam had found out that a lot more jobs had come to the area by way of manufacturing and there was talk of a pharmaceutical company expanding to the area, as well. One of the baristas at the new coffee shop, told Adam about the money the area had invested into mountain trails, for hikers and road bikers, had paid off. "A few folks even started putting rooms up on Airbnb," she said. "For the weekend adventure trail people."

Henrietta had changed. Adam felt something strong as he walked around the town, and, like he'd felt in the vineyard, it wasn’t the energy from the ley line or the magic that ran through the veins of this area. He felt that he was a part of this place. He felt it needed him and, maybe, he needed it too.

He'd learned a few other things as well and had come up with a plan. He just had to wait until the morning to execute it.

~ ~ ~

At 9:59 on Sunday morning, Adam Parrish slipped into a pew at St. Agnes’s church next to Ronan Lynch. Ronan was wearing a suit, charcoal gray, expensive and perfectly pressed, white shirt, and a silk navy blue tie. Ronan looked handsome and murderous.

He opened his mouth, but the organ started playing. Adam put a finger to his lips and motioned to the priest and the alter boys who had started to walk down the center aisle. 

During mass, Adam matched all of Ronan’s movements. He stood. He kneeled. And he offered Ronan the sign of peace, which Ronan accepted even though he looked like he was about to spit venom. Ronan didn’t go up to receive communion. Adam assumed it was because he would need to go to confession again, since he’d spent most of the mass thinking of ways that he was going to murder Adam and hide the body.

When mass ended, Father McKinley told them all to go in peace and walked down the center aisle to stand in the back of church to greet parishioners. Adam stayed seated. As did Ronan. They sat in silence. Eventually, Father walked back down the aisle. He walked by, nodded and said, "Adam. Ronan."

After he disappeared into the sacristy, Ronan said, "Of all the manipulative shit you’ve done, Parrish. This one takes the cake."

"You think very little of me, don’t you?"

Ronan huffed a laugh. "I wonder why. Look at this stunt you pulled today. This is _my_ church. If you wanted your wine back –"

"One, I don’t want the wine back. I’m not here to manipulate wine or anything else from you. Two, this is my church too. Well, sort of."

"Just because you lived here once, for a few months, doesn’t make it your church. You’re not Catholic."

"Apparently, I am."

Ronan couldn’t help himself. He turned and looked at Adam. "What?"

Adam leaned back in the pew. "I came by yesterday to say hello to Mrs. Ramirez and Father McKinley and he told me something interesting. A few years ago, they converted their old records from paper to electronic. And Mrs. Ramirez came across my baptismal certificate. Seems my father’s mother and his sister brought me here to be baptized. Father said it was a Father Garrison that had baptized me. Baptized you too. Father McKinley thought I’d be interested to know that." Ronan had just stared at him while he talked. "I didn’t make any other sacraments or anything, but Father said if I wanted to, that would be an option."

"You still don’t need to be here," Ronan said, turning back to look at the altar.

"No. Maybe I don’t." Adam leaned forward, resting his forearms on the pew in front of him and looked at the altar as well. "But I really wanted to be. I’m staying. Here. In Henrietta. Maura and Dean said I can stay with them until I find a place. I’m not sure about work. I have a little saved up to get me by for a month or two, but no more than that. My student loans are astronomical. I’ll take the bar and then figure out how I can use my education and my law degree here. To help people here. Help kids like me. Help families who want their kids to go to better schools. Help bring more jobs. I'm back. Not because of the senator or anyone else. Because I want to be."

Adam spared a side glance at Ronan, who was still, eyes closed, maybe listening. Maybe not. He took a deep breath and continued, "We don’t owe each other anything. How it ended seven years ago was dumb. Neither of us were thinking and we certainly weren’t talking. But… but I’m not sorry that it happened. Maybe it did have to happen for us to find ourselves. We both have done some amazing things. I thought you’d changed somehow, but you haven’t, not really. And I don’t think I have either. Anyway, my point is that I don’t expect anything from you. You have a really great life here, and I’m not here to mess that up for you. If you want me to stay away from you, I will. But... I really hope we can be friends."

Adam reached the end of his rehearsed speech. He turned to look at Ronan, who'd turned to look at him. Ronan’s eyes were blazing, his jaw clenched. "Get out." 

_‘Shit,’_ Adam thought.

"Come on, Parrish. Get out of the pew. Now."

_‘Oh…’_ That wasn’t anger in Ronan’s eyes. That was something else entirely. Something not fit for a church.

Adam got out of the pew and stood to the side. Ronan exited quickly, and Adam followed him down the aisle and into the parking lot. Adam’s car was on the right side and Ronan’s truck on the left. Ronan grabbed Adam’s wrist, pulling his towards his truck. "Mine," he said. The way Ronan had said it Adam wasn’t sure if it was an instruction or a claim. Either way, it set Adam’s insides on fire.

They rode in silence. Ronan pushing passed the speed limit in a very familiar way so that they reached the Barns in half the time it should have taken. Adam hopped out of the truck, and before he could even close the door, Ronan was right there, slamming the door closed and pushing Adam against it. Ronan’s kiss was all taking and no giving. Adam was okay with that. He’d held back a lot in seven years, he had a lot to give, and Ronan could take it all. 

"Inside," Ronan huffed against Adam’s good ear. He pulled him inside and they were greeted by a very happy pit bull. 

Ronan held the door open. "Outside now!" She continued to shake her whole body at him. "Daisy, go. Now." 

She ran outside and a cat slipped in the door. "Dammit, you’re not allowed in here!"

Adam started laughing. Ronan grabbed him and kissed him again. They fumbled their way into the living room, Adam letting Ronan lead. He wasn’t sure if the living room floor had been Ronan’s intended final destination, but it’s where they ended up with Adam flat on his back, Ronan on top, his jacket and tie off, shirt only partially unbuttoned, Adam’s polo shirt pushed up under his armpits, both of their pants unzipped, and their cocks sliding together in Ronan’s spit-slicked hand. The other hand holding Adam’s wrists above his head. Ronan was silent, his mouth attached to Adam’s neck or his ear, but Adam couldn’t shut up. 

"Jesus Christ, Ronan. Fuck. Oh my god." Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to touch. He struggled against Ronan’s hold. "Please… please Ronan. I need…"

Ronan let go and put his palm flat next to Adam’s head. It gave him more leverage to thrust harder. Adam had been dying to do this for days. He took both hands and threaded his fingers through Ronan’s hair. Later, he would take more time getting to know it, but now, he wrapped his fingers in it and pulled, a gentle tug at first, but then rougher after Ronan moaned. He pulled so hard Ronan's neck bent back, exposing his throat, and Adam leaned up to suck on it. Ronan shook and came, cursing through it. The thought of pushing Ronan over the edge by pulling his hair sent Adam crashing right over the edge behind him. 

Ronan collapsed on top of him. They were both wrecked, skin flushed, panting and sweating. And that’s when Adam panicked. Ronan was always all or nothing. Ronan didn't do slow. But maybe this had been too fast. Maybe they should’ve have waited, spent more time together. Got to know each other again after seven years. What if -

"Shut the fuck up, Parrish," Ronan panted in his ear. 

"What? I didn’t say a word."

"You were thinking too goddamn loud."

Adam laughed and held Ronan tighter and decided that he was going to forgo all common sense and practicality and dive right back into Ronan Lynch. 

They eventually made it upstairs to Ronan’s room, to his bed. They didn’t talk much. They only explored. Adam’s fingers mapped the changes in Ronan’s body, his broader shoulders, his stronger thighs, the thick, new dark hair on his head and his chest. 

"You have more freckles on your back," Ronan said and then kissed each one of them, old and new.

Later, Ronan sat up in bed with Adam nestled between his legs and they talked.

"Did you know you had an aunt?" Ronan asked.

"Yeah. A few years ago, I got a Facebook message from some young kid, saying that he was my cousin. Said his mom was my dad’s sister. He wanted to talk. I didn’t. I figured if they were his kin, they might be like him. But, I guess, if they did what they did - caring enough to bring me to church - maybe they aren’t. Maybe they’re not too bad."

Ronan made a noise of agreement.

"Alex at the youth center," Adam said. Ronan tensed up. "His father. I know his kind." Ronan held him just a little bit tighter. "No. He’s more dangerous than my father. My father was resentful. Alex's father is possessive. When my father got angry, he didn’t care if I died. When Alex’s father gets angry, he _wants_ him or his mother or both dead. He’ll kill them eventually."

"Not if I kill him first."

"I have a better idea." Adam kissed the inside of Ronan’s wrist. "That won’t land you in jail."

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking that maybe we could give them a fresh start. Help him and his mom go somewhere safe. You could dream them up new identities – driver’s license, birth certificates, all the documents they would need. I could help her find a job. And, I thought we could give them some money to help get started." Adam paused. "Courtesy of Senator Walsh."

"How would you…?"

"Double charge him on a bottle of the wine. I’ll tell him it’s a hundred thousand. Give them the money. It’ll be enough for them to buy a decent car and to find a nice place to live."

"I could do that. Dream those things." Ronan made a 'huh' sound in his ear. "I wasn’t wrong, you know. You really are a manipulative genius."

"Takes one to know one," Adam said. "The wine deal you have going on is genius."

"What I’m about to say can never – I mean it – never leave this room."

"Okay."

"Selling the rare wine was Declan’s idea. And, yes, it was a halfway decent one."

It actually made sense. Declan ran in the upper Washington circles. He understood the way rich people thought. He knew their weak spots. And Niall Lynch had trained him how to manipulate money from rich people. This way was better than Niall Lynch’s way though. Safer. 

"I promise. Not a word ever. The winemaker - where does he think the dream wine comes from?"

“Declan told him some load of bullshit that we make it at the Barns and it’s some secret family recipe. Makes no friggin’ sense, if you ask me. But Declan’s the liar, and who’s ever going to think it comes from my dreams, ya know? Did you ever see him - Declan?"

"Yeah," Adam admitted. "He saw me too. We were really good at avoiding each other.”

Ronan became tense against Adam’s back. 

"You said you’re staying,” he said. “Won’t you have to go back – for your things?"

"I do. I’ll have to talk to Kelly too, tell her I’m not coming back. Will you take me?"

Adam felt Ronan take a deep breath. "On one condition."

"What’s that?"

"You move in here." Ronan kissed Adam’s shoulder and mumbled against the skin, "Waited seven years. Don’t want to wait anymore."

“Did you... _wait_?”

“I...”

Adam rescued him. It was an unfair question. He dove right in, head-first, eyes wide open, because he felt loved, wanted, and he didn’t care if it was crazy. He didn’t want to wait either. He wanted to start living again. "Yeah. I will.”

They sat there in silence for awhile. Adam leaning back, his eyes closed, feeling Ronan’s hands, soft and inquisitive, run up and down his forearms.

Suddenly, from downstairs, a female voice shouted, "I’ve got pizza from Nino’s!"

Ronan cursed and pushed Adam aside. He jumped out of bed and scrambled around looking for clothes. "Fuck!"

"Who is that?"

"Fuck fuck."

"Ronan! Where are you?"

Ronan pulled on jeans and a t-shirt.

Adam asked again, "Who is that?"

Ronan flung open the door and yelled downstairs. "Keep your shirt on! I’ll be down in one minute." He looked back at Adam. "I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I can bring things back into my dreams and reshape them. And by things, I mean dream things. And by dream things, I mean Opal." 

He walked out and came back in. "Jesus Christ, don’t just lie there, Parrish. Put some fucking clothes on – mine, not yours, there’s come all over yours - and get your ass downstairs." He left again. Adam heard his heavy footsteps running down the stairs. "Where were you this morning? You missed church two weeks in a row. Don't give me any of your shit, either. We had a deal, Opal!"

Adam sat there dumbfounded for a minute. He’d assumed Opal was where he had last seen her, back in a dream world. His curiosity got the best of him and he found a pair of running pants that weren’t too big and a t-shirt. 

After he had gotten dressed, he went downstairs. He saw her before she saw him. He'd only a moment to really take her in. She was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a slice of pizza. The tiny, petite face of the scared and unusual little girl he had known was still there, it had just grown into a beautiful teenager. Her blonde hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she wore jean shorts, a t-shirt with Aglionby’s crest, and white tennis shoes. Back then, he hadn't realized how much she looked like Matthew.

When she heard him, she looked up, her unearthly big eyes looking surprised. Ronan hadn’t told her he was there. 

"Well, hey," she said. Grinning, she looked back and forth between the two men. "Who are you?"

It stunned Adam that she didn't remember him. He hadn’t thought she would, but he hadn’t thought that she wouldn’t. It had all happened so fast.

He stepped forward, offering his hand. "Hey, I’m Adam."

"Holy shit." She dropped the leg that had been curled up underneath her to the floor and sat up straight. "Adam Parrish. _Thee_ Adam Parrish."

"Don’t be a ball-breaker, Opal" Ronan snapped.

She glared at him while she shook Adam’s hand. "You don’t get a say in this. You kept this from me." She pushed the chair next to her out. "Hi, I’m Opal. Sit next to me. Have some pizza."

Adam grabbed a paper plate and a slice of pizza. Ronan got up and got Adam a glass of water. 

"I can’t believe it. Adam Parrish sitting right next to me." She studied him, looking pleased. "How long are you back in town for?"

Ronan and him locked eyes for a brief moment. "Permanently," Adam said. 

"Really? Good. When school starts back up, you can help me with my calculus. I've been told – once or twice or a million times – that you're a genius. And Ronan is rubbish at it. Only thing he is good for is Latin."

"It was the only class Adam wasn’t top at," Ronan said. 

"Are you one of the girls who are going to Aglionby now?" Adam asked.

"Yes, I am," she said, slightly defensive, understandably. He could imagine the grief, maybe even threats, that her and the other girls got.

"Cool. A Raven Girl," he said. “About time.” She relaxed.

"Opal and the other girls have a place in town together for the summer," Ronan said. "Unless she keeps skipping church."

She rolled her eyes. "I was at the youth center. Ask Maura. It was a last-minute thing." She opened her eyes wide, cocked her head, and looked at Ronan. "What did you two do today after _church_? By the way, Ronan, your shirt is on backwards." 

Ronan narrowed his eyes. "None of your business. And I like it that way."

She laughed and finished off her slice. Adam ate another too and asked her question about school and the other girls. She was smart, friendly, confident, and, most importantly, she looked happy. Ronan sipped his beer and watched them talk. 

When she was done eating, she fed Daisy, who was lying at her feet under the table, pieces of crust until Ronan yelled at her to stop. “She’ll throw up all over the goddamn house and one of the cats got in. Get it out of here.”

"You let Oscar stay inside," she pointed out.

"He’s old and blind," Ronan said. Adam took note that her annoyed face looked exactly like Ronan’s. “I built them a barn! An entire barn!”

"There’s more to explore in here,” she said. “And I don’t know why, but they like being around you, you dickhead.” She got up. “Which one is it?”

"How the fuck should I know? One of the gray tabbies."

She left to find the cat, and Ronan become very interested in his wrist bands. Adam took the hint and took the opportunity to send an email off to Kelly on his phone. 

Opal re-emerged holding the cat, who did not look happy that it’d been found. "It’s Tabitha," she said. "She comes in here because Chainsaw teases her. Tell that bird to stop."

Ronan looked at her. "Oh, she’s the one that they found tied up in a plastic bag and thrown on the side of the road."

"I’ll put her out and get going. Adam it was nice to finally meet you. I’ll be by for dinner on Wednesday. I hope you’ll be here."

Ronan followed her out. Adam watched them through the window. They stood by a black Toyota Prius talking. Finally, she hugged him and left. Ronan came back in and, without a word, went to the dishwasher and started taking out dishes and putting them away. Adam sat at the table and waited for him to talk.

"It’s all Sargent’s fault," Ronan said, eventually. 

"What was?"

"Well, first of all these fucking cats."

"Okay," Adam said, amused already. "Why is it Blue’s fault that you have cats running all over the place?"

"She said, _‘Ronan Lynch, you create these dream animals and it’s just selfish is what it is. There are so many animals that don’t have homes and are abused. You have all this room. If you have room for dream animals, you have room for them too.’_"

"That was a really bad impression of Blue."

"It was a perfect impression. So, it’s cats because there are a lot of fucking cats in rescues because people are assholes. And now I’m a one-man damn cat charity."

Adam looked at Daisy, who wagged her tail at him. He called her over to pet her. "And what about this good girl?"

"Some asshole beat her, tied her to a fence in an abandon farm, and left her to die."

Adam scratched behind her ears and she licked his hand. "Ok, so it’s Blue’s fault about the cats. What does that have to do with Opal?"

Ronan opened up another beer. "That’s a longer story." He leaned his ass against the counter and causally put his long legs out in front of him. He sighed. "I found out about the reshaping dream things by accident. Fell asleep holding my parents wedding rings, then dreamed making them into three rings for me, Declan, and Matthew. When I woke up, there they were." He twirled the ring on his right index finger. "Three rings, all the same. Thought at first that they were new, and I’d dropped my parents’ rings. But I could feel they were the same."

Adam couldn’t be surprised by any of this. It was Ronan. Anything was possible.

Ronan continued, "I tested it out a lot. Can’t do it to non-dream things and can’t do it to sentient things that my father created, but I dreamed a mouse one night and then the next night, pulled it back into my dreams and changed its color."

"But Opal?"

"Sargent said that it wasn’t fair, and it was selfish what I had done to her. That Opal wasn’t human and she wasn’t animal. She wasn’t happy here in the real world. She wasn’t happy in the dream place. She missed me all the fucking time. She would cry and scream when I left her. And she wasn’t like Matthew - she would never grow up. She would only ever live for me." He looked down at his fingers, still twirling the ring. "I tested it a lot before I did it. Gansey and Sargent helped come up with a history for her. Didn’t want her to remember where she came from. She thinks she’s my cousin who came to live with us when her parents died. It was a lie, but...” He continued in his bad impersonation of Blue, “This is what happens when you play god, Lynch. You can make a few sacrifices."

"And Declan and Matthew go along with it?"

"Yeah. Matthew – you know. It was easy with him. He believes the story about her parents. Treats her like family. Even Declan does too."

"Does she know about your dreaming?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "I’m sure someday she'll figure out where she came from. She's too smart for her own good sometimes. She questions fucking everything. Like you."

Adam wondered if that was done on purpose. 

"Did she live with you?"

"Nah. What the fuck was I going to do with a ten-year-old? She lived with the woman at Fox Way and spent some weekends here, but I’m her legal guardian."

Adam imagined how hard that had been for Ronan. He could see in Ronan’s eyes how hard it had been. Opal had been his security blanket against his nightmares. He’d seen the two of them together, clinging to each other. Ronan had given up someone else that he loved because he knew it was best for them.

"Don't fucking look at me like that, Parrish," Ronan snarled.

Adam stood up, nudged Ronan's legs apart with his foot and stepped between them. "Like what? How am I looking at you?"

"All soft and shit. Like you think that I'm sensitive or sweet or something."

"Oh, trust me, Lynch." Adam hooked his index fingers in the belt loops of Ronan's jeans. "What I'm thinking about right now is not sweet, but it is very much something."

Calla's prediction had been almost right. Someone did drop to his knees. She had just gotten the who part wrong.

~ ~ ~

The ride to DC was mostly quiet. They were in the old gray BMW. Adam had pointed out that it would be easier to drive around DC in a smaller car. Ronan drove, while Adam sen out emails to wrap things up in DC. He informed his roommates that he'd be moving out and would Venmo next month's rent for the inconvenience. Within minutes, Kelsey responded not to bother that she had a friend who could move in right away.

He shifted in his seat for the third time in several minutes, and he caught the look on Ronan’s face from out of the corner of his eye.

"No need to look so smug," Adam said.

Ronan managed to look even more smug.

The soreness Adam felt wasn’t unwelcome. It reminded him of how much Ronan wanted and desired him.

The conversation before sex had been awkward and a little emotionally painful, even thinking about it now, stirred up jealousy inside Adam. Seven years ago, they hadn’t talked about safe sex. They were both new, no history, there hadn’t been a need. Last night, they had to talk about it. They couldn’t pretend that seven years hadn’t grown between them.

_‘It’s been awhile,’ Ronan said. ‘Months.’_

_‘Oh, okay, it’s been – well, a few days,’ Adam said. _

_‘It’s fine,’ Ronan said. ‘I get it. It happens. We’re not monks. I’ve got condoms.’_

He knew it shouldn’t have been a big deal. Ronan had been right. They were adults. But Adam still thought it mattered enough to look Ronan in the eye as Ronan slid into him, "You’re still the only person I’ve ever done this with." And Ronan had blown it off, responding, "You’re such a girl, Parrish." But Adam saw the way Ronan’s eyes looked when he’d said it and knew that it did matter.

Ronan waved his hand in front of Adam’s face. Adam turned to hear.

"You sure you don’t mind meeting Matthew for lunch?" Ronan asked.

"No, of course not."

"He’ll be hurt if he finds out I was there and didn’t see him."

"You sure you don’t want to include Declan?"

"Nah. He’ll be a dick about this." He waved his hands between them. "I’ll hear speech after speech about my impulse control issues and he’ll want you to sign a pre-nup or some shit. I’m sure he’ll find someway to bring the motorcycle into to it too. Nah. Let Matthew tell him, then I’ll avoid him for a few weeks, and eventually get the watered-down version of his phony big brother lecture."

"You know we didn’t really talk about how I’ll contribute – financially – to the Barns, if I’m going to be living there."

"No. We didn’t."

"We should."

For a moment, Adam wasn’t sure what response he would get. Ronan looked too calm. He looked too mature. But, in the end, Adam got a classic Ronan response. 

"You’re a fucking idiot if you think I’m going to make you pay rent! Like we’re just goddamn roommates!" 

"And you’re a fucking idiot if you think I’m going to stay there for free!"

"I basically live there for free. Not my fucking money paying for it. So, you’ll do what I do. You’ll help upkeep it – feed the animals, clean, paint, fix things and shit. You’ll act like you actually live there. Because you do actually live there."

"And I’ll buy things we need for the house, food, toiletries, etc."

"Yeah, sure, whatever, you’ll buy things we need."

Ronan’s shoulders were tight, ready for a fight, but Adam didn’t have one. He put his hand on top of Ronan’s on the gear shift and said, "That’s fair."

Ronan fanned out his fingers, so Adam could weave his into them. Adam thought that this should feel weird, fast and new, different, but it didn't somehow. It felt comfortable and known. 

Once in the city, the first stop was a Starbuck’s where Adam had scheduled to meet Kelly. Ronan pulled over illegally to let him out. "Let me know when you’re done. I’ll drive around until then."

Adam grabbed a heavy bag from the back seat. "Are you sure you’re okay with this?"

"Yeah. It’s not a big deal. You say she’s okay; she’s okay."

"Thanks."

Inside the Starbucks, Adam found Kelly already at a table sipping an iced coffee. He shook her hand, sat down, and got right to it.

"I’m hoping me leaving this suddenly isn’t a problem," he said.

"It’s not ideal, but not unheard of either. Aides move around all the time. This will go unnoticed. Can you tell me why the sudden change of heart? You seemed pretty ambitious."

“Still am. I just have different goals now. You were right. Things aren’t getting done around here." He could say more, tell her how it felt to be home, tell her how he saw what real change does to people, but he didn’t, he only pulled out a wood box from the bag and opened it to show her the wine.

She looked at it, shaking her head. "A hundred grand. I’ll never understand rich, white people." 

"Me neither," he said. He pointed to the raven on the bottle. "There’s a unique watermark there. You can see it under a black light. Walsh will know that it’s real."

She grabbed her phone. "Do you know why the increase in the price?"

"The winemaker said it was as small batch this year. More rare than usual." It used to shake Adam how easily he could lie. Not anymore. Not when it counted.

She nodded and fiddled with her phone. He felt his own phone vibrate. He looked at the text from her that had a screenshot of the receipt that show the money had been wired to the agreed upon account. 

"Walsh will want to thank you," she said.

"No need. He’ll just owe me a favor." He pulled out another box that looked identical to the other one and placed it on the table between them.

"What’s this?"

"This one is for you."

"What… for me? I don’t want – I can’t afford this."

"It’s a gift – no strings – no favors. The winemaker’s a friend. He said this will fetch a good dollar on the black market, enough to say pay off student loans and take a job with a progressive candidate."

"Adam, Jesus, I can’t take this."

"It’s an investment." He looked at her seriously. "Listen, people like us, people who want to help other people rise up, we don’t usually get ahead in this world. Student loans and money and just trying to survive weighs us down, while the rich keep getting their interests on the table, their needs met. This is me investing in a world where people like us can start to change things for other people like us." He knocked twice on the box. "The winemaker – he doesn’t make a cent off the sale of these. Not one penny. One hundred percent of the profit goes into the local community. This is the same thing – an investment in another community. That’s how we change things."

She looked at the box and then up at Adam. "Have you tried it?" she whispered. "Is it really worth all that money?"

He had tried it. The night before. Ronan had given him a glass. It tasted like wine, but also like his favorite ice cream on a hot day and a great steaming cup of coffee on a cold day and a cup of soup when he's sick and it felt like every fantastic feeling he had ever had. It felt like he’d just got his acceptance letter from Harvard, like he’d kissed Ronan Lynch for the first time, like he had the moment Gansey had come back to life, like, the more recent moment, when he knew he wanted to move back to Henrietta.

He looked at her and answered honestly, "No, nothing like this is worth that sort of money. But it's worth where the money is going."

"Why me?"

Adam told her the same thing that he'd told Ronan when he’d asked for the wine. "I don't know. Just a feeling. I get those about people, and they are always right."

"I…" She smiled, but her hand flew to her mouth to cover up. "Oh my god. I could – I could really take the job. Really are you sure about this?"

"I’m sure."

She lowered her hand and beamed at him. "I can’t believe this."

"I’m going to text you an email of someone who can help you sell to a reputable buyer for the best possible price."

"What about you?" she asked. "Are you doing the same to pay off your loans?"

_‘That’ll be a fight with Ronan for another day,’_ was what he thought. "I have options," was what he said.

Adam stood up. "I need to get going. Keep the bag to carry them in."

Kelly jumped up and hugged him tight. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank the winemaker too. He must be a saint or something."

Adam laughed as he pulled away. "Not really. But he is _something_.”

"I’ll keep in touch," she said. "If you’re up for it, we can talk about you consulting for the campaign."

He shook his head. "No - no. I didn’t do this for favors."

"I know! It's not a favor. You’re brilliant, young, and talented. Who wouldn’t want that?"

"Thanks. If there’s something I can help with, yeah, then I’ll look forward to hearing from you."

He hugged her again and left. Outside, he waited for Ronan, who showed up within a few minutes and pulled over across the street. Adam crossed and before he could get in, Kelly emerged, talking excitedly on her phone. She saw him across the street. She looked inside the car. Her mouth opened slightly. Then understanding spread across her face as she put the pieces together. 

She waved over. "Good luck with the bar too!"

The next stop they made was Adam’s group house. There wasn’t a place for Ronan to pull over, so he stopped in the street. 

"Are you sure you don’t need me to help?" Ronan asked.

"I’m sure," replied Adam. "I don’t have much. Just –" Someone honked their horn behind them. Ronan responded with the middle finger. "Just drive around. I’ll be quick. Don't get arrested."

Adam wasn’t lying. He didn’t have much. What he did have fit into one suitcase, two duffle bags, and one medium sized cardboard box. He’d bought a coffee maker and a toaster for the house but decided to leave them. He was carrying the last of the things downstairs when the door opened and Ryan walked in. 

"Oh, hey," Ryan said. "I, um, forgot my laptop this morning."

Adam knew that wasn’t true. He’d half-expected to see Ryan, since giving them all a heads-up he would be getting his things and leaving today. Ryan wasn’t the sort to let things go without some closure. 

"Hey, sure," Adam said, putting down the bags. "I’m glad I got to see you before I left."

"Yeah, wow, that’s weird – I mean sudden. You didn’t mention –"

"I didn’t know. It’s sort of a last-minute decision."

"You’re moving home? It’s just shocking. You never really talked about it or anything. I assumed you didn’t like home very much."

"I didn’t." He was going to end it there, but he thought he owed Ryan at least something. "I didn’t. It’s changed. I’ve changed. And well, there’s… um, your picker isn’t broken."

"Huh?"

"Your picker – I heard Kelsey say - never mind. I’m not a bad guy, well, normally I’m not. And, this will sound really cliché, but it’s not you. You’re pretty great. There’s – it’s just another - My ex from back home. He didn’t want to leave and all I wanted to do was leave. And it ended when it shouldn’t have."

"Oh."

"And I went home and realized that I did want to leave, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to go back. And he was there, and…"

"So, you got back with your ex?"

Adam nodded, though it wasn’t the whole truth. Because he had always left a part of him with Ronan. It was more like he had gotten ‘back’ with himself. 

"Wait…" Ryan said. He went over to the window and pulled the curtain aside and pointed. "That’s not your ex outside, leaning against that illegally parked gray BMW, is it?"

Adam didn’t need to, but he looked anyway. Ronan was indeed parked in a tow-away zone. He was leaning against the hood of the car, looking like he'd murder anyone that told him to move. 

"Yeah. That’s him."

"Fucking Christ, Adam. He’s a goddamn _god_. A bit terrifying, but gorgeous. There’s absolutely no need to apologize. Jesus, I would never get over him. Fuck."

Adam smirked and shook his head. Ronan’s been called a ‘saint’ and a ‘god’ already today and it’s not even lunch yet. 

"I still need to apologize," Adam said, meeting Ryan’s eyes. "You deserved better."

Ryan blushed a little and walked away from the window, looking embarrassed. "Thanks." He looked at Adam’s things. "Hey, I can help you take these out."

"Um, yeah, sure." 

Ryan grabbed the two suitcases and walked out first. Adam grabbed the box. When Ronan saw them, his forehead crinkled. Adam hadn't explained about having roommates. Adam tried to convey with eyes, ‘Be nice. He’s not a threat and you know it.’ 

Ryan put the suitcases on the curb by the trunk and, when he turned around, Ronan was right there. 

"Hey," Ryan said.

Ronan extended his hand. "Hey." 

They shook hands, and Adam sighed with relief. "Ronan – Ryan. Ryan – Ronan," Adam said.

"I’ll grab the rest for you," Ryan said and jogged across the street. 

Ronan popped the trunk. Adam explained, while he put the box and the suitcases in the trunk, "DC is expensive. I didn't just live with Ryan. There were six of us in there."

"Is this the guy that you –?"

"Ronan, don't make a big deal out of it. It was casual and -" Adam made an umpfh noise when Ronan pulled him close and kissed him with not quite a full on kiss and not a quick peck either.

Adam pulled his face back; over Ronan’s shoulder he could see Ryan across the street waiting for cars to stop and looking at them. "You’re not very subtle, Lynch."

Ronan gave him a quick peck on the cheek and released him. "Whoever said I was?"

Adam said, “Well, it’s unnecessary.”

“I know it is. Doesn’t make it less fun.”

Ryan made it across the street and handed the suitcase to Ronan, who put it in the trunk. 

"See ya, man," Ronan said and held up a fist. Blushing, Ryan bumped knuckles. Ronan got into the car.

"Thanks," Adam said. "I appreciate the help. And for being understanding."

"Yeah, no problem." Ryan leaned in and they gave each other a one arm hug. "Keep in touch, yeah?"

"Yeah. Good luck with the bar."

"You too."

Inside the car, Adam put on his seatbelt and gave a Ronan an amused look. 

"I was on my best behavior," Ronan pointed out. "Given that I had no warning."

"I should have. I just didn't think about him." Adam knew he had no right. He knew this was jealousy driving it, but he couldn’t help himself. “Since you've met Ryan… um, are you going to tell me who you’ve had sex with that I know or might meet someday?"

"No fucking way."

"That’s not really fair."

"Who told you life was fair, Parrish?" 

Adam glared at him.

When they stopped for a red light, Ronan turned and looked at him. "Seriously, do you want to know? Because I didn't really want to know about that guy."

"No. I guess I don’t."

"It’s settled then."

In Ronan and Adam speak that was an agreement to forget about the past and other people and only focus on them and their present.

~ ~ ~

On the way home, Ronan let Adam drive. Adam figured it was because Ronan felt like talking and he knew that it would be easier for Adam to listen with his good ear towards him.

"They’re too young," Ronan said.

"They are young," Adam agreed.

They were talking about Matthew and his girlfriend, Emily Rose, who Matthew had brought to lunch with them. Before they left, Matthew pulled Ronan aside and asked him if he could bring her to church one Sunday and then if they could all have dinner together, including Declan. Ronan assumed this meant he was going to ask Emily Rose to marry him.

"If he asks permission, I’m going to tell him no," Ronan said. 

"You don’t think he’ll ask Declan?"

"Declan will say no, for sure."

"You could be wrong, you know. He might just want her to get to know the family."

"I’m not. I know Matthew."

"He’s not that young."

"What’s the average age men get married?"

"I don’t know."

"Liar. Yes, you do."

"Nationally, twenty-nine and half years."

Ronan huffed. "See. Too young."

"She’s a nice girl. Really sweet. And she adores Matthew."

"That’s not the point!"

Adam knew the point was that Matthew was a product of his dreams. A dream creature who would become inanimate upon Ronan’s death. Matthew, who was naïve and too carefree, had only ever been cared for by a Lynch. Emily Rose was an outsider. 

"She’s from South Dakota," Ronan said.

It took Adam a moment to realize that where she came from wasn’t the issue. The issue is where she might want to go back to.

"Oh, well. Okay, yeah. She is. But maybe since Matthew wants to bring her to church that means that he wants to settle in Singer’s Falls."

Ronan grunted, which could mean he agreed, or he thought Adam’s a fucking idiot. Either way, the subject seemed to be dropped. 

"Fuck. You drive like an old lady, Parrish. I’d like to get home before Christmas."


	5. chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam settles into his new life and learns a few new skills.

Over the next few weeks, Adam tried to settle into this new life that he'd dived in head-first into. There were no regrets, but he didn't know how to navigate the choppy waters yet. It wasn't Ronan specifically; it was living with anyone this intimately. Adam had spent the majority of his life living and hiding in small spaces and, even though there was always someone else living in the same space, he'd never shared an emotional closeness with them. The Barns was huge, and Adam didn't quite know what to do with it at times. And Ronan was close, very _close_, and, though Adam knew perfectly well the things he could do with him, and still did it often, he also needed to study and find a job.

But a routine did start to emerge. Ronan showed him things to do around the Barns, some he remembered from when he'd lived there that year before he went off to college, and some were new: feeding the cats, taking care of the horses, and watering the vegetables. Adam would start breakfast and wait for Ronan to come in from doing whatever he was doing outside. They'd eat together before Ronan left for the youth center, while Adam stayed back at the Barns and studied. After lunch, Ronan would return and they'd both head back to the youth center together. Adam helped out where he was needed, sometimes just babysitting some of the younger kids or talking with the older kids. He'd suggested to Maura that a program about taking out student loans might be helpful for the high school kids and it then became his job to put one together. 

It never felt weird, but, for Adam, it _thought_ weird. Sometimes he would be walking through the farmhouse, moving bails of hay, talking over a new item on the menu at the winery with Ronan and just _think_ about how he had just been in DC, running around for a politician, living with people he hardly knew, and now he was back at the Barns, living with and loving Ronan again. Adam would laugh at it all and then go back to whatever it had been he was doing. 

On the morning of the third Monday he'd been living at the Barns, Ronan took his hand after breakfast and led him out to one of the new barns, a smaller one that Adam wasn't really even sure was there when he first moved in. Ronan opened a door on the side of the barn and led Adam into a large room that had been converted into an office, complete with a desk, bookshelves, and furniture. Adam could sense there were a lot of dream things in the room. 

"I thought you needed your own space for work, studying, whatever it is you're doing when you make that serious face. And this way I'll know when you're working and shouldn't be distracted." Ronan pulled him backwards towards him, so they were front to back, his arms around Adam's waist. He gently kissed the back of Adam's neck. "Because if you're anywhere else around here, you're fair game for seducing."

They hadn't had any fights about, but, a few times, Ronan had come looking for attention and Adam had told him he was busy, leaving Ronan walking away looking hurt and left Adam feeling guilty. 

"So…" Adam said. "When I'm in here, you won't try to seduce me?"

"I promise," Ronan said, crossing his heart.

"It's a deal then."

"Yep, a deal."

"Let's fuck on it."

"What?"

Adam spun around, so that they were nose to nose. "I said Let's. Fuck. On. It."

One not to be upstaged, Ronan smirked devilishly. "On what? The desk."

Adam was feeling in a particularly artistic mood; so, he took great care in undressing them both slowly and positioning Ronan just perfectly, arms and legs spread, leaning over the desk. He took his time preparing him with his tongue and his fingers and the lube that, of course, Ronan had waiting in the top drawer of the desk. He took time to enjoy Ronan's body, running his hands over the muscles in Ronan's thighs, his ass, and his back, up to his shoulders. And when they were both more than ready, Ronan panting and begging, and him hard and throbbing with want, he sunk one hand into Ronan's hair and with the other pushed his cock into Ronan, slow and gentle, unlike the rough pull on his hair. 

'Fuck, jesus fucking christ…" Ronan chanted, pushing back, trying to get more. 

Adam fucked him slow and deep for what felt like forever, until they were both dripping sweat and come and Ronan lost the ability to form actual words. 

Ronan would forever keep his deal and never try to seduce Adam in his office. And, every once in a while, when Adam would be bored on a conference call or his brain got stuck on a problem, he would move the desk pad to the side and run his fingers lovingly over the come stains in the wood.

~ ~ ~

Ronan had finished up a boxing class and went looking for Adam. He suspected he might be with Maura, but, as he walked through the yard towards the main building, one of the teenaged girls walking past him, said, "Adam's in the forest."

He frowned after her. He didn't tell her that he was looking for Adam. Were they – _fuck_ – that obvious? He didn't care if the kids knew, but he thought someone would actually have to tell them. Later, he'd bring it up to Adam and Adam would tell him that Liam had already called him out about it and said that they were making, quote, "heart eyes at each other," which Ronan protested he most certainly does not "heart eyes" anything.

He found Adam sitting ramrod straight on a bench, starting straight ahead looking like he did when he used to scry. Ronan didn't think that was what he was doing now. Adam was just looking back at memories that no one else could see. 

It was such a startling difference to the Adam of the last few weeks, a happy and relaxed Adam. An Adam that had gotten so passionate and intent over the new student loan education program at the center that he skipped hours of scheduled studying to work on it. An Adam who hummed when he made breakfast. An Adam who rolled around on the floor with Daisy and let her lick his face and laughed so hard at her that his nose wrinkled. An Adam who fell asleep every night curling Ronan's hair in his fingers.

Ronan sat next to him. Adam didn't move. He didn't blink. Ronan waited and thought about one of his own self-inflicted nightmares: a beaten and broken body buried at the Barns, in the graveyard filled with Ronan's nightmares that had manifested into the real world. It was the lowest point of Ronan's life, rock bottom, the worst side of him unleashed, so drunk off whiskey and so lost in pain that he'd brought an exact replica of Robert Parrish from his dreams, looking exactly like he did the night he'd stopped him from doing any more damage to Adam. He then proceeded to beat him to death inside his dreaming barn, it had taken hours.

The next morning, sober, physically sick, knuckles bruised and bloody, and with images that he'd never get out of his head, Ronan, wrapped up in self-loathing, had gone to St. Agnes's for confession. He told Father McKinley, "I think I'm a demon." Father had replied, "Ronan, son, if you were a demon, you wouldn't be here asking for help." 

It had taken Ronan a lot of self-reflection to get from there to here. Here now with Adam, who turned to him, finally blinking, and said, "I didn't deserve it. _Any_ of it. It wasn't my fault."

Ronan moved his pinky finger along the bench until it touched Adam's. He didn't know if Adam had ever said that out loud before, but he saw in Adam's eyes that he finally believed it. Adam linked their fingers together.

Ronan wasn't a poet, who could write Adam a poem, or a songwriter to write him a song, or even an artist to paint him a picture. He would do all of those things, each one of them, by hand if he could. But he was a dreamer, a maker of impossible things, and so he'd done the one thing he could do to memorialize Adam, he raised up something beautiful out of the same ugly spot that Adam - beautiful Adam - had raised himself up and out of.

He remembered a bruised cheekbone on a perfect face, where only tanned skin and freckles were now. He ran his thumb there: something that he'd felt terrified to done then; something that he felt honored he could do now. 

"I'm going to try to get in touch with my aunt and grandmother," Adam said. "After I pass the bar."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't know if they want to know me, but maybe they do." Adam looked at Ronan's wet hair. "Hey, you got a shower already. How'd boxing go?" And like that Adam was back to himself. 

They headed home to get dinner ready for Opal's standing Wednesday night visit. Ronan fired up the grill, while Adam made hamburger patties with the fresh ground beef he'd bought that day. 

Ronan had kept his promise and never argued when Adam bought things for the house. Adam was worried about money and full-time work, and Ronan fought the urge to try to help or give advice. He knew Adam had to do this on his own. So, he kept his mouth shut, unless Adam brought it up first. 

Like, "I got temporary part-time work as a government policy analyst for an energy firm. Probably only three, maybe four months, but I can work from home and only go into the office in Richmond every other week or so." 

"Wow. That's great." 

Or, "Kelly sent me a lead for work after I pass the bar. It's a non-profit woman's center, here in Rockingham County. She said they're desperate to hire a lawyer." 

"They'd be idiots not to hire you."

The only subject Ronan had pressed on about was Adam's student loans. He thought it was absolutely ridiculous that Adam wouldn't let him sell a bottle of wine for them. Adam had admitted that yes, maybe it was ridiculous, but he wanted to pay them off himself and that was the end of it. 

Ronan had cursed and slammed things around, muttering about stubborn idiots for over an hour. Adam had ignored him and went to bed. Ronan's temper had burned off soon after and he crawled into bed naked and fucked Adam into the mattress. In the morning, he suggested to Adam that, at least, let Dean or Calla try to get him a consolidated loan with a low interest rate. "They're good at that shit," Ronan had said. And Adam had given him that look, like he was a cute puppy or some shit, and a morning blow job in the shower.

Now, Ronan could hear Opal had arrived and her and Adam were talking. They had gotten to know each other over the past few weeks and it was clear they adored one another. Opal had finished a book that Adam had recommended, and they talked about it all through dinner. And after dinner the talk turned to something about energy policies or some garbage like that.

Ronan yawned dramatically. "You two are such nerds."

"Sorry," Adam said, not sounding sorry at all. "What do you want to talk about, Ronan?"

"Don't want to talk," Ronan said. "I want to _do_ something."

"Like what?" Opal asked. 

"Go for a ride on my bike or the horses or something."

"When are you going to dream me my own bike?" Opal asked. She stood up and went to the freezer. "Anyone else want an ice pop?"

"Sure," Adam said. "Cherry, please."

Ronan glared at Opal first. "You're not getting your own bike until you're eighteen." When Opal turned her back to the them, he glared at Adam next. Adam looked like he didn't understand why, but he knew perfectly well what him sucking on an ice pop was going to do to Ronan.

Opal spun around with a phone in her hand. "What the fuck is your phone doing in the freezer, Ronan?"

Ronan didn't respond. She looked at Adam. He shrugged. "I don't know for sure. But if I had to guess – Declan."

"In the freezer though? Seriously?" Opal shook her head. "You're such a child. You need to talk to him. You own a business together!"

"He can text me."

"You won't read that either." She looked at the phone. "Jesus, it's still working." She scrolled through it. "Twenty-two calls! What if it was an emergency?"

"If it was an emergency, he sure as fuck wouldn't call me."

Opal rubbed the phone in her hand, warming it. "You're impossible." She tapped the screen and put it to her ear. 

Ronan growled, "Don't you dare."

"Hey, Declan, hey no it's Opal." Pause. "Yeah – yeah he's okay." Pause. "Yeah, he wants to talk to you. I just wanted to say 'hi' first." Pause. "It's great." Pause. "I do." Pause. "I know." Pause. "I will. Okay here he is."

Ronan snatched the phone out of her hand. It was a dirty trick and she knew it. He couldn't say no to her, just like he couldn't say no to Matthew. 

"What do you want?" Ronan asked and stalked out of the door.

Forty-eight minutes after he walked out and forty-four minutes after he hung up on Declan, Adam walked into the stable, his lips stained cherry red, where Ronan was brushing his favorite horse, a gorgeous all black dream creature.

"Hey," Adam said.

"Hey." Ronan tossed him a brush and Adam went to work on the other side. "Longer strokes. He likes them like that."

"Okay."

Ronan watched Adam from lowered eyelids. He had promised Adam he would teach him how to ride soon. Ronan often rode one of the horses over to the winery and he would really like to do that with Adam. He had a lot of plans to do things with Adam, like celebrating Adam passing the bar exam, toasting to a successful harvest at the winery, growing pumpkins in the garden, meeting Adam's family, helping Opal get into college, get married. But now Declan – goddamn, asshole, fucking, dickhead Declan - was in his head and he couldn't get him out. 

_'I'm not saying Parrish is a bad guy. He's not. He's all right, actually. But I know him, I know his kind, he's nothing but ambition. It's all he knows how to be. Always at the top of everything. He had to burn out eventually. He might think this is permanent, but then he'll wake up one day, the bar under his belt, refreshed from this little vacation and ready to get back into the game."_

Maybe Adam read his mind. Maybe Adam was just smart enough to know what bullshit Declan had fed him. Maybe Adam just loved him enough to know what Ronan needed. Because, after a while, Adam said, "I've been thinking – now, I know you like immediate gratification – and these don't grow quickly but hear me out. What about Christmas trees?"

"Fucking what now?"

"Christmas trees. What if we planted Christmas trees? You - we have the land available. I thought it would be nice to have trees from the Barns at the winery and the youth center. Maybe even donate some to locals who can't afford one. They take forever to grow though. Ten years or so."

"Ten years? You'll be around here in ten years, then?"

Adam stopped brushing and looked over the horse. "Where the fuck else would I be?" And he went back to brushing.

"Adam, did you ever have your own Christmas tree?"

With is face impassive, Adam responded, "A few small ones. You know those tabletop artificial ones. Never had space big enough for a decent real tree."

"I could dream you a tree."

"Yeah, I know. But something nice about them coming from the soil and all. Something earth magic about it."

Adam had been talking a lot about that. How not just the ley line had energy, but all of the earth. How people's emotions, their fears, dreams, hopes, love, grief, all sunk into dirt, and the earth could give back energy too, if you knew how to treat it. A few times, Ronan had caught him lying on his back on the ground, at the Barns or the vineyard, with his hands dug into the dirt.

Ronan nodded, showing understanding. "I could dream something magical to help them grow faster."

Adam shrugged. "You could. I could also wait ten years."

"We could do both."

"Declan's a prick," Ronan said.

"Yeah, he is. But he's a prick because he worries about you. I get that."

Ronan grunted. "What kind of tree do you like?"

"Um, I don't know."

"We'll pick some saplings out this weekend. Try a few different ones."

"Okay."

That day would be the last day that Ronan Lynch ever worried that Adam Parrish would leave him again.

~ ~ ~

Ronan had almost perfect control over his dreams now. When he had plans to dream something specific, he went to the dream barn. The next morning, Adam woke up to something new and whimsical added to their home, like a fishbowl filled purple seahorses, or something useful like an espresso machine or a picnic table.

Sometimes, if he was too tired after they'd had sex, he would dream sleeping next to Adam, and Adam would wake up with a new pillow or a new blanket in bed.

But the space between 'almost perfect control' and 'perfect control' wasn't easy. On those few mornings, Ronan, carrying the grief and shame after opening up the darkest, deepest most frightened parts of him, would crawl into bed just after dawn, smelling like sweat, earth, and blood. Adam would know there was a fresh mound of dirt in the graveyard behind the west barn that Adam had never specifically been told about, but he knew was there. 

The first time it happened, since he had moved in, Adam rolled over and wrapped his arms tight around Ronan. 

"What can I do?" he asked.

"You can't fix this, Magician. You can't fix me."

Adam did like to fix things, that was true, but he said, "I know I can't fix you. Because you're not broken."

Ronan's breath hitched. "Just... this is good."

One morning, Adam woke up abruptly feeling strange. It felt something like a surge of panic. But not coming from him; it was in the room, the air thick with it. He felt Ronan next to him, but he felt as if someone else was in the room, watching him. His eyes focused and he saw something hovering over the bed. It was shaped like a cloud, but it shimmered like a pool of water in the sun.

It vanished without warning. The panic feeling did too.

He turned to look at Ronan sleeping next to him, still. A little too still, actually. Something felt off. Adam nudged him on the arm. "Hey, wake up." Ronan didn't wake up. Adam nudged him harder. "Ronan, hey." Nothing. Adam checked for breathing. He was breathing. There was a heartbeat. 

"Christ, Ronan. Hey, Lynch, wake-up."

Ronan didn't move. Adam crawled over him, out of bed. Frantically, he searched for his phone to call 911. Just as he found it, he heard someone knocking on the front door downstairs, which set Daisy off barking.

Adam rushed down the stairs, not even thinking that he was wearing only a pair of boxer briefs, he flung upon the door. Blue and Gansey stood on the front porch, their expressions rotating in an instant from excited, to confused, when it was Adam not Ronan, to amused, when they saw what he was or wasn't wearing, to panic, when they saw the look on his face.

"Something's wrong with Ronan!" he said, turned, and ran back upstairs. 

They followed. Their voices a mix of "What's wrong? What's going on? What do you mean wrong?"

Daisy had bolted ahead of him, jumped on the bed, and started licking Ronan's face. When Ronan didn't respond, she whined and laid next to him, resting her head on his chest

Blue and Gansey stood there, looking very confused. 

"He won't wake up."

"Oh my god." Blue put her hand to her mouth. "Is he…?" 

"No! No! My god, no," Adam said. "He's breathing fine. He has a heartbeat."

Gansey reached for Ronan's wrist, but Daisy let out a deep low growl. 

"It's okay, girl," Adam said. "He won't hurt him. I promise."

Gansey checked his pulse and then his eyes. "Everything's perfectly normal."

"Except he won't wake-up," Adam said. "I'm calling 911."

Gansey put his hand on Adam's hand that held his phone. "And tell them what? He's a Greywaren?"

"Gansey's right," Blue said. "Physically, he's fine. This has to be dreamer related."

Adam needed to sit down. He sunk to the floor and leaned his back against the bed. 

Gansey knelt down in front of him. "By the way, hi."

Adam huffed a laugh. "Hi."

"Um," Blue stood behind Gansey, shuffling nervously back and forth. "We weren't expecting you here."

"No one told you? Not even your mom?"

"Well…" Gansey looked at Blue. "We weren't supposed to be home for a few more weeks. We decided to surprise everyone. We came here first."

"Surprise," Blue said, smiling sadly.

"Shit!" Adam scrambled for his phone. He dialed Opal's number. She answered on the second ring. "Thank god."

"Adam, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said, trying to sound normal. "I just wanted to know - um, if you're coming for dinner Sunday night and if you want crabs? Ronan's going to Maryland for some winery business and he's going to pick some up."

"You almost gave me a heartache!" she said. "Why didn't you just text?"

"Oh, you know how Ronan is – haha - he wanted to know right away."

"Yeah. Sure. Crabs are great."

"Okay. Have to go. Bye."

He hung up and felt his heart start again. "Ronan's still alive – existing – I don't know what to call it. But if Opal is still conscious, then he's okay."

"I didn't even think…" Blue said. 

"I don't understand." Adam ran his hands over his face. "He's been fine. He's been dreaming. Very few nightmares. No black wash."

"Did he mention this ever happening before?" Gansey asked.

"No," Adam said. "Not to me."

Gansey grabbed his hands. Adam realized they had been shaking. "We'll work this out, Adam. Let's go downstairs and –"

"I'm not leaving him."

"Okay – okay." Gansey looked back at Blue. "Jane, why don't you –"

"Call my mom. I'm on it." She walked out, pulling her phone from her pocket.

Gansey settled in next to Adam. "Can't say this is the weirdest thing that's ever happened… but it's in the top ten. Maybe even top five."

That jogged Adam's memory. "Something – there was something wrong when I woke up. I felt it. There was fear or panic in the room, and I thought I saw…" He took a deep breath. He was starting to think straight. "You know how Ronan told us that when he's done dreaming he's paralyzed and he hovers over his body before he wakes up."

"Yeah."

"I think I saw him. I think I saw him doing that. It was just a cloud of light or something."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. I woke up feeling strange and I saw this mass of something. Then it - he - I don't know disappeared. And then I tried to wake him up."

He heard Blue now, standing in the doorway, relaying his words over the phone. "Okay. Yes. Yes. Bye." She walked over and sat down next to Gansey. "They're on their way. My mom thinks you did see Ronan or Ronan's spirit."

"I've never seen him before," Adam said. 

"My mom said they'll explain when they get here. Um…" Blue smiled at him. "You might want to put some clothes on before that."

Adam's cheeks heated. "Good idea."

Within an hour, Adam, Blue, Gansey, Calla, Jimi, and Maura sat in a circle around the kitchen table trying to work out what'd happened. Dean sat upstairs with Ronan, since Adam insisted that he could not be left alone in such a vulnerable state.

"Before she died, Persephone had guessed at what you could do," Maura said to Adam. "I'm not a hundred percent sure you can do it fully, but you're showing signs, for certain."

"Do what exactly?" Adam asked.

Maura explained, "There are some people that can astral project. There are some people who can see people who can astral project. There are some people who can bring other people's astral projections into their visions. And there are some who can do all three."

Jimi added, "If you saw Ronan, then you can see people who astral project. And then there's Gansey…"

Adam looked at Gansey. "So, what you were really there with me? In my vision." Gansey nodded. "Jesus. Okay. That's..."

"We can't be certain," Maura said. "There are other ways to have people in your visions, but it's possible that's what it was."

"You do have to be careful, Adam," Jimi said. "You can't just leave empty vessels lying around with no protection."

"What? What do you mean? Empty vessels?"

"First, before you lose your shit" Calla said, "your boyfriend is fine. Half of that tattoo are runes to protect against unwanted possession of his body."

"Unwanted possession of his body!" Adam felt sick.

"I just told you! He's fine," Calla said. "We've all talked about this and he knew it was a risk. The runes are his best protection."

"So, you knew that Ronan was astral projecting when he dreamed?" Adam asked.

Calla looked affronted. "Of course, we did. Why didn't _you_? His consciousness had to go the fuck somewhere?"

Adam felt foolish. He just hadn't thought about it as astral projection. And he also thought that maybe they hadn't talked about everything they had needed to talk about since Adam moved back. For a short time there, he had forgotten the external dangers that surrounded Ronan.

"And second," Calla continued, "you can't be messing around with it because anyone or _anything_ can just plop themselves into an empty vessel."

"Fine," Adam snapped. "I don't know how I did it anyway. But I'm not the issue right now. I saw Ronan's spirit or soul or consciousness, whatever you want to call it, and it's gone. Where is it?"

Calla shrugged. "Don't know. That's the problem now, isn't it?"

"Okay. Let's…" Adam got up and rummaged around in the junk drawer for paper and a pen. He tossed away the pen that always wrote with ink that smelled like strawberries and the one that released bubbles as you wrote. He settled on one that had the youth center information on it.

He sat back down and noticed his hands were still shaking. "Let's make a list of all the possible places it could be."

Calla put her hand on the paper and, with as much softness in her voice as she could muster, she said, "He's most likely trapped in the dream world."

"Or!" Blue exclaimed. "Gansey! We – remember what Professor Adams showed us in Wales?"

"Yes! Jane, you're brilliant. There's an object. It's a," he made a rectangle shape with his hands, "a box. People used them to trap an evil spirit, or a demon, or to trap a soul." 

Adam shook his head. "A box? But no one else was in that room. I'm sure no one else was in the house. Daisy would've barked." 

"They didn't have to be," Gansey said. "The one we learned about, with the right ritual, could trap a soul miles away. They're extremely rare though. We were told that the power it took to create one would probably drain half of the world's energy."

"Adam could scry," Blue said. "Go into the dream world and look for him."

"You don't have the time," Dean said from behind them. They all turned around. "Sorry. You can hear everything up there. And I'm sure no one will get past Daisy." He went and stood behind Maura, putting his hands on the chair. "If someone came here to trap Ronan and sell it or if they're working for someone, they won't be around here long. We don't have much time."

Ronan could be anywhere. Adam closed his eyes, trying to cut through the panic and fear and focus. Falling apart wasn't going to help Ronan.

"I think he might be able to see it," Maura said. 

Calla and Jimi nodded. 

"It's the best chance we have," Calla said.

"What? See what?" Adam asked.

"You might be able to see Ronan's silver cord," Jimi said. 

Maura explained, "It's a cord that attaches the consciousness to the physical body."

"If you can see it, it'll lead you to Ronan," Calla added.

Adam headed for the stairs, both for concern that Ronan's body was alone and because he wanted to get this started. He called over his shoulder, "Tell me what I need to do."

Upstairs, everyone piled into the room. Daisy lifted her head and assessed them, looking for threats. She rested back on Ronan's chest after she determined there were none. 

Adam sat on the edge of the bed next to Ronan's leg and petted her head, reassuring her. He could barely look at the body because it looked like Ronan, but it wasn't him. Everything that gave the body life was missing. All of Ronan's fire and grit and beauty and fierceness was gone and it reflected so in this hollow vessel. Even his hair, which Adam had found himself become slightly obsessed with, because of its wild and natural magnificence, now looked tamed, artificial, and dull. 

Calla, Jimi, and Maura had whispered to each other in the hallway before coming in. Maura spoke for all of them. "We think that you were able to see Ronan earlier, without trying, because you were in that small pocket of space between sleep and awake – consciousness and unconsciousness. It's when your mind is most relaxed and can see things it might not normally see."

"I understand that," Adam said. "Persephone trained me on that. Finding that place when I would scry."

"It's a bit different," Calla said. Adam noticed that she looked, not so much nervous, but jumpy and wondered if it was because she was surrounded by so many dream things. "If you have this ability, you don't need to go that deep."

"Oh, is it like Professor Malory and auras?" Blue asked.

"Very similar," Maura responded.

"I've never seen any silver cord before?" Adam pointed out. "I've seen Ronan dream before and it wasn't there."

"You didn't know it was there," Jimi said. "Now, you do." She sounded very much like Persephone. 

"Okay," Adam said, smacking his hands on his knees. "We need to stop talking about it and do this."

"Blue will help," Maura said. 

Blue moved to Adam's side and took his hand. He looked up at her. She squeezed it. "This will work, Adam." She gave him a small, sly smile. "And then you'll tell me why you're answering Ronan's door in your underwear."

"Because they're fucking."

"Calla!" Every female voice in the room shouted at once, even Daisy barked.

Calla threw her hands up in the air. "I'm just trying to lighten the damn mood."

"Okay, Adam," Maura said. "I'm going to talk you through this. When you see the cord, we'll follow it. Are you ready?" 

Adam nodded.

Maura continued, "Close your eyes. I want you to feel like your scrying, like you're going into your unconsciousness, but just slip into it, don't fall, bring yourself just to the edge of it. When you feel like you're there, hang on to it, and open your eyes."

Adam tried it once. Twice. It didn't work. He could feel Blue's energy. He could feel the ley line pulsing. "It's too much," he said. "I don't think I need Blue touching me. It's taking me too far in and then I snap back too quickly. Let me try it on my own."

Blue let go of his hand and got up to stand further away from him. He closed his eyes again. He felt the weight of Ronan's leg against him. He reached over and put a hand on Ronan's chest and caught the rhythm of it. Like a metronome, it helped him mediate, he imagined what the cord would look like, bright silver, glowing bright, and when he felt he was just at the edge of leaving the conscious world, he opened eyes.

"I see it," he said. "Wow. I can really see it. But it's not silver. It's sort of ... it's iridescent. How did I not see this before? It's so bright. It's like hundreds of strands flowing out from all over his body and they wrap together to become one cord, like a rope. It's so beautiful."

Adam wiped the tears from his eyes. 

"This is amazing," Blue said. "I can't believe you can really see it."

"Let's go," Gansey said.

The group, except for Jimi, who said she'd stay behind to watch Ronan, followed him down the stairs and into the front yard. He pointed north. "It goes that way. Around the barn and into the field."

"That's logical," Dean said. "It doesn't need to stick to roads. It's going to take the straightest path."

"Walking could take too long!" Blue said.

Adam turned to Gansey. "I know you know how to ride a horse. Can you ride with me on it too?"

Gansey nodded, looking relived that he could so something to help. "Yep, sure can."

"Great idea," Dean said.

Adam directed everyone else. "You all ride in the car. Blue, I'll keep in touch with you on your phone. Give you directions. Come on."

Adam and Gansey rushed to the stables. While Gansey saddled the horse, Adam said, "I know we have to talk after - when we have Ronan back. I owe you an explanation. I was a dick."

"You don't owe me any explanations," Gansey said. "But I would really like to hear how my friend is doing."

Adam smiled. "Okay. I can do that."

Gansey got on first. It took Adam a few attempts to get on behind Gansey, but he made it on the fourth try. Straddling the horse was an uncomfortable feeling and it got worse when they started to move.

"Go that way."

Gansey turned the horse towards the direction that Adam pointed. He chuckled and said, "Parrish, this is definitely in the top three of the weirdest things we've ever done."

~ ~ ~

"Blue," Adam shouted into the phone. "It ends at motel just off the highway between Singer's Falls and the old Johnston farm." He pulled the phone away from his mouth. "She said they're just down the road. They'll be here in less than five minutes. Wait, what was that?" Blue told him that Dean said to wait and to not approach the motel.

Blue had been right. They were there in a little over three minutes. Dean pulled the RAV4 a few feet away from Gansey, Adam, and the horse. He got out and went to the trunk. Adam watched him put a silencer on a revolver and then the revolver in the small of his back.

He approached them. "Let me deal with this." Adam tried to say something, but Dean cut him off. "I know, Adam. I do. But this is my area of expertise. Ronan is in there, and I'm going to bring him back - no matter what it takes. We agree on that?"

Adam nodded. 

"Good."

Dean walked away and, Adam walked over to the RAV4 and leaned against it. Blue got out and held his hand. He snorted. "Welcome home, Blue."

"I could say the same to you."

"I like your hair."

"I think you got taller."

"Or you got shorter."

She made a disgusted noise and kicked his foot lightly. 

Gansey and the horse joined them, and they all waited in silence. 

Adam checked his watch, for the eighteenth time, and saw only thirteen minutes had gone by when Blue exclaimed, "Here he comes!"

Dean approached them. In his hands, he held an ancient looking rectangle wood box. Adam walked towards them, Gansey and Blue following. He held out the box to Adam. Adam took it, hardly believing that in his hands was the essence that made Ronan Ronan. He held it tightly to his chest.

"Did you…? Adam asked.

"No," Dead said, shaking his head. "There's a guy back there named Mike, who decided that his life is worth more than whatever that box is worth. We're lucky. He wasn't working for anyone. We also got really lucky that he wasn't specifically looking for Ronan. Come on, let's get back to the Barns. I'll explain the rest on the way."

Adam looked at Gansey, lifted the box just a little, and Gansey understood. He bowed to Blue. "Can I give you a lift, lovely lady?" 

Gansey easily lifted Blue onto the horse before seamlessly getting on behind her. "Not our first time," Blue explained when Adam looked impressed.

Maura offered Adam the front seat and slipped into the back with Calla.

Dean explained as he drove. "He came across the box first. Gansey is correct. They are really rare. He knew it would be worth a lot on the black market, but when he put feelers out, he found out that with a soul actually trapped inside, it would be worth triple. Enough to retire on."

"What would someone do with a soul trapped inside a box?" Adam asked, horrified at the thought.

"Absolutely nothing but brag about it," Dean said. "Or not. Some keep it a secret, just knowing they have something like that for the power of it."

Adam felt sick again. He held the box closer against his stomach. "But how did he find Ronan? How did he find out about the Greywaren?"

Dean said, "He didn't. Doesn't know a damn thing about Dream Thieves or Ronan. This asshole just got lucky. He thinks it's some kid in that box. Some stupid kid, who lives in Henrietta, claimed on an online forum that he can astral project. Mike was using the supernatural forums looking for a source. Our new friend Mike said this is the eleventh town he's been in and the first one where he actually got a hit. It was pure dumb luck."

"Yeah this time," Adam said. "Next time, someone who does know about Ronan could use a box like this."

Maura piped in from the backseat. "I don't think things like that are easily created."

"I agree," Calla said. "The power the person would need to create something like this is hard to find nowadays." 

"I'm sure Gansey and Blue can help research them," Dean said. "Try to track the existing ones down."

Adam studied the box, without jostling it around too much; he didn't know what Ronan could feel or sense in there. The dark wood looked old. The corners worn and chipped. There was a circular cut out on top, only slightly depressed, with drawings, like runes, around it the rim of it. "How does it work?

Dean lifted off the seat and pulled two things from the front pocket of his trousers: a folded piece of paper and a round wooden disc. Adam took them. 

"The ritual is on the paper," Dean said.

"Let me see that, please," Maura said. Adam handed it to her.

"Once the soul is in the box, the lid snaps closed," Dean continued. "That disc is the key to lock it and open it. It won't lock and the key can't be removed unless a soul is inside."

"Do you need a ritual to unlock it?" asked Adam.

"Mike said no. Just open it and the soul will be released and can return to its body."

Adam thought of all the possibilities that could have happened today. "Dean, will you drive a little bit faster?"

~ ~ ~

Adam told Daisy to go downstairs with everyone else. He wanted to be the only one in the room when he opened the box because he didn't know how Ronan was going to come out of this, but he suspected it would probably be like setting off fireworks inside a MINI Cooper.

He could still see the glistening strands rising from Ronan's body, meeting and twisting into a cord flowing into the box. He didn’t think that he could ever accurately describe how beautiful it looked. 

The disc fit perfectly into the depression. He turned it counterclockwise, per Dean's instructions, and felt the release. He held his breath and opened the lid. A mass of dazzling light, like he'd seen hovering above the bed this morning, escaped quickly from the box, and, as if the cord had snapped it back, it absorbed into Ronan's body. It was only a second, but it felt like a thousand seconds to Adam before Ronan shot up straight out of bed, his eyes feral and stormy and his body shaking with rage.

"What the fuck happened? Where the fuck was I?"

Adam wanted to hold him, but it looked like the last thing that Ronan wanted. He was a dangerous, unpredictable live wire, thrashing about, touching him now would only get Adam electrocuted. "What do you remember?"

"Coming back from a dream, waiting to be able to move, like I always fucking do, and then it felt like I was being sucked in a vacuum." He was pacing and balling and unballing his fists. "Then I was in the fucking dark. Felt like I'd been shoved in a – Christ – in a fucking shoebox without my goddamn body. I couldn't see or hear or _feel_ shit."

Adam pointed at the wooden box.

"Someone put me in that!" Ronan picked it up and hurled it at the wall. The box hit the wall and fell to the ground, looking undamaged. "Who – who the fuck did it?"

"Mr. Gray – Dean, he took care of it."

"Is the fucking son-of-a-bitch dead then?"

"No. But he won't bother us again. He didn't know about you. You weren't his target. He'd been here for days, thinking it was some kid who knew how to astral project, he just happened to trap you."

Ronan pounded both fists, his knuckles painfully stretched and white, against the wall. "He was in _our_ house!"

"No! He was at a motel. The magic in that box – it has a wide range."

Ronan banged his head a few times against the wall. "How'd you find me?"

It was a long story. Ronan couldn't handle a long story right now. Adam kept it as succinct as he could. "I guess now would be a good time to tell you that I can see astral projection."

Ronan looked at him. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"I saw you hovering before you got pulled away. I was able to see your cord that keeps your soul and your body tethered together. I followed it to the motel. Gansey and I rode a horse to follow it and find you."

He started to pace again. "Gansey? Gansey's here too?"

"Yeah. Blue too. And Dean, Maura, Calla, and Jimi. They're all downstairs."

Ronan paced. Adam watched. Suddenly, Ronan pushed Adam's shoulders, pinning him up against the wall. "Parrish, I need to fight, fly, or fuck right now. Maybe all three. I don't know. But the least damaging of those three is fuck and thinking about you riding a horse to save me has made my dick really goddamn hard. So, let's start with that. If that's okay with you?" 

Against his thigh, Adam could feel how hard Ronan was. Yes. _Yes_. Adam was very much okay with it. Adam swallowed. He nodded. 

"Good. Get rid of everyone downstairs. Now. Unless you want them to hear this."

"Okay," Adam said, embarrassed that his voice cracked. 

The door had been opened halfway. Adam opened it wider and found Gansey standing in the hallway, looking dumbstruck and his face flaming red. He pointed at the stairs then the door. "I – I heard my name – oh my god - and then it got quiet and I was w-worried, so I came up to see what – and okay, jesus christ, I didn't need to hear all that. I'll get everyone out of here. Bye then."

And he jogged downstairs.

Ronan yanked Adam back into the room by the back of his shirt. Adam surrendered his body to Ronan, allowing him to kiss, suck, and bite any part of him that Ronan desired, allowing Ronan to position him however he wanted, wherever he wanted. Adam didn't move or say anything that Ronan hadn't commanded first, until he was lying face down on the bed, shaking with his own desire, and he said, "Please, Ronan… please. It's enough. I'm ready." And it probably wasn't enough, but it was too, because Adam had been reminded how precious and rare Ronan was in this world, even more so than a box that could trap souls, and how dangerous that was and he needed this as much as Ronan had, maybe even more.

Later that day, while Adam was making a grilled cheese and, after he had already eaten four hard-boiled eggs, Ronan came back from 'flying' on his bike. His cheeks flushed and his hair absolutely wrecked. Adam wondered if Ronan still needed the fight for the trifecta, because he could certainly start the 'wear a helmet, Lynch' argument. But he decided to let it go. Ronan looked a lot less wound up. So, Adam simply asked, "Want one?"

"That won't be enough. I'm famished."

"We don't have much here."

"Let's go to the winery. Want a steak."

Adam slid the sandwich onto a plate, he'd eat it, so it didn't go to waste. "Sounds good. Quick shower for me first." 

"Wait – fuck." Ronan smacked his forehead. "Your bar exam is in two days!"

Adam shrugged. "I know."

"You know? He _knows_. Don't you have to study and shit?"

Adam shrugged again. "I either know it or I don't at this point. I think, after today, relaxing will help a lot more."

As Adam walked across the kitchen, carefully and with a lot wider stance than normal, Ronan smirked and laughed low in his throat. 

"Shut the fuck up, Lynch. It's from riding the horse."

"Sure, it is, Parrish."

The soul-trap box was on the table. Adam wouldn't let it out of his sight. He tapped on it. "We have to destroy this."

"Okay, Magician, how do we do that?"

"Fire," Adam said. He wasn't sure it would burn, but it was as good of a guess that he had.

"Got it. Go shower."

After Adam had showered and dressed, he found Ronan standing in front of the fire pit out behind the farmhouse, poking the fire with a stick.

"Did it burn?" Adam asked.

"Yeah." He held up the key to it. "I kept this. I don't know if they all look like this, but it doesn't hurt to have an extra key, just in case."

"Smart. Blue and Gansey are going to do some research. They've seen one of these before."

Ronan nodded. He started to pour sand on the fire. "Call Blue and Gansey and see if they want to meet us at the winery."

"Good idea." Adam took his phone out of his pocket. "We're going to have to explain things eventually."

"Explain what?"

"Us. How we…?"

Ronan's face grew tighter. "Nothing to fucking explain. It's not complicated. Any fucking idiot could figure it out."

Adam cocked his head, conceding that Ronan was right. 

Both of them separately were pretty complicated people. A lot of things that had happened to them were pretty complicated. But this – them together wasn't complicated at all.


	6. chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam becomes a lawyer.

"Adam Parrish, esquire," Ronan breathed the words against Adam's neck. 

Adam, buried deep inside of him, stilled. "Don't. Talk. Too.... close..."

Ronan debated his two choices. One, make Adam come right now, then flip him over, bite and lick his neck, ears, and nipples, kiss the sensitive head of his cock, and press on that spot just under his balls that made him whimper, until he was hard again; then enter him, basking in the glorious feeling of his cock buried in Adam's heat while he still had Adam's come dripping from inside of him, and then fuck him long and slow, until Adam came a second time. Or, two, shut the fuck up, lie back, and let Adam fuck him into his own orgasm. Both were equally fun, but he liked the first choice a lot better.

"I object," Ronan said. Adam's laugh sounded like a half a laugh and half a sob. With strong hands, Ronan grabbed Adam's ass and lifted his hips, pulling Adam deeper inside of. And with a low voice, filled with bass and warmth, said, "Come on, baby, come for me."

Adam whimpered and came, hips jerking, forehead resting on forehead, mouth opened but silent, hot breath on Ronan's lips. Ronan gave him only a minute or so to recover before he flipped him over on his back and straddled his hips. Adam had his eyes closed, and Ronan took the opportunity to study him. Ronan memorized Adam's kissed until they're deep pink lips, the glowing flush on his cheeks so bright that it washed out his freckles, the rosy red splotches that had exploded all over his chest when he came. Adam's eyelids fluttered opening, revealing his bright, deep blue eyes, almost too beautiful to belong to a human. They were filled with something even more than love - peace, maybe. Ronan took a quick mental snapshot of him in that second before Adam would become embarrassed by Ronan's gaze and find a way to deflect it. That snapshot, the image of Adam, naked and empty of all his thoughts and plans, would be the one that Ronan would recall the most as a weapon in his battles against his nightmares.

~ ~ ~

The first real fight they had started a few days before Adam's first day of work as the primary, well, the only lawyer at the Rockingham County Women's Center.

It started with Ronan looking pleased with himself, and Adam staring at him dumbfounded wondering how he could be so clueless.

"What?" Ronan asked. "You told me it was okay to dream you a car."

"I told you something simple. Like a Camry or an Accord."

"What's wrong with this?" Ronan asked, waving his hands over the hood of a sleek, black BMW 7-Series.

"It's an eighty-thousand-dollar car, Ronan! That is not simple!"

'It's a zero-dollar car, _Adam_."

"Oh, for fu - it _looks_ like an eighty-thousand-dollar car!"

"You're a lawyer! Lawyer's drive expensive cars."

Adam put his face in his hands. He couldn't believe Ronan had done this.

"I don't understand what's wrong?" 

"You did this without talking to me about it!"

"It was a fucking surprise. I wanted to do something nice! Why are you acing like I was being a dick?"

"Nice would have been doing what I asked you to do!"

"I dreamed it! I didn't buy it!"

"This has nothing to do with my issues about money!"

"The fuck it doesn't!"

"Ugh!" Adam stalked off to his office.

"Fuck! I wasn't being a fucking dick, Parrish!" Ronan yelled after him. "I was trying to do something nice!"

Adam stayed in the office until well after dinner time. He finally left when hunger overrode his stubborn anger. He ate cold pizza and, when curiosity got the best of him, went looking for Ronan. He found him in the sitting room. Sitting in a chair or more like looking like he was sliding out of the chair, with his legs stretched out in front of him, eyes closed, earbuds in, and a whiskey bottle, half empty, on the floor near his hand. 

He kicked Ronan's foot.

"Fuck off," Ronan snapped, without opening his eyes. "I don't feel like listening to you tell me how much of a dick I am."

"I never called you a dick!" Adam yelled to be heard over the deafening levels of music coming out of Ronan's earbuds. "And it's not my money issues!"

Ronan started to sing to the music, loudly. Adam tapped the pause button on his phone that was lying on his chest.

Ronan finally opened his eyes. "Fuck. Off." 

"I said it's not because of my money issues! I'm going to work at a non-profit center. Some of these women have nothing. They live in shelters and trailers. Some just got out of jail. The center itself struggles financially. I just can't show up there in that car and expect them to trust me, to think I can relate to them. I'm already a white guy with a big expensive education, driving a flashy car is offensive!"

Ronan stood up swiftly and accidentally kicked the whiskey bottle over. He stormed out into the hallway and out the front door.

After cleaning up the wet rug, Adam tried to watch something on Netflix. Then read his law magazine. Then read his email. He couldn't concentrate because his anger was waning and he was worried about Ronan. He hadn't heard a car or the bike start. That meant Ronan was somewhere on the property, stewing in his mood. Adam went out to look for him. It didn't take long; Ronan was a creature of habit.

Adam climbed the ladder to the rooftop of the barn that always had the best view of the sunset. Ronan was curled into himself, his knees bent against his chest, head buried between them. Adam sat next to him with his own knees bent. Immediately, Ronan moved. Their first real fight ended with Ronan hugging Adam's knees, his cheek resting on them, looking away from Adam's face, and Adam's hand cradling Ronan's neck and running his thumb along the base of his skull.

They sat for a while, listening to the crickets and the sounds of the nocturnal animals. Adam started playing with Ronan's hair. Ronan teased him about his obsession with it, but Adam didn't dare explain why. Ronan's hair was the perfect parallel for Ronan himself. Without knowing it, without touching it, it looked incorrigible and untamed, chaotic, hard to manage, harder to understand, but, if you knew it, if you got close enough to it, you knew that it was soft, pliable, and easily understood, its patterns easy to find, if he let you get close enough to see them and if you bothered to look. And, just like Ronan, it slid, like silk, easily through Adam's fingers, like it loved to be touched by them. 

After a while, Ronan interrupted their post-fight mediation. "My father used to tell me that when I was born the rivers dried up and all the cattle in the county wept blood.

"My mother said that when I was born all the trees grew flowers and the Henrietta ravens laughed."

Adam curled in now, his forehead on the back of Ronan's head, and he circled his arms around his knees and Ronan. "I was only four months old. I don't remember."

Ronan chuckled. 

Somewhere a cat let out a howl. Daisy responded with a bark.

"I don't always know why I do the things that I do," Ronan said.

"It was a stupid fight. I'm not angry."

Ronan sighed. "I'll give the car to Declan. He'll get a real boner for it… Oh." 

"Huh?"

"I get it now. If it's a car Declan gets a hard-on for, then it's not a car for you."

The next morning, Adam found a light gray Camry, the model seven years old, parked next to the truck. There was a dent in the back fender, the driver's side window made a horrible noise when you put it down, and the radio played only the local Baptist preacher's station, because Ronan was a certain kind of asshole.

"Just to let you know," Ronan said when he tossed Adam the keys, "I will not be seen in that car!"

~ ~ ~

Ronan was on the roof of the farmhouse fixing tiles, preparing for winter, and thinking about the past few months with Adam. Ronan had never thought he'd feel this sort of happiness ever again. And Adam had never looked happier. Every day, Ronan thought he could see a little bit more stress chipped away from Adam's exterior, more of the invisible burdens he carried disappearing.

Ronan loved watching Adam move around the Barns like it was his home. Because it _was_. 

Adam had said that the earth and everything that grows from it absorbs our emotional energy. If that was true, and Ronan believed that it was, the Barns had to be overflowing with emotions. He pictured his mother, walking around here, spreading her love onto everything and everyone. A memory came to him: he had been climbing a tree and fell, suffering no serious injuries, but he'd skinned his arm. He'd run crying to his mother, who had on the porch and scooped him into her arms. _'Oh, Ronan, you'll be okay. Let Mommy kiss it better for you. And then we'll clean it up and put a band-aide it on it. The one you like, with the cars on it.'_ Inside, in the tiny bathroom near the kitchen, when she'd finished, she'd hugged him and told him, _'I love you to the moon and back, Ronan Lynch.'_

His mother had told him that she loved him every day, always more than once. Sometimes, he would run to her for even the tiniest of problems, just to be wrapped up in her warmth and to hear those words. He'd been so fortunate to have grown up surrounded by love. Not everyone was as lucky.

"Fuck!" Ronan dropped the hammer to the ground. "Lynch, you fucking dickhead."

Daisy started to bark. "You shut up!"

Ronan thought frantically. Where was Adam this morning? What day is it? Saturday. It was Saturday morning. He wasn't at work, but he wasn't here either. The Youth Center! Student loan counseling, right.

He put Daisy in the house and jumped on his motorcycle. He made it to the Youth Center in half the time it took normal people.

"Where's Adam host the loan program?" he asked at the front desk. 

Meredith told him, "Building 2. Conference room 201. They just wrapped up the early session."

Ronan jogged there, stopping only once to rip the missing poster for Alex off a wall. He balled it up and shoved it in his pocket. He lucked out and found Adam alone, sitting at the front of the conference room peering at his laptop.

He looked up as Ronan approached. "Hey, what are you – is everything all right?" 

Ronan pulled him up so that he could look easily into his eyes. With one hand on Adam's bicep and the other cupping his jaw, Ronan said, "I love you, Adam Parrish." 

"Wha – why – what's going on?"

"I'm an epic dickhead for not saying it before. I love you."

Adam who still looked shocked at the sudden intrusion, now added uncomfortable on top of it. It hit Ronan, even harder than it had before, that Adam had never heard anyone say it to him before. 

"I know you do," Adam said. "You don't have to say -"

"I do - I do have to say it. I think it all the time. All the fucking time, like every damn time I look at you. So, I should say it too. People need to hear it. That's why we have a word for it. I _love_ you."

Adam's eyes brimmed with tears, his face and body still tense. He was unsure how to accept this, how to absorb it. "I –"

"Don't you dare say it back. Another time. Okay?"

Adam nodded. His face softened. He had that look.

_'Damn,'_ Ronan thought and wished he hadn't done this here and had waited until Adam had gotten home, because that look meant he would've definitely gotten his dick sucked.

~ ~ ~

"What the fuck are you wearing?" Adam asked and started laughing, a throw his head back and hold his stomach laugh.

"What the fuck does it look like?" Ronan asked, glaring at Adam like he wasn't standing there wearing khakis and a _salmon_ colored polo shirt.

"It looks like Gansey," Adam said, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Where did you even get those pants and that shirt?"

"I'm not a total delinquent, you know. This is important to you. Want to make a good impression."

Adam shook his head. "I want you to be _you_ \- Ronan - not Gansey."

"Whatever," he said, stomping back upstairs.

Several minutes later, he emerged back downstairs wearing jeans, and a thin charcoal gray v-neck sweater under a black suit jacket with the sleeves rolled up. His leather wrist bands back into place. His hair messier now, more its usual self, since he'd taken off a shirt and put another one on.

"Better?" he asked.

Adam couldn't speak for a moment, taken aback by how strikingly gorgeous Ronan was. 

"Or for fuck's sake!" Ronan threw his hands in the air. "What's wrong now?"

"Nothing!" Adam said. "It's better - perfect. Let's get going."

About an hour into the drive, Ronan put his hand over Adam's that was tapping on the gear shift. 

"You're making me nervous," he said.

"What if they're like my dad? What if -?"

"We leave. It's that simple." Ronan knew it wasn't that simple. Adam being rejected by more family would never be simple. "You've talked to your aunt over email and text. Does she seem like your dad?"

"No," Adam admitted. "But we didn't really talk about too much. Mostly niceties and planning for this get together."

"I know you stalked them online."

"Yeah. They seemed okay."

Ronan looked at Adam. He looked pale. Ronan squeezed his hand. 

Adam had agreed to meet his aunt at a restaurant near her home in Richmond. They found the restaurant and, as they walked through the parking lot, Adam reached for Ronan's hand. 

His aunt had already texted Adam to tell him that she had been seated and to just give her name to the hostess. Ronan was sure that Adam would've spotted his aunt easily, even though they had never met in person. She had sent him a photo of her, her husband, her three children (two boys and a girl), and her mother, Adam's grandmother. Ronan had caught Adam staring at the photo several times a day for weeks. 

Kathy, his aunt, must have sensed Adam's hesitation at meeting everyone at once because she suggested that they meet alone first to get aquatinted.

As they approached with the hostess, Ronan slightly ahead of Adam, Kathy stood. She looked as nervous as Adam. 

"Hi," she said. She looked at Ronan. "You must be Ronan. Hi, I'm Kathy." She looked at Adam, and Ronan suspected she was holding herself back from hugging him. "Hi, Adam."

"Hi," he said and shook her hand.

Kathy went to sit down and Adam asked her if he could sit there. He explained, "I'm deaf in this ear and it's easier if it's to a wall."

"Oh, what happened?"

Before Adam could respond, Ronan said, "His bastard father beat the hearing out of that ear."

Kathy's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes filled with tears. They sat down and a silence followed that went on just a little too long. Ronan, feeling slightly guilty for making it more uncomfortable than it was, decided to start some small talk, no matter how much he hated it. So, he did what he did best – complain. "I can't believe this shit. Decorated for Christmas already. It's two weeks until Thanksgiving!"

"I agree," Kathy said. "I love autumn decorations. I wish people left them up longer."

"Ronan's winery is decorated really nice for Thanksgiving," Adam said. "We grew the pumpkins ourselves."

"Really?" She looked impressed. "That sounds lovely." They fell into silence again. She asked, "Did you find this place all right?"

"Yeah," both men answered at the same time. 

The waitress came over and saved them for a little while from the awkwardness. Ronan ordered beer. Kathy a Prosecco. And Adam a sweet tea. Ronan opened his menu and the others followed.

After their meals were ordered, Adam got a look on his face that Ronan knew well. He was about to be brave. God, Ronan loved him so much.

"So, Kathy," he said, "I thought you'd like to tell me your side of the story."

Ronan smirked at Adam's leading question. His boyfriend was such a lawyer. 

"Oh, Adam," she said, looking near tears again. "I just hope you can forgive us. Especially my mom."

Adam looked impassive.

She continued, "I guess I should start from the beginning. My father was not a nice man. He was a mean, cruel, and abusive bastard. I was the youngest. My brother – your father – was – is five years older than me. When I was eleven, my father beat my mom so bad, in front of me, that I thought she was dead. She was in the hospital for weeks.

"My mother couldn't take anymore. She told the cops what happened. Robbie and I had to go into foster care until she was well enough to take care of us again. My father – the coward – spent a night in jail and then took off to god knows where. Never heard from him again. And Robbie – he was… was too far gone. Brain-washed by all the abusive shit he had seen and had been through. He blamed mom. Blamed her for the beatings. Blamed her for his father leaving. He was impossible to live with. One night, he punched me and mom had had enough and kicked him out.

"I'm not making excuses for your father, Adam. I know what he did. I hate him for it too. He hit my mother once. You were just a baby. My mother was so excited about you that she let Robbie back into her life. Your parents used her as a 24/7 babysitting service. For the first six months of your life, you were with her more than them. They'd drop you off and go away for weeks, come back for a few days, and then take off again. Mom told them once that she wasn't going to give you back, that you deserved better, and Robbie hit her and told her that he'd hoped dad would come back and kill her." 

Kathy stopped for a moment and took a drink. Ronan reached for Adam's hand and rubbed his thumb along it. 

"You have to understand what it was like then," she continued. "Still now for a lot of families. She had no legal rights to you. She couldn't have kidnapped you. She didn't have the money or the resources to run away."

Adam nodded. "I do understand. I know." Ronan heard the slight shake in Adam's voice and knew he was trying hard to hold it together.

"Robbie cut her off from you after that. It broke her heart. The next year, I got into Marymount University in Arlington with a full scholarship. I didn't want to go and leave mom. So, she came with me. She sent you cards on your birthday and Christmas for a long while. Then one time it came back with the money taken out and a note telling her to _'drop dead, bitch'_."

Their food had come and sat there ignored. 

"Did you know that your son tried to contact me?" Adam asked.

"Yes. Josh had found you and told us right away. Your grandmother always talked about you, so Josh was curious if he could find you. She's never forgotten you, Adam. I swear. Whenever someone says that she has three grandchildren, she corrects them and says, _'I have four grandchildren.'_ When we knew where you were, Josh would watch your Facebook, and she start adding, _'Adam's the oldest he's at Harvard. Or he's at law school.'_" 

Adam sniffed and wiped a tear that had rolled down his cheek. Kathy reached over and put her hand on top of both of theirs. 

"I really want to meet her," Adam said. 

"Oh, thank god," Kathy said and sat back. "Did you not hear my phone vibrating like crazy? That's the family back at my house, waiting to hear if you're coming back with me. If it's too much today, I'll understand."

"It's not," Adam said. He turned to Ronan. "Okay?"

Ronan looked between Adam and his aunt. They were both too emotional and distracted, and neither of them looked like they cared a bit about their food. He reached for his wallet. "Yeah, let's go. This is on me. Adam, don't give me any shit."

In the truck, with the GPS guiding them to Kathy's house, Adam kept smiling. It looked like he kept trying to stop himself, but he couldn't. 

"That was…" Adam changed his face to serious. "Intense. But honest. I didn't know what to expect, you know."

"Uh-huh."

"I understand my father a bit better. Before you lecture me, I know he's a bastard and doesn't deserve my sympathy and he's not getting any. I'm just saying that I understand things more now."

"Uh-huh."

"She seems nice." He was smiling again.

Ronan smiled back. "Yeah. She does for a soccer mom."

"I knew you were going to say something about the stickers on the back of her SUV!"

"I'm only joking, Parrish. A little. Relax. I know how to play nice." He jerked his head towards the backseat. "I even brought wine."

"You did? How'd you knew we'd…?"

"I didn't. I grabbed it just in case."

The house was exactly what Ronan had expected. Suburban middle-class. On a cul-de-sac. One SUV and a lower priced luxury car in the driveway. A basketball hoop on the garage door. Kathy hadn't lied. She obviously loved autumn decorations. There was a wreath on the door made out of fake autumn leaves, pumpkins on the step, a dried cornstalk attached to a lamppost on the edge of the driveway, and a silk flag, in autumn colors, decorated with pumpkins that read _'Happy Thanksgiving!'_

Kathy greeted them at the door, behind her was a tall, balding man, around the same age. She introduced him as her husband Jim. 

Ronan handed them the wine. He had been right; they both looked impressed.

"Fratres Aeterni," Jim read the label. "I've heard good things about this wine. It's from a local Virginia winery, right?"

"Yes," Adam said. "Ronan's one of the owners."

Then they looked really impressed. 

What happened next was a tornado of introductions and hugs and a lot of tears. Adam's grandmother sobbed so hard and hugged Adam, who was also crying, so tight, that Ronan feared he would cry too. Kathy rubbed her mother's back and cried. And Jim rubbed Kathy's back. 

Kathy's oldest son Josh, who looked about in his late teens, rolled his eyes at Ronan, and said, "Drink?"

"Beer?"

"Follow me."

Ronan followed him out to the kitchen, and the other two kids followed as well. The girl Ashley looked about fourteen, and Luke about ten. Luke had on a soccer jersey, and Ronan made a note to tease Adam about that later.

Josh handed him a beer, some IPA that tasted like it had ginger or some crap like that in it, and led him outside to a deck, where a fire was lit in a gas fire-pit. They sat around it and made small talk, until Luke got bored and went back inside. Josh was really interested in Henrietta and Singer's Falls, which Ronan felt was odd. So, he asked.

"You're gay – you're hot. Adam's gay – he's hot. I know he's my cousin, but I still have eyes. So, I'm wondering if there's like this overflow of really hot gay guys there. Because I'm gay, if that's not clear."

Ashley snorted. "You're not just gay. You're pathetic."

Ronan laughed and clinked his bottle against her plastic bottle of water. "I like you." He winked at her. "I have an older brother too. He's a pain in my ass."

She giggled. He'd charmed her. 

Kathy slid the door open and stuck her head out. "Ronan, you must be starved. Pizza just arrived. Come get some."

Ronan found Adam at the dining room table with his grandmother sitting next to him, holding his hand and looking at him like she'd just seen the sun for the first time. Adam looked up at Ronan and smiled. That smile that Ronan would start wars for and even wear khakis and a salmon colored polo shirt, if necessary. 

Someone Ronan hadn't noticed before was there. An older man, with a full head of gray hair. He introduced himself as Chuck, Elizabeth's husband. Ronan had to assume that Elizabeth was Adam's grandmother since he had never mentioned her name before.

The whole family settled in around the dining room table, except for Luke, who was, according to Ashley, 'playing his stupid game' in the basement. Kathy passed out slices of pizza on paper plates. Josh got Ronan another beer. 

"You don't drink wine?" Jim asked.

"Sometimes," Ronan said. "I'm much more of a beer man or Irish whiskey."

"Have you been to Ireland?" Chuck asked. "Liz and I went ten years ago on our honeymoon. We loved it."

"My father was born there," Ronan replied.

"Ah, a good ol' Irish lad!" Chuck exclaimed.

"I'd like to go someday." He met Adam's eyes. A honeymoon had been exactly what Ronan had thought would be a perfect time to go back. He had never mentioned that to Adam. Maybe he should. Soon.

Elizabeth, who looked like she wasn't ever going to leaving Adam's side, asked Kathy to fetch her photo album. She placed it in front of Adam and opened it up. She caught Ronan looking at them. "Pictures of Adam when he was a baby," she explained. 

Ronan knew how much this meant to Adam. He didn't have any photos of himself as a child. Adam turned somber and Elizabeth started to cry again. Everyone got up, as casually as they could, and took their plates and drinks into the kitchen, leaving Adam and his grandmother alone.

Luke came up from the basement, grabbed two slices of pizza, and ran downstairs, with his father calling after him that was enough games for the night and get back here. But Luke never re-emerged. 

Jim shook his head and fished out another beer from the fridge.

"Where'd you and Adam meet?" Kathy asked.

"We went to Aglionby Academy together."

Behind his father Josh's eye glazed over. Ronan laughed internally. He remembered what it was like to be that age and horny all the time. Ronan was sure Josh had probably watched a lot of porn with stories about private school boy friends to 'first times.' Ronan was quite familiar with those himself.

"Aglionby!" Ashley exclaimed.

Her father said, sternly, "Ashley, we've had this conversation." He turned to Ronan. "Ashley wants to go to Aglionby now that they've let girls in."

"Nice," Ronan said. "My cousin is one of those girls."

Ashely's eyes got big. "She is. Wow. A Raven Girl. I want to go so bad. It's a lot of money though."

Jim looked mortified that Ashley had hinted at the reason she couldn't go.

"Adam worked three jobs – I don't know maybe it was four – there were so many - to pay for his education there."

Ronan caught both Kathy and Jim's first reactions to that. Kathy looked understanding and proud. Jim looked horrified. And that told Ronan all he needed to know about Adam's new uncle. He already knew where Kathy had come from. But now he knew Jim. Jim had been raised in this middle-class world, with parents that had to work, and probably worked hard, but in a comfortable white-collar job. He'd received a quality education, maybe had to take out a few federal loans to help pay for college, but nothing that wasn't paid off quickly. Jim might've wanted to be rich, like the Lynches or the Ganseys, but he was perfectly content with his middle-class life. And that's why the only thing his oldest son had to worry about was sex and why his youngest son appeared to be an entitled little shit.

It wasn't necessarily bad that Jim and his sons were like that. It just was how their life worked out. Ronan had never learned how to be entitled. Privileged, yes. But never, ever entitled. A living Niall Lynch had prepared him to fight the world for everything. A living Aurora Lynch had taught him to appreciate everything in the world. A dead Niall and Aurora had taught him that the world owed him nothing. 

Ronan sensed that Ashely was different though. Maybe because she knew the story of the women before her, how her mother and her grandmother had to claw their way out of abuse and pain and damage to break a cycle that probably went a lot further back than Adam's grandfather.

"I could get a job, like Adam did, to help pay for it," Ashley pointed out.

"If you're really serious," Ronan said, "you let me know. A letter of recommendation from two Aglionby students and a current student would carry a lot of weight." 

After that she didn't leave his side all night.

They piled more questions on Ronan and he answered, politely, asking a few of his own. Taking in their facts, memorizing them, so he could feed them back to Adam later, who would gobble them up, so Ronan could forget them all.

_'They have a small family. Jim has one brother, married, no kids. Chuck has two daughters, one divorced with one kid, one married with two, but they all live in Seattle and he only sees them once a year when they go out there in the summer.'_

_'Josh is a thirsty motherfucker.'_

_'Kathy is a school nurse. She likes the summers off. Jim does some IT type shit.'_

_'Chuck and your grandmother own a condo in Florida. Boca Raton.'_

_'Jim plays golf on the first Saturday of every month. I bet he wears those plaid golf pants.'_

_'Your grandmother had a heart attack last year when she was sixty-four, but they said she's fine now. It was a minor thing, but you should find out if it's hereditary.'_

_'Ashley wants you to accept her Instagram request. She asked if you had a Snapchat too.'_

_'I told them to come to the winery whenever they want. They invited us to Christmas dinner. I didn't commit, but we can if you want. We can spend Christmas Eve with Declan and Matthew at the Barns, Christmas breakfast at Fox Way, and Christmas dinner in Richmond.'_

Chuck was the one who finally decided that they needed to call it a night. He wasn't wrong. Both Elizabeth and Adam looked wrung out emotionally. They said their good-byes, Adam promised to call both Elizabeth and Kathy next week, and Ronan accepted a hug from both women. 

Adam was quiet as Ronan told him what he had learned. Back home, while Ronan brushed his teeth, he looked out into the bedroom and watched as Adam took a photograph from his pocket and leaned it against a framed photo of Ronan, his parents, and his brothers. Ronan looked at it as he climbed into bed. It was a younger Elizabeth holding a baby Adam.

That night Ronan dreamed him a photo frame for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left! It will be up tomorrow. Thank you for the lovely reviews.


	7. chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get fixed.

Ronan made sure that he was downstairs first so he could see Adam's face when he walked into the sitting room on Christmas morning. 

When Adam walked in, looking warm and sleepy, Ronan, who knew Adam Parrish and had prepared for a classic Adam Parrish reaction, spoke before Adam could even fully take in everything. "Don't freak out about all the presents. Trust me, okay."

Adam yawned as he looked at the presents under the huge Fraser Fir Christmas tree that they had decorated with Opal the weekend after Thanksgiving. 

Ronan handed him a mug of coffee before sitting on the floor. Adam headed for a chair. "No! You have to sit on the floor when you open your presents."

Adam sipped his coffee and raised an eyebrow.

Ronan pointed at the floor in front of him. "Sit." A draft on the floor made Ronan shiver. He grabbed a knitted blanket from the closest chair and wrapped himself up in it.

Adam sat cross-legged on the floor. He looked at the presents again under the tree and frowned. "Ronan, we said _one_."

"And I said _trust me_."

Ronan grabbed a small box, oddly wrapped in what looked like bits of ripped up paper, and handed it to Adam. 

Adam read the tag on it and looked at Ronan. "To Adam, from Chainsaw?"

"Yeah, I told her to pick something out for you."

Adam threw the paper aside and, as if on cue, Chainsaw flew into the room grabbed the paper and hopped up on a table to rip it up even more. From inside the box, Adam pulled out an antique 1950's looking silver army man. He laughed. "Thank you, Chainsaw."

Ronan pushed him another present. This one much bigger and, because of the shape and make of it, it was pretty obvious that it was a pet bed big enough for a large dog. Said dog was sniffing around it, waiting for Adam.

Adam unwrapped it and put the soft, velvet gray bed on the floor close by, and Daisy got into it, turned around two times, and laid down. 

"Thank you, Daisy," Adam said and gave Ronan a questioning look.

Ronan shrugged. "She thought you'd like that in your office, so she can keep you company."

"Oh, she did, did she?"

"She did."

Ronan sipped his own coffee and watched Adam, sitting cross-legged in his soft flannel pajama bottoms and worn-out white tee, his hair looking soft and bed-tossed and the twinkle lights from the tree casting a soft glow on his freckled nose and cheeks, open each present that Ronan had gathered from all of their friends, family, and pets. There was even an unsolicited gift from Alex's mom, a knitted hat and a pair of gloves with a thank you card. Ronan had received the same gift. 

Ronan had wanted Adam to have the sort of Christmas that Adam had never had. A big tree with dazzling lights and lots of presents to unwrap, but Adam had locked him into a promise that they would only get each other one present. Ronan had exploited a loophole in that agreement. Ronan was learning a lot from his lawyer boyfriend. 

There were two presents left. "The smaller box first," Ronan said. "It doesn't count." It counted. "I dreamed it."

Adam unwrapped the box and his mouth dropped when he saw the Christmas ornament depicting that exact moment. Adam turned it over in his hands, looking at the replica of himself, sitting cross-legged under the tree and wearing the flannel bottoms and the white t-shirt, hair a mess, Daisy lying on a bed next to him. "It's... how did you?" 

"I'm not psychic. Not hard to guess."

"I'm... this is..." Adam leaned forward and Ronan met him halfway. "Thank you," he whispered against Ronan's lips before kissing him. Adam tugged at the hem of the borrowed Harvard sweatshirt Ronan had on. "Dream me one with you, under the tree, wearing this, please."

"Okay."

Ronan gave Adam a hook, and Adam placed the ornament on the tree.

The last gift, the actual agreed upon 'one' gift, an iPad Pro, was appreciated, but didn't get as big of a reaction. Ronan hadn't expected it to.

"My turn," Adam said. "Be right back."

While Ronan waited, he closed his eyes and got wrapped up in the feeling of Christmas morning, the quiet - expect for that damn bird, _'Jesus Christ, Chainsaw, go find something else to do, somewhere else'_ \- the sound of the winter wind outside, and the smell of the tree. The morning's sensations were of nostalgia, tradition, family, and comfort. He missed his dad. He missed his mom. But he loved this too. Maybe he hadn’t done it all for only Adam.

Adam returned carrying a large box and a blanket. He set the box down next to Ronan and sat back on the floor, pulling the blanket around his shoulders.

Ronan tore into the wrapping paper, ripping it and tossing it outside. Adam grabbed it, folded it up, and laid it on top of the other discard paper.

The box held a black motorcycle helmet. He lifted it out of the box. The helmet was an open-faced design with a full-face shield, matte black, and on the sides were raven wings designed in a very subtle black semi-gloss. It was gorgeous. And a dirty trick.

Ronan gave Adam a 'look.' Adam looked back hugging the blanket closer to him, his eyes wide and innocent, which Ronan knew he was anything but. 

"It's selfish reasons, really," Adam said. "I don't want anything to happen to that pretty face."

~ ~ ~

Adam moved to the side too quickly passing Ronan in the bathroom doorway and lost his balance. Ronan steadied him. "Why don't you let me dream something up to fix that?"

"I'm fine," Adam stepped away. He was getting ready for work and didn't have time for this conversation. 

"I know you're fine," Ronan snapped. "You're also stubborn as fuck."

"It's not that. I thought about it, okay? It's complicated. You think I haven't researched it?"

"Of course, you did. So, why isn't it fixed?"

Adam sighed as he started the water for the shower. If they were going to have this conversation, they were going to have it while he got ready. He had an important conference call. Ronan sat on the toilet and listened as Adam talked.

"That night I obviously wasn't thinking straight. No one was there with me, so I really didn't know what was wrong with my ear. I didn't know what to ask. At college, I requested my medical records from the hospital and one of the guys on my crew team sent them to his dad, who's an otologist. His dad said the problem was that my temporal bone in my middle ear had been damaged.

I thought about a dream thing, but the workings of the ear are really intricate. You would have to understand them all and – and what if I put it in and it's not right. I can't go to a doctor and say _'Hey, my boyfriend dreamed this up for me. It doesn't work and it's stuck in there. Can you fix it?'_"

Ronan made an annoyed noise. "It can't be fixed, then?"

"I didn't say that." Adam prepared himself for the oncoming Ronan Lynch reaction. "He said that it's possible that it could be fixed with surgery."

He heard Ronan's feet hit the floor. "What the fuck do you mean it can be fixed? And you haven't had it fixed? What the fuck is wrong with you? Of all the stupid, stubborn shit you've done, Parrish, this one -"

Adam turned off the water and flung the shower curtain back. "Hand me a towel." Ronan threw the towel at his face. "Why do you think? Money. If it can be done, it's an expensive surgery. Very expensive. I didn't have decent insurance and no money. That's why."

"You have insurance now. And some money. What are you waiting for? Get it the fuck fixed."

Adam had finished drying himself and headed into the bedroom to get dressed and explain a concept that was completely foreign to Ronan. "Because I don't work for myself. It will require time off from work. At least a week, maybe two."

"I'm not an idiot. I know about medical leave."

"I have to be at the job a year."

"Oh."

Adam slipped into his loafers and gave Ronan a kiss. "When I'm there a year, I'll look into it. I promise. Also, it's getting warm in here. Should we put the screens in this weekend?"

"That's six months from now. I already cleaned them off."

"I know how long it is. Good."

Ronan followed him downstairs and out onto the porch. "I'm putting it in the calendar, Parrish!"

"You don't have a calendar, Lynch!" Adam shouted before getting into his car.

"I'm a farmer, asshole, I mark time by the phases of the moon and the weather!"

~ ~ ~

They were outside, sitting at their picnic table and eating fresh corn that Ronan had brought home from the winery. Ronan had grilled it and they'd slathered so much butter on the ears that it ran down their arms to their elbows. Adam loved the nights he got home from work at a decent hour and they could do this.

Adam was thinking about the grilled peaches Ronan had promised him for desert, when Ronan brought up the annual pride dance at the youth center tomorrow night.

"And you want to go?" Adam asked. "To dance?"

"I didn't say that I wanted to dance. I said I was going to the dance. To chaperone. I do every year. Opal's a real pain in the ass about it, if I don't."

Adam poured them both a full glass of sweet tea and tried not to laugh, picturing Ronan scowling at any kids that got out of line. Ronan _was_ the kid who got out of line. He was the kid who spiked the punchbowl, not the guy who watched out for kids spiking the punchbowl.

"Well?" Ronan asked.

"Well what?"

"Do you want to go?"

"Lynch, are you asking me to the dance?"

"Oh, fuck off then. If you're going to be a dick about it."

"I'll take that as a 'yes.' You are asking me to the dance. Then it's a yes. I'll go to the dance with you."

Ronan huffed and rolled his eyes, and Adam laughed.

The next night, Adam sat at a table with Opal and Liam, who'd proudly showed off the decorations to Adam earlier and explained what all the different pride flags represented. "The heteronormatives can come too," Liam had told him. "We're inclusive."

Ronan showed up, after taking care of someone who had locked their keys in their car. He turned a chair around and straddled it backwards. "This music is absolute shit, Liam."

"Nah," Liam said. "You're just old as shit."

"I am old as shit and that doesn't change the fact that this music is still shit. Christ, it makes baby Jesus weep, Liam. Weep!" 

Adam, who struggled to hear anything with the loud music, sat back and watched the dance, content to see the kids have a great time. He'd learned a lot about them over the past year. He'd listened to their stories and sat with them in some of the group rooms and put his arm around them when they cried about their parents, bullies at school, grades, money, or their future, and he'd laugh at their stories, and congratulated them on their accomplishments. This moment was special though. They were here, in a safe environment, dancing and having fun and simply being _young_, surrounded by adults, who accepted them and only wanted to protect and love them.

Opal and Liam went off with friends, and Ronan had to keep getting up to take care of one thing or another. He kept checking on Adam though, looking concerned, but Adam smiled and mouthed, _'I'm okay._'

After the dance, Ronan and Adam stayed behind to wait for the maintenance service that would clean the auditorium overnight. Both of them performed a sweep of the building to make sure there weren't any teenagers who got caught up in the heat of the moment and lost track of time. Neither of them found any and they met back at the table.

Adam went to sit, but Ronan grabbed his arm. "You owe me a dance, Parrish."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "You're serious."

"Yes. I'm serious."

"Well, you didn't ask me to dance at the actual dance."

Ronan pulled out his phone and tapped around the screen. "Because I'm not dancing to any of that crap."

A slow, Celtic folk song came on and Ronan put an arm around Adam's waist. 

"So, who leads?" Honestly, Adam didn't know how to lead. He didn't know how to dance. He'd only done it a few times at elementary school dances, when he was too shy and awkward to do anything right.

"The person who did the asking."

Adam put one arm around Ronan's shoulders and his other arm extended out to hold Ronan's hand. He knew he felt tense and moved with uncertainty. Ronan whispered in his good ear, "Relax. This is supposed to be fun." He rested his head against Adam's and moved side-to-side, turning slowly.

The soothing and deep voice of the baritone Irish male singer and the soft sounds of the guitar relaxed him; he moved easier. He paid attention to the words. They were old-fashioned, simple, sappy, and hopelessly romantic. Adam imagined it'd been a song that Ronan watched his parents dance to when he was young.

__

_I am a sailor, you're my first mate_  
_We signed on together, we coupled our fate_  
_Hauled up our anchor, determined not to fail_  
_For the hearts treasure, together we set sail_  
_With no maps to guide us we steered our own course_  
_Rode out the storms when the winds were gale force_  
_Sat out the doldrums in patience and hope_  
_Working together we learned how to cope_  
_Life is an ocean and love is a boat_  
_In troubled waters that keeps us afloat_  
_When we started the voyage, there was just me and you_  
_Now gathered round us, we have our own crew_  
_Together we're in this relationship_  
_We built it with care to last the whole trip_  
_Our true destination's not marked on any charts_  
_We're navigating to the shores of the heart_  
_Life is an ocean and love is a boat_  
_In troubled waters that keeps us afloat_  
_When we started the voyage, there was just me and you_  
_Now gathered round us, we have our own crew_  
_Life is an ocean and love is a boat_  
_In troubled waters that keeps us afloat_  
_When we started the voyage, there was just me and you_  
_Now gathered round us, we have our own crew_

The music stopped, but they didn't. They kept dancing, Ronan still humming the song in his good ear. Adam felt every inch of Ronan's body up against his: his breath on his ear, his beard scratching against his cheek, his chest rising and falling in the same rhythm as his, their legs brushing against each other. It didn't feel sensual, it felt like comfort, like belonging. For a second, Adam let himself feel like he did after his father would hit him and his mother would reject him. Just for a brief second, he let himself experience that awful feeling; so, that he could contrast it with the way he felt right now – special – wanted – loved and deserving of it. 

"Hey, you." Ronan held Adam's jaw in the palm of his hand. "Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere. I… I was just thinking. I'm going to make an appointment with the otologist as soon as possible. I figure _if_ my hearing can be fixed, then I can schedule the surgery for when I can take the time off." 

"Think that's a great idea."

"You can stop tracking the trajectory of the moon to the sun now."

"Dick."

"Delinquent."

Ronan leaned over and whispered something against his deaf ear.

"What did you just say?" Adam asked.

"I'll tell you when you can hear out of that ear."

~ ~ ~

Adam rolled over on his back. "Say that again."

"You're hogging the fucking blankets again. I dream new damn blankets and you take those too!"

"Ronan… _say_ it again."

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what the…" Dawning grew over his face. He leaned over Adam and whispered in his left ear, "Can you hear me?"

"I can! It's not – the doctor said I should start hearing something when the swelling went down. He said it would be a good sign if that happened in four weeks. It's been – "

"Less than that."

Adam nodded. "Less than that. I hoped for maybe fifty percent hearing back, but it sounds about that already."

Adam touched his ear lightly. The last of his father's curse was fading away. Ronan rolled over so that he was on Adam's left side. He whispered in his left ear, "Is tú mo ghrá. Mo chuisle mo chroí." 

"Say it again."

"Is tú mo ghrá. Mo chuisle mo chroí."

"That's what you said that night at the dance?"

"Yep."

"What does it mean?" 

"You are my love. My pulse of my heart."

"Christ, Lynch. Don't say shit like that to me when I have to get up for work."

Ronan sucked on the sensitive spot where his neck met his shoulder. "You're working from home."

"I know, but I have a conference call in twenty…" He looked at clock on the bed stand. "No. Fifteen minutes."

Ronan rolled onto his back. "Fuck."

Adam got out of bed. "I'll make it up to you tonight."

Tonight, didn't come as quickly as he'd wanted it to. Adam had a lot of work to catch-up. The pain after the surgery had lasted longer than expected. He was weeks behind. He had two cases coming up for the Women's Center, a looming deadline to finish the edits for an article in the _Journal of Law and Politics_, and he'd promised Kelly that he'd spend some time brainstorming strategy with her as her candidate entered into the last several weeks of the campaign.

He had only left his office once for a sandwich around noon, but Ronan hadn't been home. He'd let Daisy come back with him after lunch for company but opened the door and let her out a few hours ago, when she'd started whining when she knew Ronan was home. Adam felt whiny that he was trapped in here working without Ronan too.

When he found himself staring at the same thing for over five minutes, he knew that his brain was done for the day.

He left the office and walked across the yard, rubbing the goosebumps, from the chill in the air, on his arms, and almost missed Ronan, who was lying on the hood of his truck in the driveway, petting their big ginger cat. Adam froze. He had seen this before. It was the same hoodie. The same crisp, cool autumn air. The same version of Ronan, looking happier than he'd ever seen him. He hadn't expected to see himself, but he looked up at the roof of the barn anyway. He wasn't there, Gansey wasn't there, but he was certain it was the same night.

Adam's heart filled with love so quick that he feared it would burst. That look on Ronan's face, that smile, the one that had made him so jealous and angry in his vision, was there because of _him_. Because of the life they had carved out for themselves. 

He approached the truck and tugged on Ronan's feet. The cat gave him an affronted look and dashed away. Adam didn't know the cat's name. He only knew that it had come to the Barns after someone had moved away and left him locked inside of the empty house. Neighbors had seen him, thin and dirty, at the window crying to get out. Ronan didn't know most of the cats' names, but he knew each of their histories and the past abuses that they'd all suffered. Opal was the keeper of their names. Ronan the keeper of their stories.

Ronan propped himself up on both elbows and scowled. "Why do you have that look on your face? What did I do now?"

"What look? Why are you so defensive?"

"I'm not defensive. Hopeful." He smiled like the devil. "That look usually ends in me getting my dick sucked." 

Adam grabbed him by the ankles and slid him down onto the ground until they were standing face-to-face.

"Hey, what the hell, Parrish? What's your problem?"

"Marry me?"

Adam felt a little smug that he'd taken Ronan by complete surprise. The truth was he'd surprised himself too. He'd thought about it, of course, but hadn't planned anything. 

"I'm serious. Marry me. Do I have to get down on one knee? Write you a love song? Maybe serenade you under your window?"

Ronan's cheeks had started to grow pink. A rare sight. He shoved Adam's shoulder. "You fucking prick. I'd been planning to – fuck you. I had a _plan_. You're not supposed to be the impulsive one."

"Is that a yes?"

"Of course, it is, you idiot."

Adam kissed him then, soft and slow and full of promises for the future. Ronan broke the kiss, scowling again, "But I'm still getting my dick sucked, right?"

~ ~ ~

Maura Sargent looked around the reading room at 300 Fox Way, thinking about how they'd been here once before, with the same group, with two exceptions: Dean was here now, and Jimi was here instead of Persephone.

Other things that had stayed the same: Ronan didn't look happy, Calla looked annoyed at Ronan, and Adam and Gansey were having some sort of secret conversation with their eyes.

"It's the last one?" Adam asked.

Gansey nodded. "The last one. We dug really deep. If there are anymore out there, it might be because the person who has it, doesn't know what it is."

"This one was from a dream," Ronan said, too casually as if he thought this exercise of collecting them was futile in the first place. 

"What?" Adam, Blue, and Gansey said in unison.

"It's not new," Ronan said. "The energy on it's weak… faded. The Greywaren who made it is long dead."

"So, there are still threats," Adam said, frowning. 

Ronan half-laughed. "There's always threats. You know that."

Calla's face twisted up in disgust. Maura suspected it was not because she disagreed with Ronan, but because she did.

"We need – " Blue started, but Ronan interrupted. "You need to get rid of all that supernatural hocus pocus shit that you've got in that shed back there. That's a bigger threat then some stupid soul trap box. The people who want that stuff are dangerous." 

"Ronan's right," Dean said.

"That's why we collected them," Blue said. 

"Get them out of the wrong hands and into the right ones," Gansey said.

"Yeah," Ronan said. "And who gets to decide are the right hands?"

"We can't destroy all of them," Blue said. "Some of them are precious artifacts. Some are _useful_."

"Everything is useful to someone," Ronan said.

"Ronan really has a point," Dean said. "The soul trap is dangerous and useful. You could use it trap a dying soul in there and maybe find a way to transfer into another body or maybe a robot or a computer."

Adam looked pensive. "Imagine being able to save some of the greatest minds in the world. Keep them alive forever."

"Who would you decide who to save?" Jimi said. "Who would get to decide that?"

Ronan added, "If you had it, would you use it to save the person that you loved the most?" 

Blue and Gansey looked at each other. Adam looked at Ronan, and Ronan was pointedly not looking at Adam. Maura assumed it was because Ronan already knew exactly how far he'd go to keep the people he loved alive.

"Whose body would you take to save them?" Dean asked.

"I think that's what you call an ethical dilemma," Ronan said. "Right, Dick?"

Blue narrowed her eyes and studied Ronan. "This is all very perceptive of you, Ronan."

"I've got enough of my own ethical shit going on to recognize one when I see it. And I have all you assholes to keep me from doing something really fucked up. Just returning the favor."

"So, what do you purpose we do?" asked Gansey.

Everyone looked at Ronan. He looked back. "How the fuck do I know? I'm just the pain in the ass. I don't come up with the actual plans."

"We could review them together," Adam said. "All talk about it and then come to a conclusion as a group."

Calla laughed. "Oh, that'll be loads of fun."

"It's the best idea we've got," Gansey said.

Everyone murmured in agreement. Calla, Jimi, and Maura exchanged a look. Maura said, "Adam, I know you're busy, but we really need to work on your astral projection skills. Soon."

"Why?" he asked.

Maura shrugged. "Oh, nothing specific." She wasn't lying, even if Ronan looked at her as if she were. 

"The cards," Jimi said, "have simply suggested that it might come in handy during this, um…"

"Quest," Gansey added.

"Yes!" Jimi said, pointing at him. "Quest. I like that."

"Speaking of…" Adam pulled out a folded piece of paper and stretched it out over the table. Everyone leaned into look at it. "This is the best protection rune against evil spirits. It's a Celtic shield. They are embedded in Ronan's tattoo too."

Calla snorted. Jimi blushed. Adam looked at them, confused. Maura even blushed a little herself. Calla had touched Ronan's back a few weeks ago, before he could stop her. She said she'd been feeling strange and strong energy coming from it. When she touched it, she'd seen that Adam and Ronan had, unwittingly performed some strong sex magic, when Adam had, as Calla so crudely put it, "jerked off on the tattoo and then rubbed his come into it." The runes and symbols on Ronan's back, some so ancient that only Gwenllian knew them, had meaning and power, mixing that with semen, a powerful magical competent, had created some sort of magic that even Calla had felt without even touch.

None of the women knew exactly what Ronan and Adam had unintentionally done, but they were sure it would come to light eventually.

"I think we should get it on our shoulder blades," Blue said. "All in the same spot."

"I want to see it," Gansey said. "How about our biceps?"

Blue made a face.

"How about here?" Adam touched Gansey's arm, right above the wrist bone. "It could easily be hidden by a watch."

"Yeah," Gansey nodded.

"I like that too," Blue said.

"Great," Adam said, smiling. "We all agree."

"Hey, don't I get a say?" Ronan asked.

"You already have protection," said Blue.

"Yeah, so?" he replied. "You're all going to need me to get one to make it look cool."

~ ~ ~

"I'm going to dream a soul trap box for me," Ronan said.

Adam put his iPad down and looked at Ronan. He was sitting similar to Adam, on the other end of the sofa, but with a magazine instead of an iPad, and he was fiddling with the bands on his wrist. "Excuse me. What?" 

"I'm going to create a soul trap box for me. For when I die – when my body dies – whatever. Before my soul goes wherever," he pointed up and then down, "it's going to end up. You told me while I was in that box that Opal and Matthew were still conscious."

Adam knew what he was asking. He couldn't respond, only remember; remember the beautiful, iridescent strands illuminating from Ronan's body and flowing into a piece of wood to be trapped there.

"What the fuck. Say something."

"Jesus. Give me a minute, Ronan." Adam took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "What you're asking... you told me while you were in there you had awareness of being in there. You can't be trapped in there. That would be torture."

Ronan shrugged.

"Opal and Matthew wouldn't want that for you."

"They don't get a say. If I die, they stop existing. It's my job to fix that."

Adam struggled to find a logical argument against this, but couldn't, because Ronan creating actual human beings from his dreams wasn't logical in the first place. He simply said, "I couldn't do that to you."

"You're supposed to be the analytical one here, Parrish. I created actual people and that's fucked up, I know. I can't let them die just because I do."

"I understand why you want to do it, but…" Adam imagined him living and knowing that all of Ronan's gorgeous light was trapped in a box, in the dark, in nothingness, and that he had put him there. "Please don't ask this of me."

They locked eyes. Ronan seemed to be wrestling with something. Finally, he picked up his magazine _Car and Driver_ and looked at it. He flipped a page. "Okay. Forget I mentioned it."

Adam sat there staring at him for a moment. "Ronan, you didn't actually say that you weren't going to do it."

Without looking up from his magazine, Ronan said, "You're right. I didn't. Don't worry about it. Don't plan on going anywhere soon."

"You know I'll worry, but I'll find another way too. Someplace you can exist outside the box or someway they can exist without you. Break the bonds. I don't know. We've done the impossible. I can figure this out."

Ronan stretched all the way out on the sofa, putting his feet on Adam's lap, looking entirely too comfortable for this conversation. "I'm sure you will. Now, shut up and massage my feet."

"No! Jesus, we're talking about something really serious here. Which _you_ started, by the way. I'm not massaging your feet!" Ronan wiggled his sock-covered foot in Adam's face. Adam scrunched his face up and pushed it back down on his lap. "Ugh. I don't know what's wrong with you sometimes." 

"Come on. They really hurt! You can solve the problem while you rub."

"I'm not going to solve it tonight!"

"Good." Ronan waggled his foot again. "Then you can really concentrate on this massage."

Adam rolled his eyes but pressed his thumbs into the ball of Ronan's foot.

Ronan moaned. "Oh fuck. That feels great." He massaged harder and deeper, making Ronan squirm and his eyes roll back into his head. "Holy fuck… you're fucking hands, Parrish. Jesus Christ."

Adam sighed. This was his life. Going from the completely abnormal to the absolutely normal within a matter of minutes.

~ ~ ~

Ronan and Adam sat alone in a pew after regular Sunday mass. They waited until Father McKinley passed them, gave them a nod and a greeting, and disappeared.

They turned halfway in the pew to face each other. Ronan opened his palm, showing two plain silver rings, one a dream ring, one brought from a jeweler, both inscribed. Adam took one.

This was all just ceremony for the two of them. They had been legally married on Friday. For seventy-two dollars, they got a marriage license and a quick ceremony in the hallway of the courthouse by a justice of the peace. It wasn't a full elopement. Everyone knew what they had planned. 

"You go first," Ronan said. 

Adam took Ronan's left hand. He'd practiced what he was going to say. Gansey had helped him write it. But it didn't feel right in the moment. Something came to him that he'd learned in his Latin poetry class. He said it in English.

"I was free and intended to live with my bed being unshared. But Love, after truce had been established, tricked me. Why does such mortal beauty exist on earth?"

Ronan lifted an eyebrow. "Impressive, Parrish."

Adam slipped the ring on Ronan's left-hand ring finger and said the inscription engraved inside the ring. "I will hold you through the nights. Always."

Ronan took Adam's left hand. "Well, since we're doing Latin poetry…" And since Ronan was not one to ever be outdone, he recited a quote in (almost) perfect Latin. "Ōdī et amō. Quārē id faciam fortasse requīris. Nesciō, sed fierī sentiō et excrucior." Ronan slipped the ring on Adam's finger. "Except I love a lot more than I hate now and I feel a lot less tortured for it." He kissed the ring and spoke aloud the inscription inside of it. "I will hold you through the days. Always."

They sat for a moment holding hands. Ronan's eyes were closed, and Adam assumed he was saying a prayer. 

"Let's go," Ronan said.

They slid out of the pew. When they were halfway down the aisle, Father McKinley called to them. They turned and waited. He still had his vestments on.

"Ronan. Adam. As you know, I can't bestow the sacrament of marriage upon you, but I can give you a blessing." He took their hands and led them together. "Bow your heads, please."

Adam bowed his head and watched Ronan out of the corner of his eye, and he saw another burden lift off his shoulders, another nightmare vanish, another self-inflicted judgment disappear.

Father held his hands above their heads. "We praise you, Lord. For your gentle plan drew together your children, Ronan and Adam, in love for one another. Strengthen their hearts, so that they will keep faith with each other, love each other, respect each other, and please you in all things. Please bless them and their relationship." Father made the sign of the cross and said, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

Ronan wiped away tears before he shook Father's hand and thanked him. Adam felt giddy as they rushed out of the church. They took off their suit jackets, dress shirts, and ties and folded them up. Ronan shoved them into the bag on back of the bike. They put on their leather jackets and helmets and mounted the bike.

They usually didn't take the bike to church, but today was different. Ronan had asked and Adam agreed, because if Ronan was a classic cliché, then so was Adam for getting so turned on by riding behind him, his arms wrapped tight around his waist. 

About ten minutes into the ride, Ronan swerved off the main road onto a less traveled road into the woods. He stopped. "Take your helmet off," he ordered.

"Ronan..."

"Don't make this ugly, Parrish."

Foolishly, Adam had not thought this was the way today would go. He thought they would go home, fuck for hours, then show up at the winery and pretend they didn't know that Opal and Blue had planned a reception for them with all their friends and family. 

He should have known that Ronan would do something to turn his plans upside down. He'd felt the hot, quivering energy radiating off Ronan. Ronan's emotions were too big and too intense to be contained in a human mortal body. They had to manifest into something, either fucking or fighting or flying or hugging too tight or yelling or taking care of broken animals or cursing or saying _'I love you'_ over and over again in every language that he knew until Adam melted in his arms.

Adam sighed and took off his helmet. 

Ronan handed his to Adam for him to put them on the back of the bike. 

"Trust me," Ronan said, looking dangerous. "I will _not_ mess up that pretty face."

Adam gripped Ronan's hips, and they took off. It was obvious that Ronan knew this road. He guided the bike over the ground with the same familiarity and eloquence that a painter guides a brush over the canvass, or a pianist guides their fingers over the keys of a piano. Ronan's expertise with the road made Adam worry a lot less. 

Adam felt when the bike connected with the ley line. The bike felt as if it was gliding now, not on dirt, but on water. The road twisted and turned, until they burst into a vast field, filled with wildflowers, tall sunflowers, and butterflies, with a sun brighter than it had been a minute ago, the temperature more pleasant. Adam felt the change all around him, like walking into Cabsewater or the forest at the youth center. The field opened up to greet them, creating a road in front of them, and, when Adam looked behind him, he saw that it had closed up, looking untouched. Up above them, ravens flew. This was a Ronan world. 

Ronan accelerated. Adam thought it had to be impossible for them to go any faster than this.

Later, they will go back to the Barns and fuck until Adam can no longer feel his legs. They'll nap and Adam will have to drag Ronan out of bed to get a shower; Ronan will pull him into the shower, with very little protest. Before they get to the winery, Adam will get a text from Declan and read it out loud, _'Tell him not to be a dick and to act surprised. Matthew's excited.'_ So, at the winery, Ronan will act surprised for Matthew and piss off Declan when he refers to his wife Ava as "your first wife." Blue will greet Adam and whisper, "Your family will be here soon. They're stuck in traffic," and she'll give his hand a squeeze because she knows he never thought he'd hear the words _'your family.'_ Gansey will give a toast and make everyone laugh and cry, because that's the sort of thing that Gansey was bred for. Ronan will balk at photos, but eventually gives in because Opal and Matthew beg him to. So, they will pose for a few photos. Calla will say to Ronan, "You'd better stop smiling so much, or it'll ruin your reputation," and Ronan will try to stop smiling, but he can't, and that will make Adam smile even wider. Gansey will catch that moment with his camera that uses actual film, because, of course, it does. And that will be the photo that Adam puts in a frame on his desk at work and will have to hear every new person, who sees it, say, "Wow. That's your husband."

That would all happen later. Now, Adam did what he'd done in the garden at 300 Fox Way. He peeled off the layers, throwing away the burdens of the past and the worries for the future. Because this was… this was exhilarating. He needed to not think. Just feel. Just be. He closed his eyes, loosened his hold a little, leaned back, and let the wind blow on his face and through his hair. 

The layers were gone, for now, and he was just Adam and they were just Adam and Ronan.

"I love you!" he yelled. 

"What?" Ronan shouted back.

"I fucking love you!"

And, for the second time that day, he underestimated his husband, who showed him nothing was impossible, and that he could always go faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song they dance to is a modern Irish song by Johnny Duhan called _The Voyage_.
> 
> Ronan's quote for his vows is from Catullus 85 the translation is: I hate and I love. Why I do this, perhaps you ask.  
I know not, but I feel it happening and I am tortured.
> 
> Well, that's it! Maybe I can get my brain back now. Thank you so much for the lovely comments. I'm glad people have enjoyed it.


End file.
